11 Things to Do When You Feel Tired of Marriage. Long-term relationships require a lot of work and effort. Even the most passionate marriage can fade and lose its spark. Sometimes we feel tired from the relationship with our spouse and even think about divorce. Here’s what to do if you’re tired of the marriage.
1. Be honest with yourself about how you feel.
To understand why marriage makes you feel tired, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. When we do not accept or hide from ourselves our true emotions, we cannot grow and make informed decisions.
Determine what exactly gives you discomfort: you are tired, burnt out, unhappy with something, or just unhappy. Or maybe you are bored because the relationship has become a routine and you and your spouse have begun to take it for granted.
Too often we lie to ourselves that everything is okay because the idea of divorce is too scary. And also because we are afraid to admit that we really are not all right. Unfortunately, such lies further aggravate the situation, so you should first understand yourself, and then make informed decisions.
2. Determine the reason why you are tired of marriage
Once you understand what you are feeling, whether it is exhaustion, boredom, or something else, you can begin to analyze what led to it. Ask yourself: “Why am I tired of being married?”
If you honestly consider the answer, you can correct the situation. In fact, the better you understand the causes, the better you will be able to not only take appropriate action, but also grow as a person.
For example, if your life has become a routine and you lack attention from your husband, you should talk to him about it. Often our partners do not see the problems that are troubling us, and are ready to help us if they pay attention to them. In the above example, you can plan more activities and pastimes together, as well as diversify household trifles and habits – for example, start cooking together or end the evening with a movie together if you haven’t done it for a long time. Read more about ways to restart family life, we talked here.
3. Review habits
When our habits don’t change, we burn out and lose our passion. It is difficult to find joy in familiar things that remain unchanged for many years. This can make us feel tired and frustrated.
It’s the same if you’re tired of marriage. Over time, the passion that was in the first months after the wedding subsides, and life absorbs more and more. But nothing is stopping you and your spouse from changing your current habits—making adjustments to your daily routine so you can spend more time together or try something new on the weekends.
For example, a joint trip to the cinema or to the attractions can “shake up” you and give you more vitality and positive. Be spontaneous, explore new things together, whether it’s a trip to a new coffee shop or a trip abroad. Soon enough, you will find that you both have more fun and will grow as you learn new things.
On the other hand, by trying something new with your spouse, you may also uncover bigger problems, incompatibilities, or red flags that you wouldn’t see in a routine that’s been around for years.
4. Look at your spouse in a new way
When we see the same person day in and day out for years, it’s easy to take them for granted. This does not mean that we appreciate the spouseless or downplay his contribution to the relationship. Over time, we may stop seeing him as he really is – for example, due to accumulated resentments and misunderstandings, or simply because of the feeling that we know absolutely everything about him.
But people are always changing, and so is our perception. Time changes things, circumstances, and therefore your spouse could become a different person. With this in mind, try to look at it with fresh eyes. Think of him and interact with him as if he were a completely different person than the one you married.
In other words, behave like never before. You might be surprised by how charming this “new man” is. You can fall in love with your spouse again. Perhaps from a new perspective, you will find that you are no longer tired of being married. However, it may be the other way around: you can understand that your spouse has really changed for the worse, and seriously think about divorce. In any case, it is much better than deceiving yourself and feeling constantly overwhelmed.
5. Talk to your spouse about how you feel
When a marriage lasts long enough, it is almost always accompanied by a lack of communication. To live with and be married to someone requires a constant level of interaction. On the surface, it may seem that you communicate well enough, but in reality this may not be the case. Communication can also develop into a household habit and lose special sincerity and honesty.
This kind of communication is essential for a healthy marriage. With this in mind, try to be completely honest when talking to your spouse. Tell him about something that seemed interesting to you, share your opinion about something, about how much you liked something. These little things will set the tone for open lines of communication. And then, when the time is right, you can start a conversation about how you feel.
This is where understanding your own emotions comes in handy. You will be able to honestly and clearly articulate your feelings to discuss with your significant other. Pay attention to how your spouse reacts to what you say. Maybe he, too, feels marriage fatigue but doesn’t want to lose you – in which case you can find ways to move forward together and overcome crises.
6. Celebrate your victories together
Life is not an easy thing, and difficulties can seriously undermine a marriage. Year after year, you endure change together for better or for worse. Eventually, this can cause a feeling of marriage fatigue.
But in fact, marriage is not necessarily the cause of the problem. In many ways, it helps to cope with adversity better than if you overcome it alone. Negative experiences can easily affect your perception of a relationship. Try to think about it differently. Realize that overcoming the difficulties that you have gone through together is actually a great victory. And it is customary to celebrate victories and successes.
Use it as a way to get closer to your spouse. For example, arrange a nice dinner in honor of having bought a car for which you have been saving for a long time. Or thank him for his help with a surprise in the form of a candy or a chocolate bar – even such a trifle helps to strengthen relationships. And be sure to underline your joint successes with words: voice how glad you are that you went through this together, that you appreciate his help and contribution to what you did.
7. Visit a family psychologist
If your marriage lacks a spark, it fades into a routine, and you and your spouse cannot cope on your own, it is worth discussing this with a family psychologist.
Please note that a therapist will not be able to solve all your problems if you and your spouse are not ready to work with them outside the specialist’s office. First, you need to make sure that your spouse really wants to improve your relationship just as much as you do. Otherwise, the “one-sided game” will not only lead to nothing, but will also aggravate your fatigue and negative emotions. How to prepare for couples psychotherapy, we have already told.
8. Take a vacation
This is one of the easiest ways to get rid of emotional burnout – to take a vacation together. If you and your spouse love to travel, go somewhere simple and relaxing. You will be able to enjoy each other’s company in a new environment. This means you will be able to communicate differently, freshly, and in a new context.
That kind of connection really helps when you’re tired of marriage. You can even use the relaxing time as a great opportunity to talk about your feelings about your family, why you’re feeling tired, and how to deal with it.
However, all circumstances are individual, and if you do not think that you can go on vacation together, take yourself a few days off on your own. You can go alone to a nearby town to go shopping or take a walk in the park to reflect on your feelings and place in life.
9. Learn Practicing Gratitude
After you’ve been married for a long time, it’s so easy to take your spouse for granted. But no one likes to feel underappreciated. In other words, just because we’ve been with someone long enough for the kindness to become a habit, we forget about gratitude.
Therefore, when you are tired of the marriage, you need to learn the practices of gratitude. In marriage, you both do things for each other. Expressing gratitude will not only improve your outlook, but also make each of you feel appreciated.
Therefore, it is important to praise your spouse for his achievements and to thank him for what he does for you. Even if these are simple and familiar things, like dishes washed without your requests. Or when he lets you rest while he takes care of the kids. Talk more often about your feelings about his good deeds and attitude towards you. This will improve not only your mood, but also the feeling of closeness between you. Over time, he can adopt such a habit from you that will bring more harmony to your relationship. Here is an example of things to praise your partner for.
10. Rate how long you’ve been feeling tired.
If your fatigue comes on intermittently and then goes away, it could be for a variety of reasons. For example, when you are stressed or you have a conflict with your spouse. Having survived a negative situation, everything is getting better, and fatigue goes away. In this case, there is no need to panic and run away to get a divorce – it is worth discussing everything with your spouse in order to become closer and learn how to experience difficulties together.
But if you notice that fatigue has been “accumulating” for years and does not go away, the matter is much more serious. You need to pay close attention to its causes and why you cannot get out of this state.
11. Ask yourself the main questions that will help you decide whether to save the marriage
Deciding whether to improve the relationship or whether it is time to take categorical action is quite difficult. It is important to honestly answer yourself the most “hot” questions that will help you better understand what needs to be done in your life situation.
Is your spouse ready to work on the relationship?
There is no point in trying desperately to save a marriage if only you are interested in it. You need to understand whether your spouse is ready to change and adapt in order to maintain and improve your relationship. No matter how hard you try to do it alone, it will not work if it is and remains only your decision. Discuss with your spouse whether he is ready and willing to support you in your undertaking or is inclined to break up.
Does your spouse really respect you?
If your spouse doesn’t like who you are, how you’ve changed over the years, that’s a serious warning sign. This can be expressed in criticism and ridicule, neglect of your values, constant control in relation to you, rude communication.
If he can’t truly respect you, there’s no point in trying to save your marriage. Respect is one of the most important, if not the most important element in a marriage. If not, then you should reconsider your views on your relationship.
Can you find compromises?
Marriage requires effort on both sides. If there is a way to compromise in a relationship so that you can be happy and content again, it makes sense to work on it and save the marriage. You need to find out what is missing for both of you and fix it. For example, he may get tired of the daily routine, and you from the fact that you lack attention and feelings from him. In this case, you need to diversify your leisure time and more often set aside time to be together.
How will your spouse react to a divorce proposal?
Divorce can cause serious injury to both parties. It is unwise to take divorce lightly, especially since it will directly affect the person you once loved the most. Therefore, think about how he will react to such a proposal and whether he is ready to discuss problems so that this does not happen. If you understand that the spouse will be broken and depressed, it makes sense to talk about how to save the marriage. And if you notice that he seems to be preparing for this and often hints at a breakup, you should think about whether you want to save your relationship yourself. 11 Things to Do When You Feel Tired of Marriage.