How should a woman behave with a man so as not to lose herself? What is a classy thing, what is it and what is it? So who doesn’t want them? And where on the dilemma, what then to do, how to behave correctly.
Do you know the main question of a psychologist for all occasions? “And how would you like”? This is to the fact that the question is how it should be, implies some kind of insincerity in relation to a man and falsehood in relation to it.
For example, the Fashionable Now Theme of wisdom – You have to be an affectionate Kitty, stroke a man’s fur and all that Mur-Mur-Meow-Meow. Super of course! Is it not possible to buy it? If you are a naturally swift cheetah or a cheerful monkey (so what) or a sleepy koala? Well, you make yourself what you need – a day, two, a month, a year … You won’t get tired? You can’t stand on tiptoe all your life. And if we also assume that men are also different … A completely dark forest.
The Need for a Relationship
I watched the movie: “Eat! Molis! Love!”? It’s so cool there at the beginning, when the heroine of Julia Roberts gets to the enlightened Guru and laughs herself that she wants to ask him not about the meaning of life, higher values, the search for God, but about her relationship. There’s something about it that sometimes women are morbidly centered on finding that very prince. But why? What will a man give you? And what is so lacking without it?
- Euphoria, butterflies in the stomach is great, but this is a temporary stage. Let’s go deeper
- Feel loved
- To know that you are wonderful, unique, exceptional
- The ability to give warmth and love to another – to give in these relationships
- If everyone is in a relationship, but you are not, then something is wrong with you, somehow you are not like that.
With such a bouquet, it is easy to fall into a co-dependent relationship, this is when it is a light in my window, and without it I am an empty place. Codependency is characterized by such a fixation on another person, and not on oneself.
What is a codependent relationship?
These are relationships in which there is such a strong emotional involvement in the other that your personal development is threatened. A distinctive feature of such a relationship is the need to deserve love (and this is reflected in the title of the article, and it attracted you – “How to behave, what I need to be so that he loves me and does not leave me”).
When you do not feel your own self-worth, that you are good and wonderful in itself, then here is the question: What should you be. Or maybe you are already in a relationship, but you constantly stumble upon the coldness of your partner, that he always points out to you your imperfections, shortcomings, moves away or criticizes. And you start to unwind, what are you doing wrong, what are you guilty of and how to fix yourself.
Signs of a codependent relationship
- Discomfort. Relationships are bad, but without them it’s even worse
- Lack of open dialogue – the inability to resolve conflicts through negotiations
- The need to deserve love
- Focusing on a partner – you care about him much more than you do yourself
- Control – in a relationship there is a lot of control in both directions – who, what, where, with whom, what is busy …
- Violation of personal boundaries – the boundaries of each seem to be erased and one common “we” is formed
- Anxiety – there seems to be no special reasons, but the soul is always not calm
- Frequent quarrels
- The problem of responsibility – either no one in a couple takes it, or responsibility is taken for the life of another, but not for one’s own
How should a woman behave with a man?
- Confidence that the problem is different – and if he only changes and everything will be fine
The secret of a good relationship
In a good relationship, it should be good – and this is the main criterion. They should be easy, free and happy. They must be open and honest. And if you filter every word, constantly analyze your every action (from the position of how a woman should behave), this can and will strengthen relationships, but in the end it will destroy you.
Yes, over time, relationships – resentment, discontent, irritation – will accumulate and accumulate and accumulate. And one day they will pour out of you (and then – the poor man, he had no idea about anything). Well, or you can suppress in yourself, displace, philosophize … And at the same time be sad, get sick, get depressed, take pills or just drink, eat or get sick. For what? In a good, real, sincere relationship:
- Problems are discussed and solutions are sought
- Partners are free – they can have their own feelings, thoughts, desires, personal space
- Differences and difference are valued in a couple
- Everyone can satisfy their own needs, without prejudice to the other
- Mistakes are forgivable
- There is flexibility in rules and laws. There is an opportunity to discuss
Why are we afraid to be alone?
It turns out that the topic of this article is closely related to the issue of self-esteem. That is, if you are wondering how it should be, and how it is right, then you probably have insecurities and somewhere deep-seated conviction of your own badness. That no one will love and tolerate me like that. What is this if not low self-esteem? And then the speech in that article should be about manipulations and pickup techniques. Something from the series
- If you are invited for a weekend later than Wednesday, then you are already busy and you already have plans. To keep a man relaxed
- On the day a woman must arrange 2 whims and put forward one ultimatum
- Do not pick up the phone until 3 beeps
- Don’t write first
- Have an EMO swing – get close, then suddenly disappear for a few days
You can build relationships on manipulations, drag a man into them, keep him in them. A question of price.
Enduring loneliness can be difficult, as a rule, childhood trauma is behind this. When the Child did not receive a portion of unconditional love, acceptance, security, or then growing up – did not pass the stage of separation from the mother. It all stretches and stretches into adulthood.
Good news! You have grown! You are no longer 3, 5, 10 years old. Your life and happiness do not depend on the presence or absence of someone around. Making all the bets on him, you inevitably lose yourself. Let yourself be real! Say what you think; ask if you don’t understand; laugh; defend your point of view, etc. Of course, not everyone will like you! No you are not 100 dollars. And then the answer to the question, how to behave with a man, but like with any other person
- Talk about yourself – not in the format of endless self-praise. And about what interests you, likes, captivates. About your feelings, doubts, plans, aspirations
- Ask about him – be sincerely interested in him, his plans, goals, desires, aspirations. Same as this coordinate system
- Ask for help – in a relationship it is very important to take steps to meet each other. This is a risk on your part, to discover your weakness, your need for something. No this is what you want and you do, it is up to you to see it
It may not be the fastest way. No in long-term perspective, on the same day as it is.