Do you know how one statistical study surprised sexologists? It turned out that more than 45% of women and about 40% of men during sex represent other people instead of their partners. Yes, yes, dear reader, most likely you are doing it, and if not, then your girlfriend dreams of others. However, you should not blame each other for this, because experts are sure that such fantasies are a common, normal and quite healthy phenomenon, which does not at all indicate a desire to change. And in this article we will try to figure out how it works.
The content of the article
Why do we need an imaginary partner?
Of course, the presence of such thoughts in a loved one can negatively affect your relationship, and even make you doubt the sincerity of his feelings. Why is this happening? Psychologists have a pretty convincing answer to this question, although not everyone will be able to accept it.
The fact is that despite all our beliefs to the contrary, often we ourselves do not know what we want. Moreover, the process of introspection, especially when it comes to sexual desires, is a complex, lengthy and not always effective process. We are more likely to get bogged down in endless introspection than to clearly identify our desires and their reasons. Add to this the halo of shame, taboo and shyness that is associated with the topic of sex in our culture and you get a sad result: it is much easier to fantasize in your head than to share your thoughts with a partner and then make excuses for them.
There is no need to justify yourself to an imaginary partner. He will not judge, there is no shame in front of him, and you do not need to engage in self-digging with him. However, this is far from the only reason why we fantasize about others. What else are there?
Lack of novelty
In a long relationship, partners get used to each other. The positive result of this habit is mutual understanding and trust, the negative result is the lack of novelty, which they begin to look for in fantasies. To experience new, unique sensations by imagining someone else in the place of a partner is a simple and natural method. And often these imaginary partners are people with whom we are not familiar at all, such as movie stars, photo models, famous athletes. Or even fictional characters from movies, cartoons or comics!
Such fantasies have a beneficial effect on relationships, allow you to bring novelty into them and leave your sex an erotic adventure, and not a regular performance of marital duty. When both routine and monotony have a detrimental effect on relationships.
So there is no cause for concern in such fantasies?
Not really. If your every sexual act is accompanied by fantasies about others, this is a reason to think. It is one thing when these fantasies occur only occasionally, and quite another when they become obsessive and you constantly imagine someone else instead of your partner. This situation is no longer normal.
What went wrong? Perhaps these painful relationships have not pleased you for a long time, and your imagination is trying to protect you from not the most pleasant intimacy? Maybe the point is a hidden resentment towards a partner, because of which you do not want to see him? Or has sex become so boring and monotonous that the world of sexual fantasies seems more and more attractive compared to reality? Understanding yourself will not be so easy, and if you can’t find the answer to this question, try contacting a specialist. A professional psychologist knows how to help a person look inside himself and find answers.
Away with boredom, give variety!
If constant fantasies about imaginary partners have become a problem for you, you can solve it yourself. There are many ways to add variety to your relationship, and we have many articles on this site on this topic. Only you know the method that suits you, and we will only try to suggest some.
If another person is increasingly appearing in the place of your partner, why not try role-playing games? Try on the outer image of a person that you are not. It can be playing a nurse and a patient, or a security guard and a prisoner, or even dressing up in superhero costumes and fighting crime together. No, the latter is better to deal with in your imagination, but real criminals should still be left to the police. Find the talent of reincarnation in yourself, try not only the appearance, but also the inner world of another hero, become him for a while. Many couples find these kinds of sexual practices exciting and refreshing for the relationship.
If you don’t want to change yourself, change the environment. If all your sex relationships are reduced to a listless exchange of caresses on the same couch, try to make love somewhere else. Even in an apartment, this can be done in the kitchen or just on the floor, but no one bothers you to go to nature or rent a romantic room for two in a good hotel.
Don’t be afraid to experiment and your morbid fantasies will soon subside, replaced by a healthy sexual interest in new and uncharted areas that you explore together!
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