How to be calm during an argument? Darlings scold – they only amuse themselves. What impression does this phrase make? An image of caricature characters from the cartoon appears before my eyes, where Vasilisa is chasing with a rolling pin Ivalka z. In fact, the proverb smells of something condescendingly depreciating.
Is it really so easy for us to quarrel with a beloved man? What to do to make peace faster?
Where do quarrels come from?
A quarrel is an unpleasant component of a relationship, which is often impossible to avoid. Resentment, insults, reproaches, and also secondary benefits. Conflicts “shake up” the routine, bring a special spice into the relationship and become an additional reason for going to hell.
The key reason for quarrels between a man and a woman is that we do not understand and do not accept the emotional nature of a friend. We do not stop in time to let the feelings calm down. On the contrary, we go into courage and try to “hit” harder, we wind ourselves up.
Due to natural emotionally, women often need to find out everything “here and now”. A man needs time to think – at the moment he has no answer. And the demand to immediately lay out the truth-womb only adds fuel to the fire.
A pronounced temperament and completely dictates to us a line of behavior devoid of flexibility. To the extent that it is necessary in the scandal, it is necessary that it is too late. Rage, the desire to argue violently pushes you into the conflict and makes you forget what you were talking about at all.
Causes of quarrels
In order to eliminate the key cause of quarrels, you need a long and painstaking work on yourself and on relationships. But quarrel to quarrel is different. In order to act effectively in a “state of war”, one should first understand the “official versions”.
- Unsatisfactory physical condition.
Lack of sleep, illness, fatigue from hard physical labor can make you act up. One wrong word or action – and an avalanche of negativity is already flying at the interlocutor.
Meant one thing, said another, looked “wrong”
- Inability to communicate.
7 Fight Rules That Strengthen Relationships
One of the most common reasons for a quarrel. A person has a habit of asking questions or voicing dissatisfaction in the form of claims. Hotel answers? Get mutual reproaches and accusations! Also, the reason for a quarrel may be the expectation of the fulfillment of requirements that have not been voiced.
- Desire to receive attention or benefit.
The reason is similar to the previous one. “He wants to make peace and buy me flowers” / “We quarreled – the evening was freed. I’m going to football.”
- Desire to offend.
A kind of revenge for any action / inaction. “I will quarrel with you, and you will feel bad.”
What happens in a fight?
The first thing that happens in a quarrel is a surprise attack. On the other hand, it is possible to let the pretense and the frame, which is not important. Self-defense turns on, and the first thing you want to do is immediately “hit” in response. On this stage it is possible to do so, not on those days.
One option is to fix the problem on the spot. You can ask in a calm voice what is wrong, and clarify what exactly is expected of you. Just do not turn on the “psychiatrist’s tone” – speak moderately seriously and kindly.
If the moment is missed, the stage of mutual exchange of claims for increased tones begins. It is much more difficult to reach an agreement at this stage. The easiest way out is to admit that emotions take precedence over common sense, offer to talk later and go to different rooms.
Further, in the worst case scenario, unconstructive criticism and exchange of insults follow. You are already deviating from the topic of the quarrel, giving each other rough assessments. The goal is to force the interlocutor to capitulate. Prohibited reception – accusations of something that has not happened / has not happened yet.
In the place where it is not figurative. All claims that have accumulated during the relationship are expressed. In the course is the recollection of old grievances. As a result, one of you breaks down and pauses the quarrel.
How to behave in a quarrel with a man?
Understanding the reasons for the quarrel, it is easier to choose the appropriate behavior model. For example, if you had a fight because one of you was tired, didn’t get enough sleep, or was just stressed out, sorry budentav budent. It is better if you take additional measures and discuss how to avoid such troubles in the future.
Fighting because you don’t know how to communicate? For reconciliation, a request for forgiveness and recognition of the cause of the conflict is enough. To avoid quarrels on this basis, you will have to learn to speak politely and gently.
Is the cause of family scandals unsatisfied desires? Adopt a rule: speak directly about what you want / what you don’t like. Leave the phrase “He understands me perfectly” to the actresses in the series. Love is love, but no one is obliged to read other people’s thoughts.
The only way to get out of a conflict caused by a misunderstanding is to eliminate this misunderstanding. Otherwise, the quarrel will simply go into a sluggish phase. Explain your position to each other, ask clarifying questions. It will be helpful to develop the habit of asking again to avoid misinterpretations.
A popular mistake is to continue to look for someone to blame when they came to each other to put up. Is it worth it? Is there a need to hang this label? Will finding the culprit help mend the relationship?
Another scenario of behavior is to apologize without understanding why. The desire to be the first to take a step towards, of course, causes respect. But how sustainable will such a truce be? Isn’t there a position that allows you to store the part?
How not to behave in a quarrel with a man?
Let’s look at the problem of quarrels in relationships from the other side. Yes, this is a negative event. Is there anything you want to do? For example, learning how to act during a quarrel is definitely not worth it.
- “Snezhnaya queen”.
When you realize that you are ready for reconciliation, you do not need to punish the offender with a total ignore – maybe you will understand. For example, a man will think that you are a narcissistic egoist who is waiting for his humiliation.
Always discuss the fight. If they quarreled, then there is some kind of problem. Just make peace – transfer the conflict on the same occasion to “later”.
- “Vse about everything.”
“You always do…”, “You never…”. It is better to express your dissatisfaction clearly, citing specific arguments.
- “Revenge is a dish served in the heat of the moment.”
If the goal is to widen the gap between you, go for it!
- “Lost from the radar”
Do not go to social networks, turn off the phone, do not come home to sleep – it means – do not care about his feelings. Yes, you had a fight. But they didn’t stop loving each other! Why make a man worry about your life?
In a quarrel, in the face of harsh criticism, even the strongest adults become defenseless children. There is no construct – there is only pain and a desire to hide in a corner. You can present your thoughts to the interlocutor respectfully, as a coat is served. And do not throw claims like dirt.