The rendezvous is appointed, the place and time are determined, the outfit and styling are chosen. The last, but most difficult question remains – how to behave on a first date? Show courtesy? Undoubtedly. Avoid dry interrogations? Necessarily. However, a successful meeting requires much more. At the same time, “successful” does not mean an invitation to a second date, but an unmistakable determination of the chances for a joint future. How to calculate them?
1. Be confident.
Adequate self-esteem, its embodiment in behavior, is a magnet. Subconsciously, people are drawn to such personalities, trying to imitate them or at least be filled with a piece of their energy. A woman walking with a slow, confident gait, or a man with a direct, determined look, is a manifestation of pure sexuality.
Build confidence in yourself in a short time will not work. However, in just a couple of hours you can minimize manifestations of uncertainty. How to do it:
- choose comfortable clothes (without high heels or ties that tighten your neck if they are unusual);
- postpone experiments in appearance (styling, cutting a beard, mustache, makeup) until the time when there will be less stiffness and awkwardness;
- monitor posture, posture – straightening your shoulders and slightly raising your chin, you can feel better;
- discuss the meeting place in advance – it is better to go to a familiar institution or at least choose a location without unusual exotics;
- have a good rest before a date, get enough sleep, drink a mug of warm milk before going to bed, if your nerves do not allow you to relax.
What better not to do in any case, it is to take sedatives or alcohol. They make you feel lethargic, drowsy, and finally spoil your reputation. If the excitement builds up, herbal tea or breathing exercises will help.
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2. Be yourself.
The absolute peak of the desire to be a better person falls on the first date. The desire for development is commendable, but good qualities do not always appear, and sharply shocking the interlocutor with negativity on the fifth or tenth date is not a good idea.
The better a person seems at the first meeting, the more expectations are placed on him on the next date. And the stronger the disappointment when the “ideal” does not correspond to the truth. Typical mistakes in the initial stages of a relationship:
- to try uncompromisingly to please the interlocutor to the detriment of oneself;
- “adopt” the interests, views of a partner in order to impress him;
- lie with the aim of pitying or not disappointing your couple;
- afraid to say “no” and thus seem boring, weak;
- ignore rude, repulsive behavior.
Opinions do not agree or something in the person strongly do not like? It’s better to say it right away. Calmly, tactfully, but firmly. If a person tries to apologize, stop the irritating action, adequately perceive dissimilarity – well. If not, why waste both your own and other people’s time?
3. Show sincerity.
“I like to listen to the classics, I go to the gym three times a week, I read Shakespeare in the original at my leisure”.
Wonderful! More precisely, it would be fine if it corresponded to the truth. And so pop music, yoga and Marvel comics. Preferences are good in and of themselves. However, the fact that they are hidden, replaced by lies, kills all the charm. What is the most difficult thing is to tell the truth after a long deception.
It is important to learn to accept yourself or strive for development. An overweight person can say three different things and get three different reactions:
- “I go in for sports, I eat right, but, apparently, the reason is genetics or hormonal failure.”
- “Well, yes, extra pounds. So what? I love myself, I won’t change for anyone. If you don’t like it, don’t watch.”
- “Gradually I am moving to the right way of life. While the result is small, it can be difficult, but I try.
The first is an outright lie, the second is uncompromising, passivity. And only the third expression belongs to the person with whom you want to deal.
4. Voice the qualities you like.
The girl has a small hump on her nose. Her mother, best friend and even brother sincerely say that a slight bend in the bridge of the nose gives some zest and does not spoil the face at all. But a new acquaintance appears on the horizon, asking if the girl wondered about rhinoplasty. What will she think about?
That’s right – that she has a defect in appearance. Paradoxical as it may seem, sometimes people tend to trust new acquaintances more than old ones. Especially when it comes to the negative. However, it is the same with positive qualities. If you like something in the interlocutor, you can tell about it already on the first date.
“I love your smile – you have such cute dimples on your cheeks”.
“I love gallantry in men. Thank you for giving me your hand as I got out of the car.”.
“Your femininity amazes me. You are so gentle and graceful!”.
The compliment will become a kind of “amplifier” of a good feature. The recipient of such an encouragement will want to show the quality they like more often – to be smiling, courteous or sophisticated.
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5. Set an information limit.
No wonder they say that men love mystery in women. They forget to add that the rule applies to both parties. Only for guys it is more often called “sports interest”, and for girls – “intrigue”.
If from the first minute you start telling all the ins and outs about yourself, there may not be room for curiosity. Where can he come from if all the secrets are revealed? Even the most banal thing can be presented with a slight veil of secrecy, and it will work. A drop of humor doesn’t hurt. Three examples:
- — I like to write poetry. Most of all – about love, because they are the most tender. I wrote my first poem at the age of 10 (tells him). By the way, at the same time I really fell in love with cooking and once burned my hand. And my mother, a nurse, smeared some kind of ointment on the burn, and everything healed. At that moment, I made a firm decision to help people and wanted to learn to be a doctor. It is because of my profession that I do not like white, so I want to buy an outfit of a different shade for my wedding. (Another hour of talking about your ideal wedding, your interests and dreams)
- — What are you interested in?
– Why? Which ones do you like?
– I do not know. Fast.
– And the color?
– Would you like some more wine?
You didn’t answer…
The wine is good, would you like more?
- You seem to enjoy playing the piano very much.
— Yes, I like to put stories and feelings into the sounds of music.
Where does your passion come from?
There is a very interesting story connected with this. (smiles mysteriously).
– Will you tell? (involuntarily smiles back)
– But promise me one more date – on it I will tell (laughing together).
In which dialogue lies more chances for a second meeting – obviously.
6. Listen and hear.
There is a big risk that the interlocutor himself can lie on the first date. However, it is unlikely that he will at the same time control his body language, which will instantly betray him.
Speech can also serve as an indicator. For example, if a person often gets hung up on a topic, it is important to him or he considers it significant. He talks about events not in chronological order – he shows his priorities. Also considered a treasure trove of information parasite words:
- By the way – an attempt to attract attention, its lack, awkwardness; characteristic of introverts;
- shorter – haste, irritability or nervousness; often gives out choleric;
- yo-mine, eprst, yoshkin cat – extraversion, sociability;
- exactly this – laziness, infantilism, irresponsibility;
- type — conservatism, difficulty accepting changes;
- simply – lack of confidence, lack of own opinion; characteristic of phlegmatic;
- like this, like this, like this – desire to end the conversation or not knowing how to continue it.
7. Don’t ask for a second date right away.
Even if a person really liked and causes great delight, this is not a reason to instantly make a second date. Causes:
- you can feel sympathy when the couple is nearby, and in her absence you don’t even think about her. This does not indicate the beginning of feelings, but rather self-love, the desire to feel someone else’s attention;
- at first, good qualities are striking, only at home, in an objective environment, cons suddenly pop up in memory. It is advisable to think them over well already without the presence of the interlocutor and his emotional influence;
- with a partner can be good and fun. Sometimes even too much. After a date, there is a feeling that such a person is easy to fall in love with, but she is not suitable for the expected role of a husband / wife, soul mate, or couple in a relationship without commitment.
These 7 recommendations on how to behave on a first date cannot be taken as an axiom. They are intended only to direct the course of the meeting, but not to control it. The most correct solution would be to analyze the situation, your partner, search for solutions based on a specific case. Sometimes for a good rendezvous you need only one piece of advice, and sometimes even seven will not be enough.
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