How to avoid quarrels with a loved one and stop them – what to do? A quarrel is a collision caused by the fact that your expectations are not met. That is what the partner is doing, and in real terms that it is not working.
No, the number of conflicts can be significantly reduced. To do this, you need to adhere to several principles of communication with each other.
Negotiate “on the coast”
The best way to avoid conflicts and quarrels is to find out each other’s position from the very beginning and know what it seems. In addition to the price that is given to you, which will allow you to do as much as possible.
And it is better to do this at the initial stage of the relationship, until resentment and discontent have accumulated. Of course, it is impossible to agree on everything in general. No meaningful things you can discuss. Example:
- distribute household chores;
- find out how you feel about children and their upbringing;
- agree on the family budget and its distribution;
- find out what place your career, hobbies and friends will take in your family life;
- decide how acceptable the influence of relatives on your union is for you;
- clarify what is unacceptable for each of you in marriage, etc.
The list of specific questions will depend on your value system, on what is significant in the relationship for both partners, and what is not.
Such conversations must be sincere. It is not necessary to understand the number of drugs, but also to dispose of it. The honesty with which you will communicate is an investment in the happy future of your family.
Do not ignore problems
Most of the conflicts that arise in the milk body, on the other hand, before the glass is closed. To this end it is not necessary to stand, to reshil, to the next, to the poster and to the pro.
No, it is not possible to solve the problem. When the tension becomes too much, it can lead to a major scandal.
For example, a girl is annoyed that her young man constantly does not wash his mug after him, leaving it in the sink. At the beginning of the relationship, she does not talk about it, because it seems to her not essential.
Why do people quarrel?
But three years later, in a quarrel, she can express everything very EMOtionally. Little things that have been accumulating for a long time turn into a snowball that falls on a partner. This is usually accompanied by phrases such as “you always”, “always”, “you forever”.
Most likely, the man did not even suspect that he was doing something wrong, because the girl did not talk about it, she started right away with accusations and attacks.
For him, the mug itself may not have been that important, but during an EMO rational quarrel, it is difficult to maintain self-control. To prevent such situations from happening, it is better to immediately say what annoys you, and not ignore the problem.
Be honest about your desires
It is important to be able to convey to your partner what you want, and not to adapt to him, wanting to avoid a possible s. Desires, like discontent, if ignored for a long time, will lead to conflict. To avoid this, you need:
- listen to your needs;
- recognize the right to do what you want, and not infringe on your desires;
- calmly talk about them to your partner.
Not everyone can do these 3 steps. Often people have an attitude that in a relationship you need to give, but asking for something means being an egoist. But such a position is a small step towards the role of the victim.
In a healthy relationship, both people want to please each other, make each other happy. And both want to be happy.
Sometimes the desires that a person suppresses are quite serious. For example, a wife wants to build a career, but does not talk about it, because her husband believes that a woman is a keeper.
Desires can be and small. For example, a girl came tired from work and wants a guy to support her. Helped, but she waits for him to guess. And then he gets offended if he didn’t.
The founder of transactional analysis, E. Berne, called any attention, care, hugs psychological strokes. He identified several laws that are related to this. One of them says: people have a ban on asking for strokes.
It seems to them that what they need to ask for is worthless. For example, a Girl wants to receive flowers, but if she asks a man for them, she seems to have begged for them, as if they were not from a pure heart. He has to figure it out himself.
No in reality, to, o чем ты просишь – также значимо. Partner is not allowed, in that it is not necessary and not possible to have two people.
If you want to avoid unnecessary fights in a relationship, just talk about your desires. And a loving person will definitely fulfill them, because he wants you to be happy.
Listen and accept partner
Strong relationships are built on reciprocity. If you want a man to accept you, your desires and take into account your opinion, it is important to be able to listen to his position and his position.
Each person has his own life experience, he was brought up on certain settings. And a man has his own expectations about relationships and his beloved.
To learn to understand each other, you need to be able to listen to your partner. When he is dissatisfied with something, when he wants something, you should not defend yourself, make excuses or blame, but try to put yourself in his place and understand why he does this.
This is quite possible thanks to mirror neurons, which allow a person to feel that the progutis is walking. The main thing is to shift the focus of attention from yourself to your loved one for a moment.
If you want to have fewer quarrels in your communication, you need to be able to analyze yourself and manage your own. To control does not mean to suppress. This means finding a constructive way out for them.
Many quarrels arise from scratch. It’s the little things that make people snap at each other. In hindsight it seems so unimportant, sometimes people can’t even remember what exactly led to sss.
Because she had no real reason, the person simply could not contain the accumulated tension. This happens when people:
- They experience physical discomfort – something hurts, they feel hunger, fatigue, even the shoes that are pressed against you can lead to irritation with their husband;
- Experiencing stress or emotional burnout – this leads to “fatigue” of the nervous system, loss of control, you explode from scratch;
- they cannot throw out negative emotions on a real object – the husband is angry with the boss or the wife is angry with her colleague, but they cannot say anything to them, therefore they break down on their loved ones.
Spouses will always forgive, so they become a “safe” object for negativity to come out. To prevent this from happening, every time something makes you angry, stop and think about what is the reason for your um.
Listen to yourself, analyze your day. Perhaps the reason is someone else, not your loved one. Find other ways to get out of the negative. Or honestly know how to admit: “I’m sorry, I broke down, because …”.
In order to have fewer quarrels in your relationship, you need to approach each conflict consciously, listen to each other, develop patience and understanding. No it is not possible to read it, it is not necessary to understand it.