Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love. Love and its definition can be viewed from different points of view – philosophical, religious, psychological, even medical. She is admired, inspired, idolized, exalted, poems, paintings, music, life are dedicated to her. However, is it possible to say that everyone understands love in their own way? What is it like, what does it consist of, how does it differ from other feelings, can it cause harm? And most importantly, how do you find it?
What is love?
Love is a deep, lasting, enduring affection, coupled with the corresponding benevolent actions. The “feeling-action” link is inseparable. Love without an emotional component (feelings of sympathy) is a service for profit or humanity, and without external manifestations (actions) it is passion or love.
If a passer-by decides to give a hand to a fallen stranger, this will show him as a compassionate, caring, kind person. But the act will not testify to love. If one of the couples has warm feelings, but does not want to express it outwardly (help, care, etc.), then another emotion also appears here.
There is no clear single definition for this concept, since different teachings interpret love in their own way. For example:
- religion (Christianity) – sacrifice, patience, forgiveness;
- philosophy is the highest form of interconnection between people;
- science – chemical-physical processes and states that affect the psyche;
- psychology – a manifestation of socialization, the desire for procreation;
- society – a unifying category in the family (blood, acquired);
- art is one of the most powerful sources of inspiration, stimulus;
- esoteric – an energy connection predetermined by higher forces.
The very concept of love is ideal, but its manifestations in human behavior are not. And that’s okay. You can imagine a flawless pearl in your imagination, but in reality, even the most beautiful pearls have microscopic cracks, chips, and scuffs.
You can perceive this feeling as a moral and emotional category, associate it only with psychology or spirituality. But it is still difficult to deny the fact that it affects the physiological state, well-being.
Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love.
Love is:
1. Care.
The desire to patronize, protect from any problems, negative emotions is a sure sign of a serious feeling. It manifests itself in attentiveness to a loved one and his needs.
Examples: caring for a sick person, helping with household chores, providing comfort (wrap a blanket, give a massage).
2. Respect.
A loving person tries to reckon with the worldview, views, interests of his object of love. He accepts, respects even those aspects that he does not fully understand.
Examples: the ability to listen to the interlocutor, interest in him as a person, tolerant attitude.
3. Responsibility.
The keyword is voluntary responsibility. This is a personal decision of the lover, and not an imposed obligation. A person understands that his behavior affects not only himself, but also the reputation, feelings, life of the one to whom this love is addressed.
Examples: planning for a shared future, striving to resolve rather than suppress or ignore conflicts, working to improve relationships.
4. Freedom.
It would seem that the opposite concept of responsibility. But it is equally present in a healthy relationship. If commitment is “we”, then freedom is “me”. More precisely, the willingness to allow another to not bury this “I” anywhere, not to sacrifice it in favor of “we” or the partner’s ego.
Examples: absence of threats, manipulations, categorical unreasonable prohibitions; providing a choice, the opportunity to be yourself.
5. Proximity.
This is close communication, understanding of each other at the intellectual, emotional, physical levels. A loved one becomes an inseparable part of life, and his usual habits and character are studied almost thoroughly.
Examples: joint traditions, free tactile contact without tightness or awkwardness (kisses, hugs, touches), built mutual understanding.
6. Selflessness.
Love is free from selfishness. It also has nothing to do with the deal. Giving his feelings, help, care, a lover does it free of charge. The attitude “you – to me, and I – to you” is a sign of frivolity of feelings or inability to love.
Examples: the desire to do something pleasant without expecting something in return, generosity (including in compliments), initiative.
7. Trust.
Openness in thoughts and actions, sincerity, confidence in the object of adoration are also very important. They form the basis of a healthy relationship, allowing the other components of love to develop.
Examples: fidelity, personal conversations, the discovery of secrets, the ability to rely on another, faith in the word.
8. Development.
Love makes people change, develop together. Moreover, this is not only the “acquaintance-cohabitation-marriage-children” scheme. This also includes work on relationships and yourself, improving your life together.
Examples: finding and developing common interests, activities, working with a family psychologist, improving the “I” for the comfort of “we”.
9. Sobriety.
Awareness is an integral facet of love that accompanies all of its described parts. Care, attention, trust without understanding, voluntary acceptance of oneself is an obsession, passion, a fleeting hobby.
Examples: a clear awareness of the disadvantages of a loved one, moderate quarrels (their complete absence speaks of idealization, illusory nature), a clear understanding of the difficulties in relationships.
Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love.
Physiology of love.
In the body of a loving person, a real hormonal boom occurs. Moreover, the types of hormones, their proportions at different stages of the relationship differ markedly. Interestingly, the amount of some of these substances depends on the gender of the lover. The main ones include 6 hormones.
- Dopamine. It is developed at the moment when a person decides to take an action that brings him joy (to see his partner). Stimulates excitement, pleasant excitement, emotional excitement, anticipation.
- Adrenaline. Creates the effect of “positive stress”. It activates all the resources of the body, including the nervous system. It is because of him that there is a feeling of “omnipotence”, a desire to move mountains.
- Serotonin. This is the key to a good mood. Its deficiency causes depression. The paradox is that its level drops if adrenaline appears in the blood. That is why in the early stages of a relationship, lovers sometimes tend to be sad, exaggerate, suffer from scratch.
- Endorphins. Cause satisfaction, euphoria. They are especially actively developed during tactile contact with the object of sympathy. Over time, their production decreases. However, chocolate, sports and sex restore the balance.
- Oxytocin. Awakens affection, enhances intimacy, trust. Reduces the amount of all previous substances. Passion is replaced by a pleasant calm, a sense of reliability, stability.
- Vasopressin. It has the same effect as oxytocin. However, in greater concentration it is manifested in men. This is the “guarantee of monogamy” guy.
Taken together, this hormonal mix improves immunity, metabolism, mood, the state of the cardiovascular system, memory, attention, and stimulates the creative work of the brain.
Types of love.
Type of subject (owner) of feelings
- Parent. Most sacrificial. These are the feelings not only of the father-mother, but also of grandparents, uncles, aunts, guardians.
- Children’s. The most open, direct, sincere, but slightly capricious.
- Romantic. Love in a couple or between spouses. Includes erotic overtones.
- Friendly. Appears and strengthens much longer than other species. More rare.
- Sister/brotherhood. It has common features with parent-child, friendly. The bias towards one or the other is determined, as a rule, by the difference in age.
John Alan Lee classification.
A sociologist-publicist from Canada took the reflections of the ancient Greeks about love as the basis of his typology. He singled out three main types of love relationships, attributing different colors to them:
- eros is red. Passion, idealization, adoration, irresistible attraction, a clear predominance of emotions over reason, blindness;
- storge – yellow. Calm family relationships based on similar interests, closeness, friendship, trust, mutual understanding, tenderness.
- ludus – blue. Gambling feeling, an attempt to get rid of boredom, passion for the purpose of obtaining pleasure.
Lee also argued that pairwise mixed primary species create three secondary types :
- mania – eros + ludus, purple. Obsession, fanaticism, deviation from a healthy form of relationship. Instability, unpredictability.
- pragma – ludus + storge, green. Rationality, the predominance of reason over emotions, selectivity, awareness, the search for profit, self-interest.
- agape – eros + storge, orange. Unselfishness, openness, generosity, voluntary sacrifice, unconditional feelings.
social status.
It means the level of income, education, culture. Sometimes religion, specific traditions of an individual family or an entire people (for example, castes in India) are also taken into account.
- Equal – the relationship between members of the same social class. Approved and encouraged by society.
- Unequal – feelings that arise between people of different social strata. This is love with serious obstacles.
The relation of the object to the subject.
- Mutual – reciprocal feelings between partners, equal attitude towards each other.
- Unrequited – lack of reciprocity or inequality in the strength, quality of emotions.
- Anonymous – a situation in which people do not know about the presence or depth of each other’s feelings. As a rule, these are the first stages of acquaintance or periods after serious quarrels, a long separation.
Sympathy, love, love.
Is there a difference between these concepts? It turns out yes. It is expressed not only in the brightness, duration of emotions, but also in relation to another person.
- Sympathy is a spontaneous interest based on the obvious signs of a new acquaintance. Its duration and further development can be completely different. That is, both a complete interruption of affection and its transformation into a more serious, deep feeling are possible. This is an interest in appearance, in positive qualities that immediately catch the eye, in the presence of common hobbies.
- Falling in love is a steady sympathy that occurs after rapprochement, closer acquaintance. Appears at a stage when people know each other well. This is an “immature” form of love, since there is still some illusory nature in it. As a rule, it coincides with the “candy-bouquet” period and the peak of the hormonal surge.
- Love is conscious deep love. The disadvantages of a person or a relationship with him are perceived adequately. There is no ignoring, silence, avoidance. There is no dependence, affects, fanaticism.
Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love.
An approximate gradation of these states can be conveyed by the following phrases:
- “You have beautiful eyes. Do you like comics too? Great. Let’s talk some other time” – sympathy.
- “How I adore you! You are my Everything. I can’t imagine my life without you” — love.
- “Even though there are disagreements between us and we have many differences, you make me a better person” – love.
Sometimes the line is very thin, so falling in love is easy to confuse with love. But the latter lasts longer and is much less subject to selfishness, whims, impulses.
Does love at first sight exist?
In general, people fall into two categories:
- those who are looking for the perfect couple (“soul mate”, betrothed / betrothed, fate);
- those who themselves create the ideal relationship with any suitable partner.
The former rely more on compatibility – psychological, physical, domestic, even zodiac. The second are practitioners who believe that ideals are not found, but are created. But who is right?
Partially both. On the one hand, there are thousands of situations when people already at the first meeting feel “chemistry”, and then live happily in love and harmony. On the other hand, despite the strength of emotions at the first meeting, love comes later. Loving people know their loved ones well. Deep knowledge cannot be achieved after the first conversations. That is, for a serious feeling, time and communication are still required.
Can love hurt?
It turns out yes. And we are not talking about an affective, unhealthy state, but about a completely adequate version of feelings.
American scientists conducted an experiment involving 50-80-year-old people who have lost their partners. During the study, it was found that the subjects have an increased risk of cardiovascular diseases and inflammatory processes. The threat of death in such people was increased by 41%.
And for patients with poor health, strong, even positive emotional outbursts (constant) act in the same way as chronic stress.
To reduce the risk, it is enough to contact a psychotherapist, start practicing yoga or meditation, learn to take time for yourself. And for the younger ones, to believe that love is not as rare as it is described in novels. You can seriously fall in love several times in your life.
Love lives for 3 years?
The title of the book of the same name by the popular writer Frederic Begbeder has become almost a catchphrase. Moreover, it is confusing, since in the novel itself this phrase is the self-hypnosis of the protagonist, and not a psychological fact.
However, statistics show that the milestone of three years often becomes fatal, insurmountable for many couples. Why does this happen? The reason is in hormones and attitude to difficulties.
Change in hormonal background.
The first stages of communication between lovers cause them to produce serotonin, adrenaline, norepinephrine, endorphins, dopamine. They also cause a feeling of “butterflies in the stomach”, a pleasant shiver, an emotional upsurge up to insomnia, dizziness.
However, these hormones do not last forever. Over time, their production begins to clearly decline. And although oxytocin and vasopressin are replacing them, such bright outbursts of emotions as before do not happen anymore. This decline is perceived by lovers as the departure of feelings, so they sometimes decide to leave.
Relationship work.
At the beginning of an acquaintance, people, as a rule, try to show themselves from the best side, hide the minuses of character, bad habits. But soon the masks begin to fall off, and negative traits begin to appear more and more. It seems that a person is radically changing for the worse. However, this is only a sign that he is relaxing more and discovering his true nature.
When there is a clash of two “I”, accustomed to live only by their own rules, conflicts begin. By the third year of a relationship, couples often come together, and in everyday life this junction is felt more acutely. The sharply increased number of quarrels is perceived as a reason for a break.
In fact, love as a result of the constant work of partners lasts much longer. It is enough to perceive the difficult stage as a temporary difficulty. If you try to solve joint problems, and not leave them, a bright feeling will become a constant companion.
Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love.
How to attract love into your life?
It will not be about a specific variety, but about love as the surrounding atmosphere. How can you fill your life with positive vibrations, improve relationships with loved ones, and even attract friendships or romantic relationships?
1. Be grateful for what you already have.
The ability to appreciate real achievements, already existing gifts of fate is quite an important trait. And vice versa – constant grumbling repels any positive and people. Enjoying what he has, a person improves his mood, becomes happier, smiles more often, attracts all good things to himself like a magnet.
It is enough once a day to mentally thank fate / God / the universe / yourself for having health, a roof over your head, joyful moments, loved ones, friends. Even the opportunity to just walk, breathe, enjoy nature, learn new things is already a reason to be grateful.
2. Get out of your comfort zone.
People who are accustomed to living according to one scenario rarely achieve significant success. And how to get them if you want to change your life, but no efforts are made?
Leaving your comfort zone does not mean skydiving or changing your country of residence. Of course, you can also do this, but in fact there are a lot of other ways to dilute the routine:
- sign up for courses, a circle, a section, even a one-time seminar or training;
- buy new clothes that are not similar in style to ordinary ones, get a new hairstyle, repaint;
- develop a good habit (plan the day, drink plenty of water, go to bed, get up at the same time, for example);
- change the usual routes to work, shop, hairdresser;
- go to a concert, speed dating, exhibition, theater, cinema, club.
Another important feature: it is important to be on the street or in institutions among new people more often.
3. Love yourself.
No one will love/respect/appreciate someone who does not love/respect/appreciate himself. It is a fact. A person with low self-esteem attracts either the same “problem” partners, or those who are not averse to profiting from someone else’s “good” – money, energy, feelings. And you hardly want to mess with an adult child or a parasite.
Therefore, the first step for those who are looking for love is to pay attention to themselves. How to improve self-esteem? Take care of your own appearance, internal (spiritual, psychological, intellectual) development.
Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love.
4. Give kindness.
No matter how harsh life and caustic skeptics are, the “boomerang rule” still works. Good deeds, even just words, come back, bringing benefits. But not always in the expected way.
People may not return kindness to positivity. But the brain and self-esteem – 100%. Having done something good, a person feels a rise in mood, enthusiasm. The point is not only in self-hypnosis, but also in the hormones of joy, satisfaction, which are produced in the body after good deeds or positive phrases.
5. Let go of the past.
Holding on to past mistakes, resentment, obsessing over people, events from the past, a person deprives himself of the future. Moreover, there are problems with the present. The situation can be compared to entries in a diary:
- the past is already filled pages,
- current time is an empty string,
- the future is the next sheets.
If all the time you only re-read the written pages, you will not be able to get to the new ones. And the blank line will remain blank. Therefore, closing old gestalts, leaving the past behind is a necessity. Then life will give pleasant changes.
At first glance, love seems quite understandable, familiar to all feelings. But it is worth digging deeper – and the secret facets, complex parts, the deep meaning of its existence are revealed. It requires awareness, does not tolerate falsehood, but in return it gives unearthly happiness. For some it is an ideal, for others it is the fruit of hard work. But hardly anyone will deny its importance and indispensability.
Does Love at first sight exist? Physiology of Love.
