How to break the connection between mother and son, if a man is a sissy? You can’t just say that a sissy grows up only with an overbearing mother. The problem of modern men is that throughout their formation as individuals, they are constantly being spared. In kindergarten, in school, in circles and sections. Everywhere there is a woman to be subordinated to, because she is the main, strong one and she decides when to go.
How dependence on the mother is formed
If this is not the case in the painting, it is not necessary to do so, it is necessary to do so Speaking about the absence of the figure of the father, we are not limited to the concept of “there was no dad.” There could be a grandfather, a coach, an uncle, an older brother, even a neighbor, if they broadcast a model of a man’s behavior.
Another important factor is the upbringing of the boy. If mom or other adults constantly tell him: don’t fight, don’t run, don’t jump, you will hit, you will get hurt, it’s dangerous, then they, in their excessive care and overprotection, unwittingly suppress the development of male traits.
Such boys cannot learn to be strong, to take risks, to leave their comfort zone, to make decisions.
Signs of a sissy
- he constantly compares you with mom;
- he and his mother are financially dependent (either he depends on her, or she depends on him);
- you feel that his mother controls your relationship;
- the opinion of the mother is the most important for him and, as a rule, is not subject to discussion;
My man is a sissy! How to be and what to do?
- where there are two conflicts so that there are no abstractions and there are two conflicts;
- it constantly influences your plans;
- mother manipulates her son all the time, referring to her poor health or trying to arouse feelings of guilt in him (I gave you the best years, you don’t need me anymore, I was left alone);
- the mother-in-law is always aware of your personal, including intimate life;
- you feel that there is an outside force that is invading your personal boundaries.
What are your feelings?
Being in a relationship with a sissy, you may experience anger at your mother-in-law, irritability. Of course, you do not like that she, chu woman, invades the family, constantly shadows, criticizes
At the same time, you have already begun to understand that you will never be able to do everything right from her point of view. On the other hand, it is possible to post under the wording of the two statuses “good wife”. Gradually, a feeling of fear arises in front of this imperious figure.
You yourself may begin to feel like a little girl being judged. And you, in this case, can fall into a psychological trap. After all, in an attempt to defend your boundaries, you inevitably come into conflict with her. It is almost impossible to win this conflict, since a man is likely to choose the side of his mother.
Even if you managed, it seems, to get out of the next conflict as a winner, you have a feeling of guilt. “What if I was too harsh? Maybe you shouldn’t have been so rude? I offended her … ”You soften and then everything starts anew. And that makes you feel powerless.
Truly believe, no men in the location is indicated on the senses. Only he either suppresses these feelings for mom, or transfers these feelings to you. Why? Because you can’t be mad at your mom. Mama good. Mom loves it, because it is so bad.
She does not need to prove anything, she does not need to be afraid of her disappointment, she is a priori on his side. This is a state of security, because the mother, unlike the wife, will not leave and will not betray.
How to save your man from his dependence on his mother?
First you need to pay attention to yourself. If you feel anger, guilt, resentment, being between his mother and him, then you need to figure out what is the reason. Does the number of sweets that you want in you have such strong feelings? After all, you are an adult who knows how to deal with unconstructive criticism. You are pre-occupied, so that the critics are not in the short term, no before this is on you? This is a complex of a bad mother and a little girl who is trying to please her.
Do you think it’s worth it and “catch” such feelings in yourself? It’s the best thing you can do in a situation like this. Physically, on your own, you cannot take a man by the hand and tear him off his mother’s skirt, if he is not part of this. At best, even if you succeeded, what will he do next? He will cling to your skirt, and you will already act as an overbearing mother who:
- respond to problems;
- takes responsibility;
- chooses clothes for him;
- chooses a job for him;
- and that will solve the problems on the job.
How to break the connection between mother and son, if a man is a sissy?
If your task is not to tear a man away from his mother, but to make him finally become an adult, a strong man, support and support for you, then separating them, moving to another city is not an option. A man himself, psychologically, must build his boundaries in relations with his mother and close his complexes.
Your main help in this is not to support this game. Do not get into the position of “ilochten” and the position of the “little girl” who is waiting for his mother. You should be able to do so in a different way than emotionally. Your sober look at things is the best help for a man.
A man also wants to get rid of dependence on his mother, from a feeling of constant anxiety, guilt, fear, loss of himself. He may not realize it, but this need is there. When you understand this, you are no longer at war with him or his mother. If you don’t know, you can do anything about it – it’s not important for you.
And not specifically from his mother, but from the image of that imperious female figure that exists in your subconscious and which prevents you from living the way you want.
What does it take to get out of a dependent relationship with your mom?
- a man must come to the realization that he is creating a new family. No one wants to see him, no one wants to see him. You are creating something new. If this is the partner’s project, then you can do it by yourself. You don’t have to cook like his mother, and he shouldn’t, for example, always wash the dishes (just because he did it);
- put more responsibility on him – you don’t have to solve everything yourself, you don’t need to teach him how to deal with problems, especially if he doesn’t ask for your help. The more responsibility he has, the better his self-awareness develops, he makes more decisions and feels his independence, thereby becoming stronger;
- we need to learn how to build boundaries, both psychological and real – this is our home, which means we settle in it. This is our child, so we decide how to raise him.
There are factors that facilitate the process of separating a man from his mother. The success of this largely depends on how a man has taken place as a professional, social or broken person or that. How self-actualized he is. Another fact is the absence of pronounced addictions (alcohol, workaholism, games).