8 signs that you’re picking the wrong person. You tell yourself that there are problems in any relationship, but at the same time, you feel excruciatingly tired, as if you are alone trying to push a huge boulder up a mountain…
Let me guess, are you unhappy with your current relationship?
You tell yourself that there are problems in any relationship, but you are haunted by the agonizing feeling that love should make you feel better.
Your next excuse is that relationships are not easy. But at the same time, you feel so tired, as if alone trying to push a boulder up a mountain.
Where does the line go? How to determine that this is just a black band, and that you do not at all close your eyes to existing problems?
8 telltale signs that you’ve contacted someone who isn’t right for you:
1. You are constantly waiting for the person to change.
The first sign that you are putting up with your circumstances is hoping that your partner will change their behavior. Even if not everything is good between you now, you see potential in him. You hold back, repeating to yourself that the two of you just need a little more time.
It is wrong to bet that a person will change. Of course, it is possible to correct your behavior, but it is unhealthy to expect your partner to make you happier in this way.
Acceptance of your partner is essential to a happy and healthy relationship. If either of you thinks your partner needs to adjust in order for the relationship to work, then you just don’t fit.
2. You are adjusting, not looking for a compromise.
Healthy relationships are a two-way street.
If your partner constantly ignores your feelings, then this is a bad sign. A good partner will be open to expressing your concerns. He will let you know that you are a team and that he really wants to know about what is important to you.
Watch your partner’s reactions to your wants and needs, such as spending more time together.
It is your partner’s actions, not his words, that show his ability to meet you halfway. If he resists meeting your needs, and you end up sacrificing yourself to avoid conflict situations, then I’m sorry, but you are deceiving yourself.
3. Relationships seem both passionate and cold at the same time.
How often do you feel happy in a relationship? In 90% of cases? 75%? 40%? ten%? Or are you always unhappy but still clinging to a couple of wonderful moments that the two of you had in the past?
Answer yourself honestly.
According to the author of the bestselling ABC of Relationships, Zach Brittle, in a healthy relationship, for every 1 negative interaction between partners, there are at least 5 positive ones. There are no cloudless relationships, but the main thing is that the good always outweighs the bad.
4. Your friends and family notice something is wrong.
Do not pay attention to this. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t have a major impact on your relationship, but they can make you look at them from a different angle. For example, when three people close to me said that my boyfriend was a scoundrel, I thought.
I agree that your friends and relatives may not understand your relationship, but if it seems to them that you are closing your eyes to something, then this is already an alarming sign.
5. You would leave him if you knew that you would meet someone better.
When you’re 20, dating feels fun and easy. But at 30 you start to feel like you’re running out of time. You can be in an unsatisfactory relationship, but at the same time look around and convince yourself that this is “the best of all possible options.”
Many women subconsciously believe that at 29 they are stuck in a relationship with their boyfriend because the prospect of just dating at 30 seems terrifying to them. It doesn’t matter how dissatisfied you are with your current relationship, because 30 is the age when you should settle down (even if that means accepting something).
In my opinion, if you feel that you can find someone better, you should at least give yourself the opportunity to try your luck.
6. Your goals are incompatible.
He wants to move to the other end of the country, but you prefer to stay where he is. You want to get married, but he hasn’t decided yet. He dreams of 3 children and you hate them.
It doesn’t matter how good things are at the beginning of a relationship, because having partners with incompatible goals will ultimately lead to problems. The two of you should definitely discuss your relationship and life goals.
If your semblance of living together is fundamentally different, later on, the two of you may begin to blame each other for putting up with a lot because of your partner.
7. You “slide” towards a decision, and do not accept it yourself.
Interestingly, couples who live together before marriage tend to be less satisfied with their marriage and more prone to divorce. This is called the cohabitation effect.
According to clinical psychologist and author of The Critical Years, Mag Jay, many couples start living together out of convenience and end up slipping into marriage because it is the next logical step, not an assessment of their relationship.
Jay points out that the criterion for moving in together is much weaker than marriage, but once a couple starts living together, the parties feel a “trap” because it has become much more difficult (and more expensive) to separate.
If you find yourself in a similar position, ask yourself if you really want to marry this person, or if you just live with him under the same roof.
8. Alert your inner voice.
Intuition is a powerful indicator of the quality of your relationship. Are you constantly worried and unsure about your relationship? Do you feel like your partner underestimates you, doesn’t see you, or doesn’t like you at all? Does he make you feel demanding about wanting more out of the relationship?
If the answer is yes, then this clearly indicates that you were wrong in your choice of life partner.
In a healthy relationship, the initial feeling of butterflies in the stomach is replaced by a feeling of comfort and safety. You stop worrying about your partner not loving you because they give you all the physical and emotional proof of their love you need.
A bad feeling usually means that you are putting up with something. These are the 8 telltale signs you’re picking the wrong person.
