How to decide on a divorce and do it painlessly? Each person strives to create a strong unit of society. Many succeed, and they live long and quite happily. And some face difficulties. Someone successfully solves them, and someone does not want to spend mental resources on solving the problems that have arisen and easily burns bridges. But sometimes couples break up, seeing no other way out. And then the divorce is given with great difficulty.
The content of the article
There are many reasons for divorce. Anything can serve as a trigger. But there are basic, classic:
- Bad habits: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling.
- Abusive relationships: jealousy, tyranny, aggression, despotism
- Financial difficulties: pathological unwillingness of the partner to take part in the financial support of the family, high credit burden and other problems associated with chronic lack of money.
These reasons are the main ones for divorce. Everything else people can quite successfully overcome, coming out of the situation with minimal losses. It makes no sense to dwell on them, and without further ado it is clear that fighting them is Sisyphean labor. Another thing is when the problem is solved, but there is no desire to deal with it.
Before deciding on a divorce, it is necessary to bring to a common denominator all the pros and cons. This is not about hopeless situations that were described above. The conversation is about “bliss”, about minor problems that are blown up like “elephants out of flies.” Unfortunately, many couples, being in hysterics, are not capable of constructive dialogue. In order to understand the expediency of divorce, you need to carefully consider everything: the financial situation, the presence of children, what was good and bad in this marriage. You just need to think with a “cold” head, and not on emotions. When a person is in “discord”, he is not able to think adequately. As a result, hasty decisions can lead to disastrous results.
Having brought everything together, one cannot discount the partner, because he may have his own thoughts on this matter. It is possible that he or she is categorically against such a turn, and wants to start changing something in the relationship and in himself for the sake of preserving the family. Therefore, a conversation is needed, sincere, direct, without double phrases. The likelihood that the decision was made under the influence of emotions is very high, even if everything was deliberate for a long time. If the partner has given sufficiently strong arguments in favor of maintaining the marriage, and at the same time a sense of respect and gratitude for him has been preserved, then it is worth postponing the divorce: no one has yet canceled the crises in relations.
Speaking of crises. It is not without reason that psychologists single out time periods in which marriage is bursting at the seams. Couples who are familiar with the mechanism of these moments, albeit with difficulty, but overcome them and continue to live together. You can often hear that everything was in their life: betrayal, drinking, partying, debts and poverty. But they were able to overcome everything, thanks to wisdom, patience and the understanding that there are mistakes that can be corrected.
When the initiator of a separation decides to divorce, it must be understood that the lack of mutual consent leads to serious anguish for the second participant. It is necessary to make every effort to ensure that everything goes civilized. In plain language, correctly and diplomatically. This is difficult to do, but to stoop to the bazaar showdowns is low and unworthy of the behavior of an adequate person. Of course, we must not forget about justice. It is about the division of property. As soon as it comes to “mine – yours”, people hardly retain their human appearance. And it does not paint anyone. Only a fair division of the jointly acquired good will allow you to survive the period of parting more or less calmly.
Divorce and children
Deciding on a divorce, you can not use the methods of manipulating children. Whatever the situation preceded the separation, the children have absolutely nothing to do with it, provided that nothing threatens them. Even if one of the parents suffers from alcoholism, he has the right to communicate with children in moments of enlightenment. Of course, it’s hard and scary to trust such a person with your offspring, but he is the same parent, and he also has feelings for children.
It is very important to solve the issue of material support for children. It is better to do it amicably, well, or with the help of the court, which will determine the amount for maintenance. The adequacy and justice in this matter lies entirely with both parents.
From the point of view of child psychology, the divorce of parents is a powerful stress for the heirs. Children love their parents for who they are. It is hard for them to accept the fact that mom and dad no longer want to live together. Therefore, it is worth trying and making every effort for the imperceptible flow of the process. And one more important nuance: setting a child against one of the parents is a disgusting undertaking.
point of no return
The idea of divorce can go on for quite some time. Psychologists identify several time periods, after which we can talk about the point of no return:
- Spontaneity. Such a hasty decision is made under the influence of emotions. Parting under their pressure, a person is haunted by only one thought: to run away as quickly as possible. Subsequent events are of little concern, there is only “here and now.” In such a divorce, the realization of what happened occurs later. But spontaneity has one big and bold plus: the chances of a couple recovering are very high.
- Conscious decision. It takes a long time. It can last from one month to six months. During this period, relations inexorably deteriorate. Each movement of the partner gradually begins to be uneasy to annoy, it infuriates. At the same time, the initiator of the divorce does everything to ensure that the other half herself talks about the divorce. Restoration of a couple in this case is very rare, and there is not much point in it, since relations are tense to the limit.
- Illusion of fatigue. Thoughts of divorce are visited not very often, but with an enviable frequency. This is just the moment when the situation can drag on for years, but never get its logical conclusion. But, what is very pleasing, in this mode, divorces happen very rarely. Most often, the reason for parting is financial problems and minor domestic troubles. As soon as the situation improves, thoughts of divorce disappear until the next crisis.
In any case, when a person approaches the point of no return, it is necessary to make every effort to save the marriage. Of course, subject to mutual desire.
How to decide on a divorce and do it painlessly?