Modernity is distinguished by phenomena hitherto unseen. For example, changing gender roles. Increasingly, you can meet a couple in which the woman contains the man, and not vice versa. In society, there is an ambiguous attitude towards such a fact.
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Attitude towards a freeloader in Soviet times
In Soviet times, the attitude towards a man who sits on a woman’s neck was unequivocal.
Such a dependent is vividly described by Daria Dontsova. This is an overgrown child who is used to sitting behind his mother or grandmother. A person who does not have the skills to maintain himself in everyday life, therefore, in search of a wife who would continue family traditions. He is tolerated because they do not imagine how it could be otherwise. And also because he is a genius. Usually this is a literary, less often scientific, incorruptible, which will show people what real talent is (where Pushkin is!). In anticipation of the release of the work, he sleeps sweetly and eats deliciously, not bothering with the question of where things and products come from in the house.
Most often, such a story ends badly – either with the complete financial collapse of the family, or with a dubious scam, once in which the “genius” dies or goes to prison.
So the writer derogatoryly treats idlers and freeloaders, expressing a general opinion. It can rightfully be called a Soviet attitude, since in that society it was customary to consider a man as a breadwinner and head of the family. And that’s the only way, no exceptions.
Times are changing, has the attitude towards parasites and women who claim to support a man changed?
Why is it bad to keep a man?
Why does a woman have to support a man? Obviously, because he does not earn enough not only to take care of a woman, but also to provide for himself.
Women’s coaches say you should stay away from this. Otherwise, the energy of low incomes, like an infectious disease, will pass to the girl. And then the population of the planet will increase by one poor man, or rather, the poor.
And they add that the male prerogative is to give, including money, and the female is to receive. And pay, but not with money, but with other values - love, affection, support, attention.
It is difficult to argue with the fact that everything in our world is permeated with energy, but whether it is contagious or not is still unknown.
But other facts are known, already from the point of view of psychology, which indicate that the women’s motto: “I support a man” is bad. Because:
- It forces a woman to take a deliberately wrong position – I can influence him. Despite the fact that it has long been proven that you can only change yourself, ladies continue to believe in their exclusivity, that they can change a man. Such a situation always ends in failure, heartbreak and confidence in the impossibility of happiness.
- The Gigolo man is an ordinary person who obeys the laws of psychology, which claims that our subconscious controls our lives. And there are age-old foundations that say that it is right to support a woman yourself, and not to live at her expense. Consciousness, on the other hand, forces us to act in the opposite way, which results in an internal conflict. As a result – life on the edge, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, depression.
- This state of affairs, when a woman gives money to a man, forces him to gradually perceive her as a mother. They don’t sleep with their mothers. The sexual component of the relationship is coming to naught, which further complicates the situation.
- Male accomplices do not suffer from idiocy, and they know how to look ahead. For example, he puts the money taken from a woman into his account, and weaves a new fairy tale for her. It’s the same with relationships. He understands that the design is unreliable, which means that you must always be ready to rush into the search. Or maybe not wait for the right opportunity, but now prepare an alternate airfield. Treason is a characteristic feature of such an alliance.
Needless to say, from a psychological point of view, everything does not look rosy at all. And a woman needs to seriously think before entering into such a relationship.
A new look at an old problem
However, as time goes by, habits change. A situation has arisen in which women voluntarily agree to pay men for their presence in life. Moreover, the trend is growing year by year. Employees of dating services note that literally 7-10 years ago, men were not interested in the financial situation of their chosen ones. Now this is not only the most popular request, but also a new addition to the questionnaire – “not against the content.”
How do women feel about this? In different ways, how many women, so many opinions. However, there are some general trends.
The number of male gigolos has increased significantly with the advent of business women. From their youth, they made a choice in favor of a career. Sooner or later, the business was getting better, money and time appeared, but there was no personal life. As a rule, these are ladies of the age, they believe that worthy men are sorted out, but they are not drawn to look at the bad ones. That’s when young boys appear who warm the bed, and for this she buys clothes, a car, a telephone, and takes full maintenance. Usually not attached, often changes, fortunately, the choice has recently appeared. If he is inflamed with feelings, he is quickly disappointed, faced with infidelity, greed and lies.
- Mutually beneficial cooperation
Again, the new generation of girls are not averse to supporting a man. All at work, not loving to look after the house, cook and create comfort, she accepts the help of a man with pleasure and gratitude. Such a shift in roles is good when it suits both parties without causing a conflict situation. A man fulfills his role – morally helps a girl, has sex, keeps the household in exemplary order, waits with a hot dinner in the evenings. And she does what she is used to, appreciates comfort and support. Everyone is happy.
While this is not a well-studied side of interpersonal relationships, and there is no data on how long this status quo persists. Science will have its say.
If a man is closely engaged in science, he does not have the opportunity to earn money. There is work, but researchers without special regalia are paid little, so the wife takes on this burden. And here it depends only on her how family life will turn: if she considers this situation normal, the family will survive, if she cannot, it will fall apart. Often, she takes the situation calmly, believing that the time will come and the work of her husband will be appreciated, and they will bring material results.
- Psychological problems
It turned out that there are life situations in which the wife begins to support her husband because of unresolved psychological issues. When childhood traumas are so strong that they plunge a man into depression, they do not allow him to cope with the situation. The specialist will help not only to understand the causes of the conflict, but also to eliminate them. Then the man will again overflow with faith in himself and the desire for success.
- Time will tell
There are also cases when a wife has to support her husband during a difficult period of his life – he was fired, fell ill, makes a career. There are many reasons. That rare case when the financial support of the wife for the family plays a decisive role. Sooner or later, the husband finds a job, recovers, and his career goes uphill. Then the fact when you had to live on the means of your wife, but she did not reproach, but believed, is remembered with gratitude and warmth. The husband appreciates his wife even more, and does everything to provide for the family.
Yes, there are situations when women come to terms with the fact that they have to support a man, but, in general, the attitude towards this fact is negative.
Can any man be a gigolo?
No, a normal man, even if he finds himself in a situation of financial dependence on a woman, will try to find a way out and start earning.
Psychologists note the common features that led to the fact that a man became a gigolo:
- in the parental family there was an authoritarian mother who suppressed her husband, or he was not;
- a boy who was not brought up as an independent person, a person capable of taking responsibility. From a woman, he expects a solution to his problems, guardianship and material maintenance;
- “genius” Dontsova, who believes that everyone around them lives only to serve him. He became so because from childhood he was used to hearing about his exclusivity and genius, to take “service” for granted;
- young men who want to get everything at once by marrying an elderly but rich and famous diva. Usually these are spoiled children, accustomed to the fact that everything in life comes easy;
- if in childhood the boy received a psychological trauma associated with a woman, then he begins to hate them and believe that women have a duty to men for the fact that they give pleasure in bed;
- because of fear and uncertainty, a person does not move forward, does not develop. If next to him is a well-earning woman, then she does not stop there. There is a conflict of speeds, when one moves forward, and the other pulls it back. By the way, a woman who is in a long union with a similar type also, as a rule, has psychological problems. It is difficult for her to accept the current situation, but she is also afraid to remain alone. Such a story ends with a difficult female recovery or drags on in a haze for many years.
Conclusion: a man who has distortions in education can become a gigolo.
How to distinguish Alphonse?
If a woman does not want to support a man, she needs to know by what signs she can distinguish him. Psychologists advise paying attention to the behavior of a man:
- At the very beginning of the acquaintance, Alphonse will be very persistent. He gives flowers, confesses his love, fills with compliments. But one has only to surrender under the onslaught, everything immediately disappears – gifts, bouquets, feelings.
- In bed, does not call a woman by name. Obviously, it is explained by the fact that there he is relaxed, feels vulnerable and does not want to open up, because real goals do not shine with beauty.
- He does not talk much or at all about himself, but he listens with interest to the girl, pushes her to tell a story about herself. And if he asks questions, he is interested in the material side.
- Women are compassionate creatures, and they are led by stories about a difficult childhood, personal tragedy, and life’s obstacles. All this gloomy narrative has one goal – to arouse sympathy, and after that the desire to help and warm.
- He deftly leads to the fact that help should be material. For example, a difficult part of childhood has passed into adult reality in the form of a large debt that threatens his life and health, or someone close to him is sick.
- An important task for the gigolo is not to let go of the “goldfish”. And here he can, of course, go out of his way and be useful in the household, but most often he is zealous in bed. A normal woman, just like a man, needs sex, and if it is exceptional, unique, stunning? Who wants to refuse such happiness?! And if you want to have, pay, dear.
Recognizing Alphonse is not so difficult. It’s harder to refuse a connection that is doomed to failure.
How does a woman feel in such a relationship?
There are only two alternatives here.
If a woman approaches this consciously, does not feel like a victim, but takes everything she can from the situation. For example, a young boy gives a business lady an unforgettable sex that helps to look young and feel at her best. Or a situation where a man, who is supported by a lady, provides comfort and homeliness. Such women are calm, adequately perceive reality, take care of themselves and are happy in their own way.
If she irritates herself, she looks bad, as she feels. Because she gets tired of hard, hopeless work, she does not feel support, only a heavy burden that she has taken on herself. A situation that is difficult to put up with is better to change.
A man, feeling his inferiority, takes out his helplessness and anger on a woman, which makes her life completely hopeless.
Whether a conversation with a companion, leaving for another life – everyone chooses for themselves. You just need to remember that life is one, and you need to live it in such a way that it is not excruciatingly painful to remember.
So it turns out that when a woman says: “I support a man,” she puts so much meaning into this phrase that there can be no unambiguous judgment or action in this situation.
Alphonse! or a man earns less than a woman! Psychology. Psychotherapy