Today we want to clarify whether it is wise to cancel a date to make yourself more interesting or whether that is a bad idea. (Cancel a date to make yourself interesting? Expert’s recommendation!)
Since I have already experienced both positions – that of rejecting and relocating – I would like to explain today what is really the best decision.
Here we go!
So cancel a date to make yourself interesting?
No! Basically, it is not the best decision to cancel a date – possibly even at short notice – in order to make yourself more interesting. Because in the worst case this could even have the opposite effect.
Nobody likes to be transferred and it’s just not a comfortable situation for the other person. Besides, love and interest can never be forced.
If your date doesn’t want to see you as much as you do him or her, at some point you should consider whether it’s the wrong person.
So, let’s first clarify the following:
How do you actually tell if the date is interested?
Not everyone is always available, sometimes something comes up or you just want to be alone. But that doesn’t mean that the person is fundamentally not interested in you.
Especially in the early stages of a relationship, you often have to weigh things up and re-prioritize. Not everyone can immediately and completely engage with a new person.
However, you can tell if your counterpart is serious by the following 3 things :
1. Your date shows interest by asking questions
- “How are you today?”
- “How was the work?” Or
- “Did you have a nice day?”
are just a few questions that show that your potential partner is genuinely interested in you, your everyday life, and your current mood.
Regardless of whether these questions are asked in person on a date – or due to a real lack of time – via WhatsApp or telephone.
2. Your date is paying attention
- “You said you didn’t like tomatoes, right ?!”
- “Were you able to clarify the situation with your colleague?”
The person you are dating remembers details from your stories about your job, family, or your interests and preferences.
Little things can show you in this way that there is real interest. If you were just a nice pastime, this detailed information would not be remembered.
The last point that says your date likes to meet you:
3. You are not the only one to take the initiative
As I said, there can be reasons to cancel a date. The working day was stressful, you don’t feel well or you just need some time for yourself.
That doesn’t mean that there is no interest. But if the suggestions to meet come exclusively from you, you should ask yourself whether it is wise to maintain this contact. Sometimes it is then a better choice to reorient yourself.
But if these 3 points apply, you can assume that there is a fundamental interest. 😊
But never forget:
Interest is not a one-way street and should always be mutual. So ask, listen, and make the person feel like you’re interested too.
Nobody likes to feel like they are not important enough. So what you want or expect should be just as natural for you.
Even canceling a date should therefore not be done lightly. Because every action triggers something in our counterpart and leads us to the next important question:
What are the consequences of an (actually unfounded) cancellation?
Here, too, we have to make a distinction:
Is your date genuinely interested in you or is it basically not really there? We have just explained how you can tell.
If the latter is the case, a rejection on your part will hardly achieve what you hope for. Nobody who cares little about you and your concerns will change this if you cancel a date.
However, if the opposite is the case, an actually unfounded or flimsy rejection by you may have the following consequences:
1. Your date feels offended
The first reaction will surely be a disappointment. A date is always a situation for which you have to prepare yourself physically and mentally.
If you are transferred, nobody is happy about it and you start brooding because you were looking forward to the meeting. A question that may arise as a result could be:
2. “Is my date interested in me at all?”
This in turn means for you that the exact opposite of what you actually wanted may happen. Maybe he or she answers the question for himself with no and then withdraws even more.
There is no way that this can be what you want to achieve. Therefore, it is always important to weigh up before canceling a date. It’s not always avoidable, but it depends on the circumstances and the way you do it.
So all of that doesn’t mean that you can’t cancel a date. Therefore, we will now also deal with what to consider if a cancellation on your part is inevitable.
What to do if you have to cancel a date?
It is quite allowed and ok to cancel a date if you have reasons for it. The day was stressful, you don’t feel well or you have to do something else. All of this is perfectly fine. Nobody has to be always available.
But the same applies here: Treat your date as you would like to be treated yourself.
If possible, try to cancel in person and in good time
Avoid getting in touch a few hours or even minutes before a date. The greater the anticipation of the other person is, the greater the disappointment.
The way you convey the rejection is also important. The best impression is sure to cancel the date in person – for example by telephone. A short cell phone message always seems impersonal and shows little appreciation.
Justify your rejection
Explain why you are canceling. An honest explanation is always better than an imaginary, spectacular reason for rejection.
“My cat fell in the chimney and the fire department just arrived.”
“I just found out that I have to do the 30-page term paper tonight.”
show neither creativity nor credibility. But they show that they don’t take the truth very seriously, because they are easy to see through.
It is much better to be clear about what the reason is:
“I’m just absolutely knocked out today and would definitely not be good company.”
“Today I need some time for my hobby, my mom, myself …”
are facts that are absolutely ok.
Honestly conveyed and explained, it shouldn’t be a problem for the other person to deal with this rejection.
Of course, cancellations should always be the exception. But if they are necessary, they should be communicated appropriately. However, if you notice yourself that your own rejections for dates with a person are piling up, you have to consider whether you are really interested in further dates yourself.
1. Can you increase the interest of the other person?
On the one hand, this is not necessary if there is real interest and, on the other hand, it is hardly possible. Because you are the way you are and should be liked that way.
2. How do I know that my date is serious about me?
The person shows interest and initiative when it comes to the next date, asks questions, and is available for you.
3. What to do if I am transferred?
Do not take it so hard. Most of the time, this just means that something urgent has just come up. However, if it happens more often, think about whether there is a better alternative.
It’s perfectly okay to cancel a date if there is a good reason to do so. This can be anything. But you should always explain it appropriately to the person.
Be open and honest and also tell if you feel that you are not being treated appropriately in any way. Attention and love cannot be forced. If there is not enough interest, it is most likely simply the wrong person being sought.
Canceling a date to get someone interested is nonsense because it certainly won’t do what you want.
Have you ever been transferred or canceled a date to make yourself more interesting?