Many of us have been in a situation where a relationship has stalled or perhaps even ended.
Regardless of whether it comes from you or your partner, it is always difficult and painful for both parties.
If you’re not happy, go!
This is a well-known quote, but is it really always the right way to go? Because this is a difficult decision, today we are concerned with the question of how long you should fight for a relationship before giving up.
How long should you fight for a relationship?
|What’s the problem
in the relationship?
should I fight?
|1. I am
no longer sure of my feelings!
|2. I don’t know
what I want myself!
|3. I just need time
|4. There is someone else!
|5. We don’t fit
|6. Everything is getting too much for me!
|7. I feel like
our relationship has changed
|up to 1 year
A relationship is something of value that shouldn’t just be given up. At the same time, however, it is also a continuous process that requires a lot of work on both sides.
When your relationship has reached a low point where you both feel that you have to put in a lot of work, you shouldn’t go further than your pain threshold.
It is of course individual, but there are still a few scenarios that you can use as a guide so that you do not lose yourself. Let’s look at these now.
If you’ve heard these sentences lately, or perhaps said them yourself, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship.
- “I am no longer sure of my feelings!”
- “I don’t know what I want myself!”
- “I just need time for myself!”
- “There is someone else!”
- “We don’t fit together anymore!”
- “It’s all getting too much for me!”
- “I have the feeling our relationship has changed!
1. I am no longer sure of my feelings!
A relationship doesn’t really make sense without feelings, because feelings are what a relationship is first built on.
In a long-term relationship, however, it can happen that the feelings fall asleep, which does not mean that they are gone. If a partner is no longer sure of their feelings, take a few weeks to talk about them intensely and try to get clear about their feelings.
Should you get to the point where either of you no longer has enough feelings for a relationship, it is best to end it.
2. I don’t know what I want myself!
Especially when you are facing personal changes such as a career change or when the end of your student days is approaching, it often happens that the partner is not sure which direction life should go.
Although this usually has nothing to do with the relationship at the beginning, it inevitably carries over to it. Suddenly everything is called into question.
The best thing in such a situation is when you try to support your partner in finding out what he expects from life and thus from the relationship.
Give him or her time to find out exactly that. This process can take a few months. After that, however, both should be happy in the relationship again, otherwise, a separation is better.
3. I just need time for myself!
This is probably a classic introductory sentence when a relationship is to be ended and is often seen as a cowardly excuse. But that often does the partner an injustice.
In long-term relationships, especially when you live together, have the same circle of friends, and the same leisure activities, a partner can quickly get the feeling that you only exist as a couple. The desire for more freedom isn’t that far-fetched, is it?
If your partner expresses this wish, you should discuss together how you can do it justice. Tries to do things separately or to look for hobbies of your own. This free space can create closeness.
However, if after a few months your partner becomes more and more distant from you, this relationship may no longer be as important to him as it is to you. Then it says: Better an end with horror than a horror without end.
4. There is someone else!
Anyone who has heard this phrase from their partner knows that it feels like a punch in the pit of the stomach with your fist.
If your partner has already become intimate with the other person or has already developed deep feelings or even a relationship, I advise you to end it immediately.
Even if you win the fight, you can never be sure if it won’t happen again.
5. We don’t fit together anymore!
Another sentence that sounds trite and like an excuse. However, it is more common in long-term relationships that one develops in different directions.
Researchers even claim to have found that body and mind change every 7 years. Different goals and ideas can put a strain on a relationship.
If you have the feeling that you no longer fit together, talk about your ideas, wishes, and also the general attitude towards life and you will notice whether this can be combined. If not, it is better to go separate ways after a few weeks.
6. Everything is getting too much for me!
Sometimes it can feel like life has overwhelmed you. If you also have the feeling that you are not doing justice to the relationship, the only way out is the separation.
Before you take this step, however, sit down, talk about it and try to slow down and simplify the relationship and get back to basics.
This process can take up to six months, but then you will know whether you are still feeling good or whether a breakup is better.
7. I feel like our relationship has changed!
A relationship changes over time just as you change as a person.
The first fall in love that you feel in the first few months gradually fades and over time the relationship will inevitably change.
That can happen, for example, when you start a family or when the children are out of the house or when the professional situation changes and, and, and.
Change doesn’t have to be bad. In such a case, it is advisable to take a very close look and perhaps even seek professional help to strengthen communication. You should give yourself up to a year to find out how to proceed.
3 signs it’s better to break up!
If you are not sure whether it is better to break up because it no longer feels right but the framework conditions have not really changed, there are 3 red flags that can indicate that a breakup is a right step.
1. You have a guilty conscience!
A guilty conscience is not a good advisor and compassion is not the basis for a relationship. If you stay with your partner just out of pity and not wanting to hurt him, that’s nice of you, but not fair to yourself or him.
2. You cannot and do not want to talk to each other anymore!
In my 7 examples above, you can see that communication is incredibly important in a relationship.
When you can no longer talk about serious issues, or you want to have deep conversations with friends and family rather than each other, it’s time for a breakup.
3. You don’t feel like each other anymore!
The physical part of a relationship shouldn’t be underestimated. If there are problems there, you have to distinguish.
You don’t really feel like having sex, but still, enjoy being close to each other? You can work on that.
Does the thought of any physical closeness put you off? This is often a sign that the relationship is over.
How long is it okay to be in a relationship?
This question is very difficult to answer. Some can endure an unhappy relationship for over 25 years, others even a lifetime. That shouldn’t be the norm.
No one should have a relationship for more than a year. If nothing has changed then you have to realize that it is wasted time and should be stopped.
Is it worth fighting after a breakup?
Even if a relationship has already ended, you cannot always accept the end immediately. Perhaps the breakup during a quarrel arose out of a short-circuit reaction or is based only on trivialities that are relatively easy to get rid of.
If that is the case, you should seek the conversation again. If you are still convinced that you want to try it – go for it!
Relationships and love are one of the most beautiful things in the world, but they can also be one of the most painful things. They take up a large part of our lives and affect almost every age group.
There are many scenarios that are worth investing time and energy in and I am sure that many fights will have a happy ending.
Nevertheless, one should not get too entangled and know when it is better for both of them to draw a line.
Always stay true to yourself and don’t bend too much. Because that could lead to you being unhappy despite a functioning relationship.
What kind of experiences did you have? Have you ever had to fight for a relationship? If so, how long did it take?