How to divorce your husband and avoid mistakes: 10 practical tips? So, you firmly decided that it’s enough to endure this – it’s time to get a divorce. Or is it still not? And your decision is not so unambiguous? And if so, how to do it? Sometimes marital relationships are a real dilemma – a real sword of Damocles that can hang over your head for years. Sometimes a divorce turns into a real melting pot in which all life values are burned: health, finances, good social connections. How to get a divorce with minimal losses? This is what we’ll be talking about today.
How to divorce your husband and avoid mistakes: 10 practical tips?
Make a final decision
The first problem for many of those who are not satisfied with their current relationship is the variability of perception. Today it seems that things are going very badly, and one cannot stay a minute longer with this idiot; the next day, the situation does not seem so tragic and even promising for improvement.
Many do not even think about how to properly prepare for a divorce. It seems to people that the sooner they get out of a stressful situation – that is, end their marriage – the better it will be for them. Especially if this opinion is encouraged by relatives or friends. But unfortunately, in many cases the exact opposite happens. Couples who make hasty decisions do not have time to sort out their feelings and consider their options. As a result, their life after a divorce in the emotional plan turns into a nightmarish rollercoaster. Instead of improving the situation, they simply trade one set of problems for another.
Readiness for divorce: questions for self-examination
When answering the following questions, be as honest with yourself as possible:
- Do you still have feelings for him?
Many beat their chests, claiming that they are ready for a divorce. But in fact, they do not need a divorce, but a professional psychotherapist. Since both partners in marriage experience strong affection for each other, while facing difficulties in the relationship – for the solution of which divorce is not necessary. After parting, they feel much worse, experiencing the loss of a partner.
- Were you really husband and wife?
Sometimes it happens that marriage, in fact, does not exist as such. People can raise children and live under the same roof. However, their relationship leaves much to be desired – there is no true “we”, everyone has their own life. In this case, divorce is likely to be the best option.
- Are you really ready for a divorce, or do you just want to shake his nerves a little?
A classic of the genre: spouses threaten each other with separation in family conflicts. The reasons are usually feelings of anger or disappointment, the desire to gain power, or to achieve from him any changes in the partner’s behavior.
- What are your true intentions?
Any desire, in addition to dissolution of marriage, indicates unwillingness to divorce. You can hope that after parting, he will change, stop drinking, smoking, will give a bouquet of roses every day and get the moon from the sky. But all this is not a good motivation. The only possible purpose of divorce is to end the marriage and make room for a new person.
- Can you really deal with the consequences?
Remember that the dissolution of a marriage always entails change. Do you have enough resources to cope with the changes in your life? Is there enough money? Do you have a roof over your head? Will you be able to manage your emotions, or will you plunge into the abyss of impenetrable depression? When deciding on a divorce, in many ways you need to remain pragmatic and not commit rash acts.
How to painlessly divorce your husband? A few good tips?
So, the final decision has been made, and you have already planned what, when and how: what you will tell your husband, when you will organize all the details and how the dissolution of the marriage will take place. At this stage, the following tips from psychologists may be useful:
- Don’t conflict. Yes, a lot of firewood can be broken on emotions. And then regret it. So if you have a choice – to quarrel or not, restrain yourself by all means and try not to expose yourself from an unworthy side. After all, a divorce can be accompanied by scandals, going to court, the intervention of relatives. Much better to resolve everything amicably.
- Try to negotiate everything without involving third parties. If we are talking about who the children will stay with, how the apartment, car or common business will be cut, it is better to agree among themselves without interfering with other people.
- If you can’t reach an agreement, seek professional help. Here you may need a number of specialists: they are lawyers, psychotherapists, perhaps even an accountant. Analyze your needs, study the market of specialists in this field and turn to the best.
- If you have to go to court, do not expect justice from the servants of the law. The job of a judge is to follow the prescribed legislation, and it is unlikely that any moral justice will be achieved. No matter how stupid your ex-husband is, we guarantee that the judges will not care. Do not waste time on empty attempts to prove your case; Better leave that to your lawyer.
- Put the kids first. Everyone talks about it, but few do it. Be one of those who are called a good mother – do what is best for the child, even if this decision hurts you.
- Remember that the more your divorce resembles the Third World War, the less likely you are to remain good parents. If everything is not settled peacefully now, in a few years it will be very difficult to be around during the graduation of your son or daughter. Or, for example, at their wedding.
- Get ready for a long process. Divorce is not a sprint, but a marathon. No matter how much you want this process to end quickly, in 99% of cases you don’t have to wait for this. Don’t worry too much; try to just go with the flow, letting go of the reins in a way.
- Prepare a speech for others in advance. Telling friends and family about your divorce will be difficult. Telling colleagues about this is painful. So think in advance about what exactly you will answer the questions “How are you?”, “How is Innokenty?” or “What’s new.”
- Be prepared to lose some friends. Yes, it’s terrible. Yes, it’s not fair. But some people will avoid you like the plague – like you have that bell ringing around your neck. Others will be lost in your presence, not knowing what to say; or just spout outright nonsense. In any case, after a divorce, you can definitely find out who is who.
- Take care of memorabilia and valuables. You don’t have to love your ex. And many recommend getting rid of everything that reminds you of the past as soon as possible. However, some things can actually be valuable. For example, photos of fathers-in-law who are no longer alive. Maybe you want to show this photo to your child in many years. Or, for example, the ring that your ex-husband gave you during your very first trip to your beloved country. No need to destroy everything left and right. Just isolate these things for a while; forget about them for now. In years to come, you will look at all these objects from the past much more calmly.
How to quickly normalize the psycho-emotional state?
This is one of the most important aspects. After a divorce, a woman feels broken, unattractive; persistent depression may occur, psychosomatic illnesses may become more active. To prevent this from happening, follow these helpful tips:
- Believe in the best and try to worry as little as possible. Yes, this life period is very difficult. But soon it will all be over. You will definitely survive and find your love. The important thing is that we can never return the time spent on experiences, suffering, pain. And in some cases, we can talk about the loss of health. Therefore, remember: divorce is a period when you need to be as concentrated and collected as possible. No matter how hard it is, focus on the positive, and then divorce will not be the end of life, but a rebirth to new happiness.
- Try to change your place of residence. That house or apartment where you were together will always remind you of the past. It may be hard for you to leave these walls now. But the time of living together is over. Living with memories is much harder than taking one decisive step and stop torturing yourself. Moreover, when you meet a new man, he is unlikely to want to see this house, where the very walls are saturated with the spirit of the past.
- Organize a support group. It can be one or two friends (girlfriends) who will support you with a kind word and just by their presence. Important: do not spend much time communicating with friends who are married. They will most likely not be able to understand you, and will inadvertently make you feel even worse. The ideal option is to communicate with those who are also divorced.
- Get involved in activities that will boost your self-esteem. You can run a half marathon, go on a trip. Sign up for interesting courses – photography, mountaineering or, say, dancing. Do these things, even if you don’t feel like it at all. Sooner or later it will still bear fruit.
- Focus on the big picture. Determine what is most important to you in the long run. And do not waste energy on those things that seem essential only now.
“I am free, like a bird in the sky…”. So?
The first thing you should agree with yourself in advance is about those restrictions that you should not break. The fact is that after parting, the temptation to indulge in all serious things increases very much. And often this leads to even greater disappointment. So that breaking “all the rules” does not lead to emptiness and depression, think in advance about what you will allow yourself to do, and what – under no circumstances.
Another important point. After a breakup, don’t surround yourself with weak-willed complaining girlfriends who will push you back into the web of past relationships. There are women who are used to living with their tyrants and manipulators; listening to them is like death.
Also exclude from your society desperate daredevil girls who will spin you in a string of adventures and trips to nightclubs. There is little healthy in their influence either.
If you stick to your own pre-established rules, you won’t lose yourself after a divorce. On the contrary, you will start a qualitatively new life.
To change yourself means to change your future
It is worth remembering that like always attracts like. This rule is postulated by psychologists and confirmed by practice. More than once you, too, could see such a situation: a girl divorces a cheating husband or an alcoholic. And six months later he finds exactly the same copy for himself – if not worse.
What does it say? Psychologists are convinced that we meet a partner with mirror qualities. So the folk wisdom about two boots that are a pair is not a fiction at all. But at the same time, it’s not enough to see your contribution to the relationship (although for many girls this is the comprehension of Zen in relationships). It is also important to recognize your own shortcomings, to work on transforming them into virtues, if this was not done in relations with your (already ex) husband. Otherwise, according to the law of similarity, you will attract exactly the same monster with which you fought such long and bloody battles.
Divorce should be an expression of your life wisdom, inner harmony and balance. If the separation takes place on a negative note, it is unlikely that after this it will be possible to create a relationship filled with understanding and love. How to divorce your husband and avoid mistakes: 10 practical tips?