A stranger man – how to beat him off from a rival if she is a wife? You met in a bar at your friend’s birthday party. Having recently come back to life after a past relationship, you didn’t plan to start a new romance so quickly. No two kavaler turned out to be very attractive, funny and persistent, and you quickly capitulated. The trouble came from where they did not expect.
After a month of romantic dates in small cozy cafes in different parts of the city, you could not stand it and blurted out to that very friend that now your heart is busy. “Are you out of your mind? He has a girlfriend!” – came from the receiver in response, and you went cold. Having dotted the “and”, after listening to a sentimental story about how long things have been bad for them, you were faced with a choice: fight for your happiness or retreat?
Why a man does not leave a relationship in which he is not happy
According to psychologist and professor at the University of São Paulo Ailton Amelio da Silva, when there is a crisis in a relationship, men prefer to “play dead” in order not to take on unnecessary obligations.
They try to stay away from the epicenter of the conflict, spend more time at work or with friends, and thus force women to make decisions on their own. They believe that any of their actions can change the fragile balance for the worse and prefer to wait until the relationship improves on its own, or the partner loses his nerve and puts an end to this.
Da Silva explained that one of the reasons that worries a man the most in a situation like this is the need to justify himself: “He doesn’t want to put an end to it because he knows that a woman will question him, and men hate to feel cornered.”
From a social point of view, a man is considered a breadwinner, and ending a relationship is harming a loved one. He regards separation as a personal defeat and proceeds not only from the fact whether feelings remain or not, but also weighs all the pros and cons of parting.
Therefore, the presence of another woman’s man’s life, even if he feels more comfortable in a relationship with her, is not a guarantee that he will prefer her. There can be quite a few obstacles on the way to your happiness:
How to take a man out of the family?
- loss of stability. There is, though not very friendly, but some kind of family or its semblance, the opportunity to have sex from time to time or see children when he wants it;
- desire to bargain for better terms. Who decided to break;
- fear of being left with nothing. Suddenly you will throw it and go to another, on will no longer find a worthy lady of the heart, but the previous passion;
- loss of reputation and fear of social condemnation. In the eyes of most people, a man is a this should be done before n mistake. How to entrust a person with something serious if he does not know how to control his needs? Chose a woman? But it isn’t that hard to find, and it’s not possible for one to become a dog.
Is it possible to force a man to choose you, and how to do it?
Get ready for it. That in the event of a break (especially if, on the other side of the truth, an abandoned mother and seven on the shops are crying with burning tears), society will not blame the man. Because you, the insidious hunter for other people’s wealth, unprincipledly took him away. Unflattering epithets and tired expressions will rush after you, that you cannot build your happiness on the ruins of someone else’s, even if you know for sure that there was no smell of happiness there.
It is terrible when a man is presented as a weak-willed led being who can be lured into a chusta with a lump of sugar. This is far from true. If a person is truly in love, no beauty will seduce him. However, sometimes people enter into relationships for more mundane reasons, or out of necessity, so your intervention can be a kind of gift of fate.
But do not forget about the fact that not every man is ready to sacrifice stability for the sake of a hobby on the side, which may not last long. Over time, you will find yourself in the place of his previous companion, where is the guarantee that out of boredom you will not be exchanged for someone fresher? Fighting for a busy man is always a risk, not only your future is at stake, but also your peace of mind and reputation. Therefore, before putting everything at stake, think over the ways of retreat and prepare yourself for the possible consequences.
- Decide what you want.
Make sure that he interests you not only because he is not free. Your relationship should not turn into a battlefield where everyone tries to shift the responsibility to the chipplie. You are not the sharp corner of a triangle, but exactly the same person with fears and feelings. Don’t be afraid to state your terms.
- Give a man what he lacks.
If he cannot choose between the two of you, then you have something to oppose to his lady of the heart. Develop in yourself those qualities that beckon him. No try to keep him with sex, build an emotional connection. Next to you, he should feel safe, in addition, such a position will allow you to get to know him better before you make a final decision.
- Don’t play the part of his therapist.
You are not a vest for tears, he should not solve problems in his relationship at your expense. The more you try to listen to him and help him, the less attractive you become in his eyes.
- Don’t dwell on it.
Let him know that you are not ready to wait for him for years, and you have your own busy life. No need to call the phone to the front of the room and not to any of the planes. Fill your everyday life with what will be no less important to you than your relationship with him.
- Don’t be intrusive.
Don’t presled by the telephone numbers and the same. When you show your Interest too clearly, there is a danger that he will take advantage of your gullibility, but you will not succeed in anything serious.
- No insult his companion.
So you will not add points to yourself, you will only show your insecurity and anger. Even if you have good reason to rush to his defense. On a man, and on himself is able to resolve issues in his family.
- No way to a woman.
When the boiling point is reached, it is difficult to resist and save face. No, if you think you’ll get off with a little bloodshed by opening her eyes to how things really are, erm. At a minimum, remember that crime statistics are not made up of books.
Ask yourself the question: Do you really want to be with a person who does not respect himself so much that he is ready to lie and dodge. Trust is a very fragile thing. He may never change you, but all your life you will think that one day you will find yourself in the place of his deceived woman. As far as the future is concerned, the situation is resolved with two active people.