He takes me for granted: 9 reasons why (and what to do about it)
He takes me for granted. This is undoubtedly one of the most well-known sentences that one hears over and over again these days.
But does he really take you for granted? Such a grave allegation should not be made without solid evidence.
Unfortunately, in modern relationships, it is increasingly common to be seen as some kind of plan B.
Whether we admit it or not, the “Maybe Something Better” syndrome has earned the title of the greatest relationship killer in today’s world.
This could be one of the reasons your partner takes you for granted even though you were once so happy together.
To really confirm your suspicions and to be able to judge whether they consider you an option rather than a priority, you have to be completely objective and not allow your personal feelings to cloud your judgment.
In order to recognize whether he takes you for granted, you also have to understand what exactly it means when someone takes you for granted, why it is and what you can do about it. You can find out all of that (and a lot more) below.
What does it mean when he takes you for granted?
Basically, if he takes you for granted, it means that he doesn’t value you enough. It indicates a lack of gratitude and that he is taking advantage of you or even looking down on you.
If he doesn’t return your efforts, doesn’t show appreciation for the things you do for him, and doesn’t make enough effort to be there for you when you need him, then it’s clear that he doesn’t value you enough.
If you feel like you’re the only one doing everything in their power to make the relationship work, then he’s obviously taking you for granted.
Oftentimes, both the small and the big things that you do for him go completely unnoticed, and it seems to you that you are only living in the shadow of his selfishness.
Why do men take you for granted?
Men take you for granted especially when they know exactly what to expect from you. They get used to being treated like kings without having to offer anything in return.
Here are the most common reasons men take you for granted:
1. You just can’t say “no”
Would you rather take on more work and responsibilities than saying “no” to your partner or other people in general?
Then it is clear that you simply cannot say “no” and that you are obviously doing everything in your power to please others at your own expense.
2. You always want to please everyone
You just don’t have the heart to be mean to others, no matter how mean they are to you, because you always want to please everyone.
Men will immediately recognize that you are too nice and too nice, and then, over time, notice that they can use your good heart against you and take you for granted.
3. You are predictable
Predictable people are easily manipulated by others. When you’re predictable, it means that others will always know exactly what to expect from you.
Therefore, they can easily manipulate you and make you do whatever they want. Such manipulations are so subtle that you probably won’t notice anything.
4. You don’t dare to confront others
If you have problems with your partner or someone else, don’t dare to confront them. You’re unhappy because you never tell people how you feel about them and they take you for granted.
That’s because they just assume everything is fine and you have no problem with their behavior. But, is this really the truth?
5. You are not being honest with yourself
Instead of admitting to yourself that he takes you for granted, you justify his behavior.
Instead of wondering why he takes you for granted in the first place, you turn a blind eye every time, thinking that you are exaggerating and imagining it all.
Justifying one’s shitty misconduct has become part of your everyday life.
6. You are addicted to recognition
You allow yourself to be emotionally controlled and manipulated by others because you want to get their approval at all costs. You practically always ask their permission before you do something, and you lose yourself in the process.
If they then take you for granted, you usually don’t even notice because your self-esteem is already in the basement.
7. You are satisfied with the minimum
You are used to being disappointed by others again and again, so that you are now satisfied with the minimum.
You give everything and hardly get anything in return, but you don’t blame others for it. And why?
Because you are content with the minimum and not at all ask that others treat you as you treat them.
8. You are scared
You are afraid of bossy, argumentative, or overly energetic people. That’s why you don’t dare to contradict them.
You’d rather do what they say and put up with everything than defend yourself against them. People notice this right away, and that’s why they take you for granted.
9. You give more than you get back
Somehow you are always giving too much without even realizing it.
The term reciprocity is a foreign word in your relationships because you are just used to giving more than you get back.
Even if you withdrew, people would be angry and accuse you of having changed completely (negatively).
He takes me for granted: 7 clear signs that he takes you for granted
“Does he take me for granted?” – when I first asked myself this question, I thought I’d have to look forever for signs of it.
To my astonishment, however, these signs were right in front of my eyes the entire time, and I had just deliberately ignored them.
As the saying goes: the stupid learns from their own mistakes, the clever from the mistakes of others. So here are some signs that will open your eyes and reveal your true colors:
1. He no longer respects you
In a relationship, respect is just as indispensable as love.
Your partner also needs to show you appreciation and gratitude for the little things you do for them. You just have to feel that he appreciates you and your efforts.
If he doesn’t do that anymore, that’s not a good sign. So begins the nightmare of taking for granted that you don’t want to experience.
If he’s making plans behind your back and doing things you don’t know about, it’s a clear warning that something is wrong.
If he’s making plans all by himself instead of talking to you first, it means he doesn’t care at all whether you can join in with those plans or not.
You are more than just an option. Ask who you want if it is worth tolerating this behavior. Any relationship professional will give you the same answer: They take you for granted and that needs to be changed.
2. He doesn’t care what you think
This can be extremely negative for your self-esteem. His indifference makes you feel insignificant and inferior.
Nobody should feel this way, especially in a relationship where your partner should love you and make you feel special.
You only feel ashamed and degraded by him. When your partner is faced with a difficult decision in their life, it is normal and only logical that they should seek advice from you.
However, your partner hardly lets you participate in the important moments and decisions in their life.
That’s because you don’t mean as much to him as you used to.
A healthy relationship is based on unconditional love and above all on mutual trust. Your mutual trust has been lost, maybe your love too.
3. He doesn’t bother anymore
He no longer takes you out on nice dates. He no longer tries to do anything romantic. I don’t want to scare you, but in a love relationship, these are all clear warning signs.
Your relationship has gotten into a rut, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
He’s not even bothering to look good to you anymore. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that he should look like a model all the time when he’s with you.
Of course, he should be relaxed and calm around you, but there is a clear difference between calm and disinterest.
I mean, if he’s only wearing boxer shorts around you and you’re home all the time, that’s not really normal, is it?
Could it be that he just isn’t trying hard enough? You have to judge that for yourself.
Think about whether your relationship is in a crisis and something needs to change as soon as possible, or whether he is just not so keen on you anymore and therefore takes you for granted.
4. He doesn’t listen to you
He does his own thing while you talk. He doesn’t listen to you when you tell him something, and the reason for that is more than simple. He doesn’t care what you say or what you think – he just doesn’t care.
Communication is in the basement, which is another red flag of an unhealthy relationship.
Everyone needs communication and exchange with others. So if the two of you are suddenly completely silent, there is a serious problem in your relationship.
5. His friends are more important to him than you
I’m not saying that he should be with you all the time and just hang out with you, but if he prefers hanging out with his friends rather than you, he takes you for granted.
Just don’t make an elephant out of a mosquito. If he turns you down to go out with his friends, it doesn’t automatically mean that you mean nothing to him. He must also have a life outside of the relationship.
If this happens regularly, however, there is good reason to be concerned. The first thing that comes to mind is that they are slowly losing interest in you.
6. He avoids all intimacy
When was the last time you had sex? Do you even remember Lack of physical intimacy is an alarming sign that the relationship is at risk?
A relationship cannot be lacking in passion under any circumstances. If you are not physically attracted to each other, the relationship is doomed.
The same goes for emotional intimacy. You should be able to speak openly and honestly about your feelings with your partner.
Vulnerability is not something to be ashamed of, especially when you are with a loved one. He should support you emotionally and make sure that you feel safe and secure around him.
7. He didn’t introduce you to his family
My family is my one and only, and you will certainly feel the same with your family. He is no exception either.
If he is serious about you, wouldn’t it be perfectly normal for him to introduce you to his family? I would, and so would you. So why doesn’t he do anything?
The answer is not exactly encouraging. Either he isn’t interested in a serious relationship with you or he just takes you for granted.
Both are serious problems that are not that easy to solve.
However, you can still try to speak honestly and openly with your boyfriend to find out what is bothering him about your relationship.
What to do when a man takes you for granted
If a man takes you for granted, it is best to give him a sample of his own medicine to teach him an important lesson.
You have the choice between several options. If he takes you for granted, you can ignore him and focus fully on yourself and your life.
You can also cut off all contact with him. At least then you could say you won and left him and not he left you.
However, there are other options you may use to pique his interest and win him back …
1. You can have fun alone
He takes me for granted. Yes and? You can have fun on your own and concentrate on your own life, right?
Why should you even ask him what he’s up to that evening when you know he already has some lazy excuse for not going out with you?
Better to do something alone or find new hobbies. Do something you enjoy even though you know he wouldn’t enjoy it.
There are so many things that you haven’t done since the beginning of your relationship. Now is the time to catch up on all of that.
Oh, and don’t forget to snap some pictures and post them somewhere he can see them. He should ask himself why you didn’t at least invite him.
2. Don’t write back to him right away
Women just have the urge to reply to every message immediately. I mean, that’s just the way it is and that is how you should do it when you have your cell phone in your hand.
But now that he takes you for granted and has no idea how bad it is for you to wait all day for his answer, you have to resist that urge.
Get your self-respect back. Let him feel your pain. Don’t write back to him. It’s best not to write back to him at all.
3. Dress-up
Make yourself twice as chic as usual! Get dressed so hot that he drools every time you walk past him.
Show him what he’s lost. A little red lipstick and mascara will automatically make you feel more attractive.
Since men are known to be visually minded, he’ll crawl back into the crawl as soon as he sees how hot you look. But under no circumstances let him get to you.
Body contact only comes into question again when he really appreciates your presence in his life.
I know this sounds like manipulation, but if he doesn’t realize what he’s lost, he won’t realize what’s going on and he won’t be able to properly interpret your signals.
4. Go out with your friends
Does your friend take you for granted? Swam over it!
Go to parties, have fun with your best friends, work colleagues, etc. Show him that you can have a good life without him.
Organize a girls weekend for your birthday and under no circumstances let him celebrate with you.
Make it clear to him that he is not invited. After all, he didn’t deserve to be there, did he?
5. Cancel your plans with him
Believe me, I know exactly how hard it is. You want to spend more time with him because you love him, but this is the only way to make him understand that something is wrong.
You have to make it clear to him that he is going to lose you!
If he calls you and asks if you want to date him, politely tell him you don’t feel like it.
If you already have a date, cancel the date and tell him you have something important to do for work. It will definitely pay off.
6. Don’t tell him about your private life
He takes me for granted. Maybe I have to try harder and be more open to him.
A few years ago I was thinking exactly the same thing. Don’t make the same mistake as me. Don’t tell him about your personal life right now.
If at some point in the conversation he asks you why you haven’t told him about something earlier, give him a passive-aggressive answer like, “You seemed too busy to be interested.”
Such sentences hit the nail on the head, although they might sound a little rough.
Show him that you no longer put up with his behavior and that he has taken you for granted for far too long.
7. Tell him how you feel
When you’ve had enough of his games, you can just try to talk to him openly about anything.
You may have tried this before, but now it is really high time to bring up the problem.
Tell him how bad you’ve been feeling lately and that you are not happy in your relationship because he doesn’t appreciate you or all of the things you do for him.
As I said before – communication is the foundation of any happy relationship.
Tell him that in your relationship he is always taking without giving anything back and just see what happens. Tell him that relationships are mutual and therefore cannot work if one partner tries harder than the other.
Think carefully about whether he even deserves a second chance.
If he agrees to change his behavior, you can give him another chance – but be careful how many chances you give him and whether the effort is worth it.
What can I do to stop him taking me for granted?
Only when you stop doing all the things that he takes for granted and set clear boundaries, as is proper for a confident woman, will he stop taking you for granted.
Show him that you will not tolerate anyone who does not appreciate your efforts. Show him that you can do just fine without him.
Here’s how to make sure he never takes you for granted again:
1. Stop doing the things he takes for granted
He takes me for granted. Well then just stop doing the things he takes for granted.
Any relationship coach would advise you the same: stop moving mountains to make them happy. No more niceties.
The more you try to make him happy, the more he’ll take your efforts for granted. Only when you stop giving him the things he used to get from you will he stop taking advantage of you so shamelessly.
Show him that it always takes two to dance. You cannot and do not want to fight for the two of you alone. He finally has to decide: either reciprocity or nothing at all!
2. Confront him
Pay close attention to everything he does and just don’t get the idea of glossing over his behavior in any way during your analysis.
Analyze everything from the smallest details to the very important things, because they are all equally important.
You must have realized by now that you have overlooked so many clear signs that could indicate that he no longer really appreciates you.
However, you must not allow yourself to be discouraged or demotivated by it.
It’s not your fault that you didn’t notice what was right in front of your nose. It’s not your fault that your partner isn’t treating you right.
3. Set clear boundaries
It is time to set clear boundaries for yourself. Determine for yourself what you will continue to do because you enjoy doing it and what you will no longer do because he obviously takes it for granted.
As soon as he realizes that you are no longer moving mountains to make him happy, he will start worrying about his behavior. (at least that’s what I hope)
If you want to protect yourself from his manipulative behavior, you absolutely need to set boundaries.
This will also allow you to see what you are really doing for yourself and what you have been doing for him all along, even though he did not appreciate it at all.
4. Focus on yourself
One of the best relationship tips of all time is if all else fails, just focus on yourself.
If you’ve already done everything in your power and you can see that he still doesn’t see his mistake, the best thing to do is to just forget about it completely.
Do what makes YOU happy right now. Don’t worry about what he will think of you no longer wanting to put up with his selfish behavior.
If you don’t show him what he’s lost (or rather, what he’s “temporarily” lost), he will never appreciate what he had.
However, if it turns out that your relationship has no future and the problems can no longer be solved, you can safely replace the word “temporarily” with “permanently”.
5. Show him that you can do just fine without him
I’ve heard many women say: He took me for granted, so I left him. He didn’t appreciate my efforts, so I dropped it altogether.
Here’s an example of what to say: He took me for granted, so I showed him that I can do just fine without him.
Enjoy your life to the fullest and don’t waste a single thought on him. Show him that you would leave him without hesitation if you had to, and that you would be fine without him.
This will make him aware that you are an independent woman who can take care of yourself. You don’t need his wrongdoing in your life because you deserve better.
So far you have put up with his behavior because you wanted to and not because you had to. Now that you can see he’s still playing the same games, it’s time to checkmate him.
Either he will open his eyes and see what he could lose, or he will continue to take you for granted. The only difference is that this time he knows you won’t tolerate the latter.
Don’t take me for granted – quotes
If you want him and others to stop taking you for granted, then you have to make it clear to them to stop.
To do that, you can simply post quotes on this topic or send them directly to them. These wise words have the power to give each of us a new perspective, and we are no exception.
1. “Recognize my worth or feel my absence. Don’t take me for granted. ” – Unknown
2. “By giving you my time, I am giving you a part of my life that I can never get back. So please don’t make me regret it. ” – Unknown
3. “Never take a woman for granted, because one day another man might come who values everything that you never knew how to appreciate.” – Unknown
4. “Don’t take me for granted because, unlike the others, I’m not afraid to move on.” – Unknown
5. “Women are often neglected, taken for granted. They can easily be ignored by a man. ” – Stan Lee
6. “Just because I’m always there for you doesn’t mean you can take me for granted.” – Unknown
7. “You have to stop doing other people one favor after another when you realize they are counting on it and don’t appreciate it.” – Unknown
8. “If someone doesn’t appreciate your presence, maybe you should give them a taste of your absence.” – Tinku Razoria
9. “Even the most caring people get tired of being taken for granted.” – Nishan Panwar
10. “Anyone who does not respect, value, and appreciate you does not deserve you.” – Robert Tew
11. “It’s really sad when you realize that you don’t mean as much to someone as you do to yourself!” – Nikhil Andy
12. “Friendliness is not a matter of course, because even the nicest people reach their limits at some point.” – Unknown
13. “Never take other people’s feelings for granted, because you never know how much courage it took them to show them to you.” – Unknown
14. “You shouldn’t be sorry that you are no longer important to me. I want you to be sorry that you were once the most important person in my life. ” – Unknown
15. “The more you take someone for granted, the faster they learn to live without you.” – Unknown
16. “Those who take you for granted won’t miss you until you stop doing them one favor after another.” – Unknown
17. “She used to love his kisses, but not anymore. She had long since lost him and this man was now a stranger – a stranger she took for granted. ” – Caroline Anderson
18. “If you take important things for granted, sooner or later you will lose them.” – Unknown
19. “I do not judge anyone and I am always ready to help anyone. But please don’t take my help for granted. ” – Unknown
20. “Please don’t take me for granted because if you lose me I won’t come back.” – Unknown
21. “If you are always there for people, at some point they will no longer appreciate you because they firmly expect that you will grant them one wish after the other.” – Unknown
22. “Don’t waste time on people who only have time for you when it suits them. ”- Rajat Dogra
23. “He who doesn’t feel valued doesn’t feel loved either.” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
24. “While I was fighting for you, I realized that the whole time I was really fighting to be lied to; I struggled to be taken for granted; to be disappointed; getting hurt again … so I started struggling to let go of you. ” – Unknown
25. “If you take someone for granted, you don’t deserve them. At least be sensible enough to let him move on to someone else who really appreciates him. ” – Unknown
Conclusion
He takes me for granted. Will he ever stop?
If you use both actions and words to help him understand that you will no longer be taken for granted by him, you can expect one of the following outcomes:
a) Either he will continue with it (because he doesn’t care about you)
b) Or he will finally open his eyes and realize that he definitely doesn’t want to lose you (because you mean a lot to him)
One thing is certain: if he loves you, he will fight for you and make the relationship work. Everything else is just an excuse.
