Does your boyfriend like photos of other girls? That’s why! It happens in life. The relationship of the couple is normal, the guy does not give reasons for jealousy, the girl is sitting on the couch, browsing her pages on social networks, and discovers that her boyfriend liked the photo of another girl. And one more. And further.
Sometimes this is enough to cause a person to have an attack of jealousy or a feeling of self-doubt. Often this becomes a cause for great concern. Why do guys tag photos of other girls on social networks, although they themselves are in a relationship and, at least at first glance, everything is fine with them? Is it worth worrying about this at all? How did he even find this girl on Instagram and how many others does he follow? Questions like this don’t bother me.
Dr. Jenn Mann, a practicing psychotherapist, spoke about what this could mean and what to do in a similar situation.
Does your boyfriend like photos of other girls? That’s why!
Reasons for conflict
Her many years of experience show that the largest number of intractable conflicts in couples is associated with social networks. Experiences in this regard are most often demonstrated by women. Men with such problems seek help much less frequently. Of course, there are women who do not pay attention to whom their partner is following, commenting on or liking. But they are rather the exception. And given the fact that in this case, some familiar girl, and not a random, unattainable supermodel, most often becomes the subject of interest, in most cases this will cause questions and problems.
According to Dr. Mann, you need to consider that most people are visual creatures, what they see is important to them. Everyone likes to look at attractive people. And even if you’re in a relationship and happy, that doesn’t mean you’ve lost the ability to appreciate aesthetically pleasing images. However, there is a difference between admiration and heightened interest.
Dr. Mann, based on her many years of clinical experience, identified two types of men who “like” photos of other girls. In the first category, she refers the innocent, in the second – the guilty.
When the guy is not to blame?
These guys may like photos of other girls for a variety of reasons. Perhaps he is trying to be cute, or he just liked the photo, for example, he is attracted to this type of figure. In favor of his innocence is the fact that he really does not think about anything and he just likes a lot of what flickers in his feed. Maybe also that his previous girlfriend didn’t care what he did on social media. Even if he thought the girl he liked was attractive and sexy, he would never risk his current relationship.
Such a man evaluates his behavior based on his intentions, and does not think about how it may be perceived by others or how his partner may feel. If before this incident you have never discussed each other’s behavior on social networks and what may make you uncomfortable, do not count on him to start reading your thoughts.
Evidence of Guilt
The guilty guy, most likely, is engaged in “fishing for live bait.” His fault lies in the fact that he uses his “likes” by sending a message to a woman who interests him. With their help, he tries to compliment her and get her attention. Often such men are active, marking a large number of photos. They also tend to leave numerous comments. This behavior often escalates into active private messaging.
You may not have cause for concern. Maybe your boyfriend stared at a photo of some girl in a bikini for 30 seconds, maybe he even took a screenshot and sent it to a group chat to share a great photo with his friends. But it’s more likely that he scrolled through this picture among all the others and clicked “like” absently, just as he does with every photo in his feed.
He didn’t discuss her, he didn’t ask her out, he wasn’t one of those creepy commentators, and he certainly didn’t contact her. The verdict is your boyfriend is innocent. Jealousy is a disease that we all experience from time to time, but we should not forget who he really loves.
If this happened 10 years ago, when there were not so many users on Instagram, you could have your boyfriend interrogate who he follows and what he likes. At that time, the majority had difficulty getting 10 likes, and people were more selective in their assessments and preferences. Today, literally everyone is on social media. Some users simply scroll through their news feed and note everything that comes up without analyzing whether this photo of a former classmate on the beach deserves a “like” or not.
That’s what everyone does
It is hard to imagine that the girl herself does not look through the account of some fitness handsome guy on Instagram, or at least some celebrity. We are all ordinary people, and everyone likes to look at pretty, sexy people. You can appreciate someone’s photo, and even mentally wish for this person, but this is where fidelity manifests itself. If you trust your man, you have nothing to worry about.
If we consider a more realistic situation, then you probably have a number of guys among the subscriptions. Although most of them don’t take seductive selfies like the girls, you still probably like their photos from time to time. Have you noticed that your boyfriend is jealous of someone who constantly comments on your posts? But you yourself, most likely, think that everything is harmless. So if you think your partner’s behavior has become a problem in your relationship, first evaluate your social media behavior and whether you really are that different.
What to do if everything is bad?
In any case, you should discuss the issue of each other’s behavior on social networks. Such discussions are an important part of modern relations. If you are characterized by manifestations of pathological jealousy or you spend a lot of time following your partner on the Internet, you should visit a few consultations with a psychologist before starting this conversation. If you are in the majority and have a definite opinion about the acceptable boundaries of behavior, you should share your thoughts in order to avoid many problems in the future.
Sometimes those who automatically “like” are afraid that the offer to change their behavior on social networks will be an attempt to control or restrict freedom. You might get lucky and find it very easy to deal with, but for most couples, this is actually quite a major problem. Understand that you are unlikely to solve it in one conversation. You can’t change someone’s mind overnight. This takes time, and as your relationship develops, your boyfriend will likely become more aware of your way of thinking and why one finger movement can hurt you.
When you decide to have a serious conversation, Dr. Mann recommends starting with a short introduction: “Honey, we’ve been dating for five months, and I never asked you about what is acceptable for you and what is not on social networks. I want to hear your thoughts on this and share my own.” You may be surprised by what you learn about your partner. Seek to understand his thoughts and feelings. You will get a lot more out of this conversation and will be able to assess whether he is considered innocent or guilty if you listen carefully to what he says and control your reaction.
He communicates with other girls… What should I do? Relationship psychology? Does your boyfriend like photos of other girls? That’s why!