How to avoid everyday life in a relationship? Recommendations of psychologists. Joint life, or, as people often say, everyday life in a relationship, is a phenomenon that no couple living together can avoid. And here it doesn’t matter at all whether the relationship is formalized by a legal marriage or we are talking about civil relationships.
As a rule, young (or maybe not very young) people who are boundlessly in love with each other are so pleased with each other that they decide without any doubt to live together. And here, at the end of the candy-bouquet period, the worst begins – an avalanche of family (or, to be more precise, common) life falls on partners at an insane speed.
Falling in love and all-consuming passion eventually pass, giving way to a critical assessment of your partner. It is precisely at this stage that all its shortcomings become noticeable, to which no one paid attention a little earlier. As a result of everything, it is the everyday life in a relationship that becomes a kind of stumbling block between lovers, the traditional reason for their constant disagreement.
In addition, one should not throw off the scales the fact that both for a woman and a man home comfort is important (we are, of course, not talking about a small percentage of geniuses who are carried away by their personal affairs, who are not able to notice even those exceeding the height sofas or armchairs mountains of garbage around you).
Bytovuha, insidiously absorbing love
In order for the spouses living together to feel cozy and comfortable, they definitely need an established common life. In principle, as it would seem at first glance, there is nothing terrible or impossible. But, as practice shows, the organization of the process and a fair division of duties are far from being within the reach of all married couples. Sooner or later, for many of them, there comes a moment when everyday life in a relationship simply destroys them, leading all love and romance to zero.
Household duties
It is the section and the performance of certain household duties that in most cases become the causes of quarrels and scandals. On the one hand, it would seem that it could be easier than in the evening, over a glass of tea or a glass of wine, to talk with your soul mate about the conditions for living together and equally share all household chores. Yes, it all sounds very simple. Nevertheless, far from all couples leading a common household can put everything into practice.
In addition, in addition to household chores, the concept of “everyday life in a relationship” includes a huge number of small factors that can bring one of the partners right to the grinding of teeth. Each couple is unique in their own way. It could be:
- A tube of toothpaste, uncapped and left on the sink;
- Worn socks, taken off and left to “rest in peace” right next to the sofa;
- The toilet lid he didn’t lift;
- The miasma of her nail polish floating all over the apartment;
- Her hair, lazily spread out over the bathroom and washbasin;
- Dirty dishes left on the table after breakfast (after all, a hundred kilometers to go to the sink).
The list of such “terrible” little things is endless. From the outside it looks a little strange. It would seem that you just need to take into account what exactly the partner does not like and draw the appropriate conclusions. Yes, the only problem is that all partners want to correct or change the habits that have taken root directly in their very nature, naively believing that the spouse (wife) is simply obliged to put up with them and take everything as it is.
Lack of common purpose
In a huge number of cases, domestic tension in the family begins to “raise its head” in cases where the couple does not pursue a common goal. That is, for one of the spouses, coziness and comfort in the house are indispensable components of family life, and the second simply does not care about it. In this case, it becomes completely natural that the second partner will not take any part in establishing a common life for any gingerbread.
Solving such a problem is extremely difficult. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel itself turns out to be almost endless. Only those who really love each other and are not going to allow everyday life in a relationship to kill their beautiful and tender romantic feelings will be able to find a way out of this situation.
preliminary agreements
Many couples, this mainly applies to older, wiser partners, instead of struggling with the problem of family life, they simply prefer to prevent its occurrence. Many will agree that such a decision in itself is correct and rational, but not everyone will be able to do it on time.
At the same time, it is not difficult to do this at all; many psychologists recommend that the conversation be conducted in a joking manner to facilitate the task. So it is much easier not to offend your partner and gently point out to him those “malices” that you do not intend to forgive.
Both a man and a woman, despite the fact that they live or are going to live together, are separate self-sufficient individuals. They have already formed characters and habits, and only truly loving people are ready to provide each other with comfort and coziness, eradicating some of the flaws in their character. Do not spoil the mood for each other, it is best to compromise and come to a consensus that suits both.
By and large, swearing over trifles, it is always necessary to remember that everyday life in a relationship is a phenomenon that is not so difficult to deal with. It is much more difficult to find in our crazy world that person with whom I would like to live my whole life. And, to be honest, it’s much easier to close the tube of toothpaste, wash your hair off the washbasin, or put your socks away after your loved one, instead of crying into your pillow at night to regret that he simply doesn’t exist in life.
The division of duties is an effective means of combating household goods
Married couples who have managed to cope with the issue of the division of duties are already doomed to happiness and success in themselves. Together they manage to avoid a huge amount of disagreement and continue to love and respect each other.
The period of initial euphoria, when both HE and SHE strive to please their soul mate with washing, cooking, cleaning, ends quickly enough. As a rule, efforts quickly end, and all this ruinous work begins to strain both.
It is at this stage that it is very important to correctly divide responsibilities. We are talking about the decomposition of men’s and women’s household chores.
After all, it’s not a secret for anyone that there are household chores that one of the partners likes to do much more than the other. By the way, such a section does not at all imply the use of standard clichés and stereotypes.
For example, cooking. On the one hand, from time immemorial it has been considered the duty of a woman – the keeper of the hearth. But now, no one has canceled the existence of a large number of men who get real pleasure while preparing breakfast, lunch or dinner.
By the way, men cook in such a way that you just lick your fingers (unless, of course, they want it). After all, it is not for nothing that the most famous world-class chefs belong precisely to the strong half of humanity. So why, in this case, not leave the husband at the stove and take on other duties. For example, taking out the trash or going to the store.
Such an attitude should be towards all household duties, taking into account earning a living. After all, if the wife has a successful career that brings a stable and quite a lot of income, and the husband, on the contrary, fails to realize himself in the workplace, it is quite realistic to leave household chores and raising children on his shoulders. Perhaps this is what he will cope with much better than his wife.
Thus, each of the spouses will be in their place, and the relationship will not suffer from the “sharp fangs” of family life. Here you should not pay attention to underwear or frank sarcasm of relatives or acquaintances. This is a personal family life, and how to manage it is a matter of purely two.
Separately, it is worth dwelling on families where both husband and wife work in the same mode. It is very important here that the husband be aware that in the evening, when they both returned home after a busy day, household chores must also be performed together. It would be very unfair if the spouse lay down on the sofa with a newspaper or sat comfortably in a computer chair, fighting with the next virtual monsters, the wife, spinning like a squirrel in a wheel, would begin to dangle in an eternal circle – a stove, a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner.
Many will call such an arrangement of questions at least dishonest. And to tell the truth, not every love can withstand long-term exploitation. No wonder it is said that even a monkey managed to turn into a reasonable person precisely thanks to hard work. A man should not turn into a lazy baboon. Helping a woman who came home from work, just like him, is guaranteed to help avoid a grandiose scandal, which cannot be avoided if a sofa and a newspaper are chosen as a priority.
The team game of the spouses can work wonders. By following the rules established jointly, it is possible to achieve that:
- A cute baby in a couple of years will not turn into an evil and constantly grumbling monster;
- A charming and fit cat will not become an amorphous mass of incomprehensible origin spread over the sofa.
Redistribution of “power”
There are cases when, it would seem, responsibilities have long been divided. And here, suddenly, a moment suddenly comes when some of them begin to burden the partner who took them upon himself too much. Don’t look at it through your fingers. In some cases, you need to sit down and re-arrange everything on the shelves. In others, they silently stand up and help, at least for a while, freeing their soul mate from the disgusting routine.
Most often, the prerogative of the female half of the family becomes the organization of family comfort and life – curtains, napkins, tastefully selected bed linen and dishes. In this case, a man simply needs to be directly involved in more difficult cases from a physical point of view. For example, nail a shelf in a place convenient for the wife or move a closet.
The same applies to various mechanisms. Most men will much rather take apart and reassemble a washing machine or vacuum cleaner (of course, if repairs are needed) than carefully ironing the collar of their own shirt that cannot be straightened. Let the wife do it better. As they say, to each his own.
Do not let each other get bogged down in household chores
This recommendation mostly applies to men. Seeing that she is up to her ears in cleaning, washing and cooking, it is worth helping. The gratitude of the spouse will have no boundaries. She will certainly appreciate the care and repay it a hundredfold. Helping each other, partners will be able to maintain the fire of their love throughout their lives, framed by a gentle cloud of romance.
If, on the contrary, one of the spouses is turned into a slave, sooner or later there will be an uprising. The love that was once so passionate and sensual will perish in it.
Both in sorrow and in joy – these are the words that lovers once said to each other. You should never forget about them. Only in this case, with mutual understanding and mutual support, a married couple will be able to keep the ship of family life afloat for decades.
Modern realities of life are already quite complex. It is not necessary to toughen what is happening in society also by “fighting” in your home. Spouses, who once dreamed of turning their lives into a fairy tale, may well make their dreams come true. All that is needed for this is to sincerely want to be together and keep your love. In this case, no everyday life in a relationship can destroy such a desired and preserved by the spouses marriage.
