How to behave with an abuser victim correctly? “Only I need you,” “It’s for your own good,” “I’m punishing you because you deserve it.” Phrases typical of a male abuser. Hiding behind good intentions, a person commits violence against you. With your tacit consent.
Violence is not only assault or sexual harassment. These are also words and cruel deeds. What makes a man behave this way? And can love live side by side with aggression?
What does an abuse look like?
Beat means love. This unhealthy definition of relations within seven has gained wide popularity among several generations of women. Surprisingly, none of them can clearly reproduce the logic of this judgment.
What makes you raise your hand to the one you want to wear on your hands? Think about your loved ones. Does the desire arise to suppress them, to dominate, showing brute force? There is only one conclusion: he beats – it means he likes to beat. Abuse is not just physical abuse. It is also possible psychologically to “hit” so that heavy grasses remain.
Abusive words, humiliating actions, rudeness, neglect, deprivation of money, threats – these are just a few of what a woman in an abusive relationship can face.
Perhaps the worst thing that can happen to a girl is sexual abuse. The tyrant turns the act of love into torture, and the body into a piece of meat. Some violent men try to justify this form of intimacy with the Game as a punishment for misbehavior. That’s just who gave the “green light” to such games or appointed a full-time executioner?
Signs of abusive behavior
The ideal relationship with an abuser is a complete lack of relationship. This is a hole that will be very hard to get out of. Most likely, you will even need help. A real abuser is only fully revealed in a long-term, stable relationship. But it usually starts much earlier.
- Almost from the first date, he admits to very strong feelings for you.
- Literally suffocates with care and attention.
- He insists on frequent meetings, constantly asking where and with whom you are.
- He’s offended that you didn’t call him.
- He speaks unflatteringly about your social circle.
- Rigidly divides the world into “good” and “bad”.
How not to fall for the tricks of a male abuser in a relationship?
Such a man always finds a completely logical explanation for his words and actions. As a rule, his main arguments are your personal benefit, the desire to protect you from all the hardships of the world, to take care of you, to become your stone wall, support and hope.
If this is the case, you will have to pay for it. Are you comfortable with such communication? Are you talking about “devils”?
Perhaps now is the best time to set personal boundaries, discuss and set the rules for your relationship. Such a conversation will help you understand what, according to the boyfriend, you can and cannot. Is it spoken in the name of “no”?
What happens in an abusive relationship?
Let’s say you decide that such a Superman suits you. You have a wonderful relationship, but over time it becomes too cloying. He tries very hard to ensure that you become attached to him, experience deep gratitude for the care and tenderness. After all, then this gratitude can be manipulated!
Now you’re definitely with him, and you’re not going anywhere. The tap with “honey” can be blocked – now “tar” will flow. Care mutates into overcontrol. You can now meet with friends only either in his presence, or by sending a photo report – prove it
“Since you have nothing to hide,” he demands passwords from social networks, arranges phone checks, in especially difficult cases, interrogates your girlfriends about your communication with other men or even corresponds with them on your behalf. And with your family, you will most likely quarrel yourself. Takim obrazom, on no tolko beret to the control of two zodiacs, no and sozdaet vokrug tebby not in the air.
Is every friend able to withstand such communication? Neither to share a secret, nor to discuss “girlish” topics – on the same constantly there. Or watching from a distance. In addition, you find time for such meetings less and less. What could be better than being alone with your loved one?
The Tyrant creates a Social Vacuum around His victim in order to protect himself from two things in the future: punishment and escape. The prosthesis is small, and the price is small. And he will take care of your lack of financial ability to return to an independent life.
Everything is ready. You can start a cycle of violence: tension builds up, aggression spills out, he begs on his knees to forgive and take revenge. For a while, everything is calm again. And then – a new round of bullying.
Why do men become abusers?
It is paradoxical but true that a male abuser is both a rapist and a victim at the same time. Even if you don’t post it and it’s not possible to do it. If it isn’t there, it isn’t worth it. No tires are allowed, and they are available.
In most cases, the roots of abusive behavior stretch from childhood. For example, at a tender age, a man was a victim of abuse. Perhaps he was beaten and humiliated by his parents. Or he was bullied at school by his peers.
Another option – from a young age, a man saw examples of such treatment. For example, a father beat his mother and inspired his son that “women need to be brought up.” Before you see the model. He just doesn’t know it’s not normal.
Cruel attitude towards the chosen one can also be the result of low self-esteem. In this case, it is appropriate to assume that the childhood and transitional age of a man passed under the auspices of the psychological. He could be humiliated, ignored, morally suppressed, and even accused of being born. Now he has grown up, and it is time to take revenge on the whole world.
How to behave in a relationship with an abusive man?
Only one advice – run without looking back. Such a man will not change until he turns to a specialist. The key reason why a person becomes a tyrant is a deep psychological trauma. Alas, love does not cure this.
Even if you behave quieter than water, lower than the grass, he will still find a reason to insult or hit. Thus, he wins back his trauma, in parallel – creates codependency. You begin to believe that you are guilty of all sins, that you are incapable of anything, that you are worthless.
It’s all you gotta do in your own car, and it’s still possible for you to play. Leave in ANGLI, without explanations and farewell notes. Run while he’s not at home. Somewhere where he won’t find you.
Building a healthy relationship with a “sick” person is impossible. Not that it isn’t worth it. Think better about yourself and your future, about the prospect of giving birth and raising children with him. If you have a desire to get out of such a relationship, then there are forces. The rest is a matter to be resolved.