How to recognize the interlocutor even after a short acquaintance and check how sincere he is, what are his views? Of course, ask tricky questions to the guy. There is a surprise effect in these 10 phrases, and if you voice them in the middle of an ordinary conversation, you can understand a lot about a new acquaintance. At the same time, the value will consist not only in the sense of male answers, but also in how he reacts to such topics, whether he contradicts himself in words.
1. Can you name 3 informal facts about me?
A good way to find out how attentive the guy is to the words of his interlocutor and how much she interests him. If he cannot say anything at all in response, or attempts to remember something about the young lady are noticeably difficult for him, this is a bad sign. The same applies to situations in which a man is strenuously trying to change the subject, laugh it off, ask the same question in response.
What does “informal facts” mean anyway? This is personal information that can only be obtained through direct communication with the girl. The name, age, visible features of her appearance, the city in which she lives, marital status can be recognized by any stranger who opens her page on social networks. This is all official public data. Another thing is when it comes to her:
- character and behavioral habits:
- stories from the past;
- interests, hobbies, attitude to something;
- family, friends, in general people from her environment;
- plans, dreams, goals;
- prohibitions, the limits of what is permitted;
- previous conversations with the same guy.
An uninterested or simply dubious interlocutor will not remember any of this information. To get out of the situation, he will most likely try to guess the correct answer or will respond with too vague general phrases.
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2. Money or relationships?
These are two very important parts of life, so it is really difficult to answer this question unambiguously. Therefore, it is the guy’s explanations on this matter that will have weight. His temporary silent deepening in thought indicates that he really ponders this topic and tries to understand his attitude. This behavior is a good sign. But what can alert you is this:
- an instant response in favor of a relationship – most likely this is an attempt to please;
- dodging the topic, too vague essence – unwillingness to admit the truth;
- phrases “Do not know” and the like – unwillingness to delve into the topic, weak interest;
- an obvious and direct choice of money in case the girl thinks differently.
Note to last point: Preferring finance over relationships is in itself a healthy choice and an honest answer. And if a woman supports this point of view, the couple can easily converge. However, most often for girls, it is feelings and personal life that are more important. Accordingly, such a guy will not suit them due to different priorities. What is the best thing to say in a polite manner to the interlocutor.
3. Are lying and keeping back the same thing?
Tricky question, since not all guys equate hiding the truth with outright lying. Actually, it’s not for everyone. If the couple’s thoughts on this matter converge, there will be no problems. However, if there is a difference, it is better to discuss the details right away. To do this, you can ask clarifying questions.
- Do you believe that lies can be good?
- Can you come up with specific situations or remember real cases from the past in which you (would) prefer to remain silent about something close?
- If you don’t want to admit to something, then this usually applies to all the people close to you? Or can you still hide the truth from one but tell it to another?
- Would you normally react to the fact that something is being hidden from you?
- If something was hidden from you, but you already knew the essence of the secret truth, would you point it out to your interlocutor?
Then it remains only to evaluate the guy’s answers, compare them with your own views and decide whether you want to continue building something with this person. It is unlikely that he will change his principles in the near future.
4. What experience did you take away from past relationships?
The answer will show whether the guy learns from his mistakes, whether he knows how to be grateful, how easy it is for him to say bad / good about others. His current attitude towards people from the past may one day easily extend to his interlocutor.
Even unpleasant situations can be presented in an adequate form, without offending or blaming anyone. If a man, already at the initial stages of acquaintance, clearly cannot cope with this, such behavior casts a shadow on him. What is better to look at while the guy answers the question:
- is there any aggression. Over time, a young man is unlikely to become softer, his disadvantages will appear more. If he expresses obvious anger almost from the first date, it’s time to start worrying;
- does he actually say. Avoiding a direct answer, vague phrases indicate that he has something to hide or that he is not trying to improve his life and himself in general;
- who is he talking about. The story from the position of “everyone is bad” or a saint/victim, and even more so their combination, casts doubt on the adequacy and maturity of a person.
5. What would you like to change about me?
Thinking along the lines of “she will change” or “I will fix her” is not comparable to a healthy relationship and is more like an abuser’s worldview. However, the answer is disturbing. “Nothing, you’re perfect” also disturbing. How will the guy with whom you can create a serious alliance respond?
Ideally, he will say that he still knows his interlocutor too little to understand what exactly he does not like about her (if everything happens at the beginning of an acquaintance). At the same time, he emphasizes that he would not want to change her as a person, but only because it is wrong, and not because of her imaginary “ideality”. Why exactly?
- Is it worth building something with a person, if it is immediately clear that the main views are too dissimilar? No, and almost everyone understands this, but only a few do it.
- Healthy relationships involve accepting each other’s weaknesses. It is acceptance, not patience, the expectation of change or suffering.
- It makes no sense to “customize” yourself to other people’s requests. This will end badly anyway.
And to consider your interlocutor as an ideal means not to really know her, to create inflated expectations, which then turn into demands.
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6. Can you cry in front of your girlfriend?
From childhood, boys are taught to restrain emotions, block their manifestation, especially tears. According to many “educators” a man should be a walking money generator with a stone face and tightly clogged feelings. It is ironic that these same “teachers” then complain about the coldness, taciturnity, poor responsiveness of the “real men” whom they brought up or encouraged from the very beginning.
If a guy replies in a categorical tone that he will never allow himself to cry in front of a woman, or even at all, this is a typical example of a victim of the described stereotype. It is important to understand that you will not have to expect violent manifestations of feelings and obvious frankness in them from such a man. It may become more open over time, but such changes will likely take several years. And then only if the partner will be patient with this isolation and repeat almost daily that she appreciates the manifestation of sincerity, does not consider it a weakness.
7. Do men need compliments?
It is important for absolutely everyone to periodically receive pleasant words, support, affectionate phrases. There are those who are calm about such needs, and those who hide them intensely, and even suppress them. In addition, everyone has their own “limit” of compliments. If someone exceeds this threshold, the person begins to believe that they are flattering him, trying to deceive him, or want something from him.
The task of a woman is to find out the details about this very limit in order to eliminate misunderstandings and conflicts in the future. It is also advisable to avoid those interlocutors who stubbornly deny the need to hear warm words. As a rule, these people are not ready to speak directly about their desires and expectations, hoping for some kind of telepathic perception. They will avoid problems instead of calmly discussing and solving them.
8. Are you flattered by female attention?
Yes, he likes it when other women stare at him or are interested in details about him. He is flattered when he understands that they want him, they dream about him, they are in love with him. But does he admit it? A categorical denial in response may indicate that he:
- afraid to seem like a womanizer, there are misdeeds from the past that give the right to call him such;
- trying to please, show himself perfect, ready to adapt and bend, he has a weak character;
- has internal complexes, because of which he believes that they pay attention to him only out of ridicule, by chance, but not because of his attractiveness or positive features.
This is a really tricky question, so it’s best to give the guy a chance to correct his answer himself. And if he directly admits the importance of female attention for him, it is better to talk about the limits of what is permitted. Because for some, simply admiring glances are enough, while for others, attempts to kiss and touch will not be enough.
9. If I come to your house now, will I see order there?
It’s not even about trying to understand the level of accuracy of a man, although this is also important, especially if the girl is a pedantic tidy. The reaction of the guy is important, how much this question will unsettle him, whether he will be able to joke, come up with an original answer.
Despite the atypical question, there are not so many chances to “fail” it. The worst thing that will happen is that the young man will turn out to be too stiff and touchy. He may also try to lie. Although often, if a girl openly says that honesty is more important to her in this matter than neatness, a man still confesses his little sins and the inexplicable love of his socks to the floor.
10. Do relationships start with sǝx for you?
A good question to find out the further development of events, what to expect from the guy in this regard. If he answers in the affirmative, everything is in order. The young lady will at least hear the truth about him and will be able to understand whether this option is suitable for her. The same applies to the negative answer, but only if it corresponds to the truth. And how do you recognize a liar? He is lying when he says “Not”but it is during the response that he begins to unconsciously perform at least 2-3 of the following actions:
- raises the pelvis, fidgets on a chair/bench / sofa;
- licks lips, bites them, swallows saliva;
- trying to take up as much space as possible;
- leans towards the girl or otherwise reduces the distance;
- pauses before answering or answers with a semi-interrogative intonation;
- fingering napkins, cigarettes, watches, other small items or squeezing them;
- holds the breath for a second or changes the pace, intensity of breaths.
It is better to ask tricky questions to a guy after the first meetings. So it will be possible to compare his answers with the words that he spoke earlier, see a lively reaction and at the same time not offend him with excessive assertiveness and untimely curiosity. If a man agrees to meetings, offers them himself, keeps up the conversation, this already means that he definitely likes the interlocutor. In this case, finding out his secret thoughts will be even more interesting and important.