She fell in love with a man, got married, is happy, and then it turned out that he devotes almost all his free time to the child from his first wife and does not want to give it up. What to do and how to accept the child of the husband from the first marriage?
How to adopt someone else’s child?
All other people’s children are cute, smart, but often only until they have to be accepted into their family by a family and a zokhnit. At this moment, the charming creature turns into a fiend.
It’s worth mentioning right away – there are few women in the world who can treat their husband’s children sincerely and without irritation. There are also few children who will immediately love you, trust you and will love you like a mother.
The process is mutual and very complex. However, it is private to the person:
- A child is a person with whom you will always have to share the love of your husband. If the choice is between you and the child, it is likely that he will choose his own blood. Therefore, and you should not provoke situations where the husband will have to make a choice.
- You will have to spend time with the child, take care of him, make decisions related to his future. Apply to this in the good.
- Just like adults, children have many good traits, but also some that drive them crazy. The price is given to the terpene and the word, it is to the child, and it is said that it is from the winter.
- If you fail to love him with all your heart, then you will have to at least not demonstrate your negativity, anger, not take out your problems on him. Other people’s children, when they are around, often cause irritation. It is important to learn how to cope with it, to find a way to splash it out, but not on the child.
- The first step in accepting children will always involve taking responsibility for them.
True to the spirit of the people who live there. These are the questions, How often will the Child be at the service paid by Your Husband, Will you spend vacations, holidays together.
It is important to discuss what is expected of you. Perhaps your husband is against you building a trusting relationship with your child. He wants you to remain a stranger to him and maintain a distance. And this will have to be accepted.
How to accept a child’s feelings?
If, having married a man with a child, you consider yourself a victim, relax. The kids are even worse.
Let’s take for example an episode with a 4-year-old boy, whose Mom found a new man after a divorce, and forced Her to give up the baby. As a result, the boy began to live with his father.
If a man has children from a previous marriage – how to communicate with them?
My father’s new wife was a pretty woman who loved to work with children. She spent a lot of time with the boy, played, walked with him. It happened that she stayed at home alone with him when her husband went on business trips.
About six months later, the boy began to beat her, call her names. She said she couldn’t do that. The child screamed that he was allowed, because he was bad. She convinced him that he was not bad. Togda on nachal vygonyat zhenshino and to doma so slovami that plohaya on.
Only attentive attitude and support helped the woman survive this time and understand that her husband’s child is a small person who has already suffered a lot of pain.
Somewhere in the depths of his soul, he is sure that his parents broke up for him, Mom (Dad) left him, the new aunt (wife) hates him and will leave him too. He is trying to understand if someone can be trusted and sincere, looking for ways to get out of thoi.
The process of accepting a child is very deep. If you make a mistake, you will injure him for life, but you will also leave a wound on your heart. If you fall in love, you make two people happy.
If the child lives with you
More and more divorced men want to keep the child. And there are reasons for this:
- They like to spend time with the child, go to cafes, watch his progress, listen to music together. Sometimes kids grow up to be true friends who can be trusted and who love you just for being you.
- Men believe that a woman will not be able to properly raise a baby.
- They are afraid that they will not be able to see the children, because the ex-wife will interfere with this in every possible way.
Moreover, he will slander that his father is bad, a deceiver, a traitor, capable of doing only dirty tricks. Will provoke hatred.
Today, in psychology and jurisprudence, the term “alienation of children” is increasingly heard, which describes how one of the partners creates conditions in which the second cannot communicate with the child.
Just remember, How many times have you heard your friends say, As if, by the way, To your children: “Your daddy didn’t pay Alimony again.” Or: “Here, I found myself a new thief, now they will give birth to an idiot, but they will completely forget about you.”
- The ex-wife herself refuses the child, including after a divorce, realizing that she can’t cope, succumbing to the influence of a new passion, leaving for another city or going to prison.
You can find yourself in any of these situations, and then the child of your husband, no matter how much he will be. The price is there for the skin, the weather is by the sun, and the temperature is low, so the temperature is near.
Thus, realizing that the child is not yours, you will still need to constantly deal with it. And here a conflict arises – other people’s children, and you become their mother.
If children are small, they quickly get used to the people who take care of them. They want to call them mom. If you don’t want it, you can do it with other rods.
You, from the height of your age and experience, understand that you cannot become a full-fledged mother. You will have to break yourself, deceive somewhere, put up with the fact that you have a child somewhere. No in the case you are going to, it’s okay, it’s not like you’re there.
If the child lives alone
In terms of the structure and nature of the relationship, the situation when a child lives with his mother – your husband’s ex-wife, differs from the one when the children stay with their father. It is easier to accept, easier to get used to.
The first building in the world is that the words that come with it are written on it. You understand that the spouse has to deal with him, pay alimony and pay for urgent services.
You are not required to show love, to take care of children. Everyone understands that you are not a mother and cannot fulfill her role. Children have a mother who is responsible for them and loves them.
No this is not the case before demonstrating presrenie, you are there, don’t worry about it. Since this is a child, and also your husband’s child, help him learn to trust you. He went through grief. Nobody knows what lies ahead for him. It will be good if you become his friend.
You have common children
The big test is connected with the birth of your baby. You give him all your love. Believe that he is the best in the world. At the same time, the husband’s child often turns into an obstacle, interferes – he requires love, attention.
It is quite logical that you will have to be torn between children. And here you need to learn to accept both, maintain contact with them and make sure that they respect each other and feel the same attitude towards themselves.
- Conduct vremy s oboimi mi detmi odnovremenno. Go to the theatre, play, study with them.
- Organize family gatherings.
- Encourage children to have equal opportunities.
- Give children equal attention.
- Do not give in to the sacrificial moods of one of the children.
You can accept the Children of your Husband from a former Marriage by learning to respect them, taking responsibility for the situation in which you find yourself. It is not necessary to love them, but if you can teach them to trust you, it will be a great achievement.