How I cheated on my boyfriend and didn’t regret it? The rest of the story will be written in the first person. The author wished to remain anonymous.
“You are unfaithful! You ruined our marriage! You killed all the light between us! I believed you, did you? You you you…”. Everyone can only condemn, criticize, give advice, guided by stereotypes, operate with hackneyed phrases about eternal love. And why did she do so? And what is really in the soul of this “infidel” girl? This is what I want to share with you.
How I cheated on my boyfriend and didn’t regret it?
We were together for 10 years
With a young man, we have been together for 10 years to this day. We know each other from school. He is my first true love. The last 5 years have not been as smooth as I would like. At one point, he began to allow himself to insult me, to humiliate me, to raise his hand against me. He stopped talking to me on serious topics, often began to withdraw into himself, play a lot, laugh it off when I start talking about children and engagement.
I switched to plan 2 and that’s putting it mildly. I no longer feel loved and desired. There were complaints about everything: not dressed like that, you don’t look like that, you’re fat, you don’t cook deliciously, you think stupidly, you can’t do anything yourself, boring, and so on. Why don’t you have a serious talk with him? Logical question. Banal answer. He doesn’t hear me. Simply ignores or responds with aggression. He tells me to leave if something does not suit me. How can I leave if I love?
I decided to endure to the end, to become ideal for him, adapt to him and fulfill his every whim. My self-esteem has dropped to zero, although I am a rather attractive, sociable girl and often catch the glances of passer-by guys. But everything has changed. Every day, the person most dear to me rotted me more and more, and I myself began to see flaws in myself, pay attention to shortcomings and even look for them. I was broken, but endured because I loved. But, thank God, I didn’t have to endure and look for flaws in myself for long …
I met another
Under unusual circumstances, I met a man. As they say, be at the right time in the right place. On that day, I can say my whole life changed. Let me tell you a little about him and how we met. I work at a car dealership as a consultant, and he just went there, looked at a couple of cars. I gave him professional advice and we chatted for a bit. He seemed very polite to me. Of course! Compared to my boyfriend, any passer-by will seem like a knight on a white horse. He asked me to find him on VK and add him as a friend.
From the first minute of communication, I felt his crazy masculine energy, charisma, the incredible aroma of perfume. This is the first guy, besides my boyfriend, who drove me so crazy. We started talking all day, about everything. I felt that I was very drawn to him, I think about him, I want him. But at the same time, I understood that I was not a free girl and tried to restrain myself, in the hope that these fleeting feelings would pass. I was of the opinion that no matter what your man is and no matter how he treats you, you must be faithful to him to the last. These were the thoughts I ran through my head every time that charming guy from the car dealership wrote to me. She put off the date of our meeting as best she could …
A kiss is not cheating, or…
One day my man made an unforgivable insult to me, he said that he regretted the day when he offered me to become his wife. Apparently, on a subconscious level, I wanted to take revenge on him then, somehow distract from these humiliations. And I decided to see the very guy I thought about every minute then.
I don’t even know how to accurately describe my state at that time. In no case did I want to abandon the proven reliable old for the sake of the unknown, but such a tempting and intriguing new, if I may say so. The meeting was on edge. We were sitting in a restaurant and could not take our eyes off each other. There was a great longing between us. He was so sexy, he smelled delicious, in a word, he behaved very competently with a girl. He did everything to make me crazy about him. He knew when to hug me and when to step back. I really wanted to kiss him, time went by so fast, it just flew by. I held on with all my might, wanted to go home as soon as possible and hoped that this day would never end. We didn’t kiss.
As soon as I got home, I was so relieved that there was no kiss that I held back. I’m fine fellow! But despite this, I was so ashamed, so ashamed, I did not know what to do with myself. It seemed to me that after this evening, nothing would be the same as before. I was afraid of betrayal, betrayal on my part, I was afraid to hurt my man. But she couldn’t help herself. I was drawn like a magnet to these new emotions and, as it seemed to me at that time, feelings.
I didn’t like sex with him
Further, relations with her husband worsened every day and improved with a new acquaintance. We began to see each other every day, and our communication became warmer and more frank. We kissed. I stopped feeling any remorse, I felt like a desirable, beautiful, interesting girl. It was like I got revenge on my boyfriend for such a swine attitude towards me. I have changed and changed. Nothing to regret. But still, I did not want to allow intimacy. For me it was overkill. I still somehow justified the kiss in my head, but sex is the final and irrevocable betrayal.
For four months I “marinated” this handsome man. Then the tower collapsed, the fortress fell. In short, I gave up and everything happened. We spent the whole evening together and everything came up to sex. We arrived at the hotel already in the morning, but there was no strength and mood. I really wanted to sleep, but we decided to try anyway. When such an opportunity still presents itself, I refused him for 4 months. It is happened.
I was disappointed. I did not like. It was not comfortable, not pleasant. He was not the same as in our previous meetings. All passion is gone. I didn’t get any pleasure. Happy ending didn’t happen. I felt out of place. No matter how ironic it may sound. We broke up and didn’t talk for a month. Apparently we both didn’t like it. In fact, we still communicate, periodically call each other, joke, support each other.
After our night, my crazy conscience returned to me, I became disgusted with myself. I felt inner emptiness. As if the whole image that this guy created around himself was an illusion. He no longer aroused my wild desire. I didn’t understand how I fell for him at all, what attracted me to him. He instantly became for me an ordinary, boring and primitive guy. We became friends, so to speak…
Nothing to regret!
During the time I rushed between the two guys, I learned a lot. I realized that sex without love does not give such pleasure. I realized that I am a very beautiful girl, fell in love with myself. I stopped allowing myself to be humiliated. I realized that the whole world is not reduced to one person. My man and I are still together, I didn’t tell him anything, of course. To be honest, I have already forgotten about that period in my life, as if it was not with me. It’s probably a defensive reaction. My conscience does not bother me. I am grateful that one day my life changed and from a naive stupid fool who tolerates everything in her address, I turned into a self-confident lady who knows her own worth.
I am not advocating cheating as a way to solve relationship problems. I just shared a part of my life, in which betrayal on my part provoked qualitative changes in my personal life and my state of mind.
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