7 biggest mistakes women cheat on their husbands. A woman who finds out that her husband is cheating on her, under the influence of surging emotions, can make many mistakes. They often lead to a difficult divorce, loss of one’s own “I”, depression with suicidal thoughts, problems with children, etc. How should one behave after the news of a spouse’s infidelity? How to get out of this situation with minimal damage? Typical incorrect reactions to cheating, which are best avoided, are further in the sections of the article.
1. Silent martyrdom.
The wife knows about the betrayals, is aware of where and when the husband sees his mistress. Everything is so obvious that even the spouse himself is sure that he was discovered. But the woman is silent. He is silent, endures, hopes for something, continues to cook breakfasts and dinners, iron shirts. The most common reasons for this behavior:
- she is afraid that her husband will leave, one has only to talk about the problem (why exactly she is afraid, she herself cannot clearly say and comes up with ridiculous reasons);
- does not consider the affair on the side serious and is sure that the missus will sooner or later cut off this connection;
- She has not loved her husband for a long time and, quite possibly, is cheating on her own.
However, even for a woman whose feelings for her husband have long faded, betrayal is a blow to pride. This is a collapse of stability and reliability.
Why can’t you endure and keep silent about your true emotions? Such a model of behavior greatly affects the self-esteem of the wife and noticeably humiliates her in the eyes of her husband. “Silent – it means everything suits her “ – the logic of a man in a similar situation. Carefully hidden pain and fear of losing everything will not force the spouse to return to the family. Moreover, they will allow him to be even more brazen in his actions.
How to be? Crying, talking about your pain, spending the night with friends, slaughtering cooking, and cleaning at first, insisting on the need to be alone with yourself is possible. But the main thing is to show your surprise to your husband. That is not “I knew it! Mom told me!”, And the stunned “How could you? I trusted you.”
Such a reaction will allow you to take the position “I did not deserve such treatment and demand respect for myself.” The spouse perceives silence either as weakness of character, or as stupidity and excessive naivety.
7 biggest mistakes women cheat on their husbands.
2. Belief in the words of gossip.
If some “well-wisher” told a woman that she was being cheated on, and she took her word for it, this is perhaps the biggest mistake in her life. To accuse a spouse of infidelity, it will take more than just assumptions from the outside. Trusting such “sources” is not a good idea, as they could:
- deliberately spoil someone else’s marriage in order to get a chance for a relationship with one of the spouses or just play a dirty trick;
- misunderstand confuse the “traitor” with someone else;
- not know all the details situations (not a meeting with a mistress in a restaurant, but a business lunch; not a hug with a homeowner, but a warm greeting between a brother and sister, etc.);
- exaggerate situation. For example, a husband really flirted with a girl at a corporate party, but this does not mean that he slept or at least kissed her).
Should I double-check the information? It is possible, but not necessary. Depends on the desire to save the marriage in case of confirmation of fears and nervousness on this basis.
However, in any case, it is desirable to cool the ardor of gossip and limit their access to personal family life. It is better not to associate with such people at all. For the most part, these are persons who climb into the “foreign garden” for sensations, since their own has long been “withered”. Their behavior will be reduced to one.
- “You say your husband is not cheating? What an idiot for believing him! Checked? Checked badly! Today he stared at the female mannequin in the window, and tomorrow he will have three mistresses. So what if you didn’t pick up the phone only once? Changes – I tell you for sure.
- “Does it still change? With whom? And where? And when? Why didn’t you notice? Do not you know? So I’ll tell you all the details now” (a lifelong reminder of the painful episode and discussion with other “critics” of the new twisted gossip.
Neighbors, colleagues, and other unfamiliar personalities are not the best company to talk about sore.
3. Showdown with his mistress.
Whatever the purpose of the meeting with the husband’s passion, such a clash will not end in anything good.
- I want to look into her eyes and ask if her conscience does not torment her, does she live well? Yes, she’s doing great! Most likely she is aware that she is dating a married man. She doesn’t cook, she doesn’t do laundry, she doesn’t clean up after him. But he always gets sex and gifts.
- There is a desire quarrel, pull out hair, gouge out eyes? Of course, why not give the husband one more reason to feel sorry for his mistress and feel disgusted for his wife? Self-esteem is out of the question.
- Go and just look at the breaker? What for? Even though she is a gray mouse, nondescript and quiet, even if she is a supermodel with legs from her ears, this will not add confidence. A beautiful woman will cause complexes, and a simple woman will cause new questions and torments.
- Go visit to talk heart to heart? What can you expect from such a conversation? That a mistress would leave a man after a story about his poor children and unhappy wife? And then both women, under a glass of red, will cry together over a difficult female fate?
In any case, an impulsive decision will alienate the husband, even more, make the mistress more arrogant and put an end to self-esteem. And even more so, a meeting with a secret passion of a spouse will not help return him to the family or restore harmony in marriage.
4. Exchange of betrayals.
“An eye for an eye” is no longer a relevant and effective phrase. And yet, in response to pain, people tend to inflict even more suffering. And then everything is in a circle – a vicious cycle of thoughtless revenge. Why can’t change be returned?
- The chances of rebuilding a family are greatly reduced.
- Self-esteem falls, self-esteem is lost, self-loathing grows.
- Cheating in revenge is a new problem, not a solution to an old one.
- The wife becomes as guilty as the husband, and sometimes more.
- A new lover does not need a woman either. He just took advantage.
About the last. Committing revenge, a woman is also looking for moral consolation. She hopes that she can feel needed, sexy, desired. And it is important for her to feel it constantly. And she wants to find everything in the shortest possible time. A quickly appeared lover will not be able and will not want to fill her emotional starvation. And after a minute of triumph (sometimes without it), she will have the feeling that she was used dirty. As a result, there will be no husband or lover. Is it worth it?
Of course, after the news of the betrayal, you want to splash out your anger in the lowest ways. However, holding back, a woman in the future will be grateful to herself for wisdom and self-control. She will be able to adequately get out of the situation in any of its outcomes.
7 biggest mistakes women cheat on their husbands.
5. Quick forgiveness.
What comes without effort is usually not appreciated… If the wife forgives her husband too quickly, he will realize that his other misdeeds can just as easily get away with him. If there is no desire to be an all-forgiving sister of mercy all your life, then show your husband that female forgiveness is worth a lot.
Men have a well-developed sense of what is called sports interest or hunting instinct. They are more interested in what involves the pursuit, rivalry, excitement, risk. However, the degree of need for these sensations varies from person to person. One will start to get the stars from the sky and beg to return only when the wife slams the door loudly and leaves. The second will give a bouquet torn from a neighboring flower bed, just if he sees his wife smiling affably to a familiar seller. This difference is important to understand.
Does he want to start over? Great, let’s start over. As at the beginning of a relationship, let there be flowers, poems, serenades, dates, courtship, in general, a candy-bouquet period. Let him wait and worry whether his woman will come to meet him or not. It is impossible to go too far and pull his nerves, but a drop of unpredictability and slight capriciousness will not hurt.
7 biggest mistakes women cheat on their husbands.
6. Constant scandals.
The change happened, the whole family already knows about it. Then the decision is to stay and try to fix everything or file for divorce, divide property, etc.
With the second option, everything is clear. The couple breaks up and begins to plan a life apart from each other. But with the first solution often there are problems. It is hard for a wife to forget the betrayal, and she does not always understand that she is not yet ready to forgive. A trip to a family psychologist could help, but not everyone decides to take such a step. What happens next?
- The wife, for any reason, recalls the misconduct of the faithful. The slightest quarrel or misunderstanding is an explosion of accusations on her part.
- The husband’s guilt and desire to save the marriage begin to decrease rapidly, which increases the risk of re-infidelity or divorce.
- Very often, children, parents, mutual friends fall into the epicenter of the problem, as the “tug of war” begins.
- The wife grows self-doubt and suspicion. She sees a catch in every act of her husband and is constantly nervous because of this.
With this approach, the situation will only get worse. It is important to understand that if you are not ready to forgive, then you should not force yourself doing so. You can take a time out, temporarily live separately, collect your thoughts and wait until the emotions subside a little.
If a woman has firmly decided to defend her family’s happiness, then reproaches, mockery, the most innocent jokes, and even just a mention of treason are taboo. Let it be life from scratch.
7. Set up children.
If there is a child in the family where adultery has occurred, everything becomes more complicated. Many couples stay together only because they are afraid of hurting their children. But they don’t even know that can put kids under even more stress than in the case of divorce.
Decided to really save the marriage and work on it? Okay. However, if there is no such desire, spouses often begin to lure children to their side and try to humiliate their partner in their eyes. According to statistics, women do it more often. Typical phrases:
- “Don’t be like your father”, “You are the spitting image of your father”, “You went to your father”;
- “All men are traitors”, “Never trust them”, “And your Sasha/Petya/Vasya is like that too”;
- “You always take the side of your father!”, “It wasn’t dad who was messing with you while you were sick”, “I carried you, gave birth, suffered, and you go to your father ?!”;
- “Don’t give him cutlets/laptop/money. He didn’t deserve it!”, “Don’t pick up the phone when he calls!”.
- “Choose: either me or him! Who will you live with? You mean not with me? You don’t have a mother anymore!”
No matter how the relationship with the husband subsequently develops, one cannot set the children against him or demand to stop communicating with him. He will always be their father. Just because he turned out to be a bad husband doesn’t mean he’s a bad dad. Stubbornness in this matter can lead to serious problems with children.
It is very difficult to learn and perceive adequately the fact that the husband is cheating. However, trying to avoid the most gross mistakes, you can restore family happiness and even increase it. If a divorce is still inevitable, then the right behavior will help you survive it with minimal losses and start a new, happy life faster.
7 biggest mistakes women cheat on their husbands.
