How to get rid of an annoying mother-in-law forever and her influence? It would seem that the mother-in-law does not climb your relationship with your husband directly, you don’t even know what kind of things she can face. However, you seem to be trapped, directly or indirectly dependent on her mood.
The mother-in-law comes to you to help with business or to communicate with the grandchildren, but after that everything goes wrong in your family, your relationship with your husband deteriorates. Let’s see how you can limit yourself from an obsessive mother-in-law.
Who benefits from the situation when the mother-in-law is intrusive?
No matter how strange it may sound, but this is how to sit down. If the mother-in-law manifests a chaser obsession, constantly rushes into the howl of the family, then counter.
- Mother-in-law’s benefit.
Often, the mother-in-law manipulates her son on a sense of guilt or duty. She does everything possible so that he does not forget that “mother put her whole life on him.”
As a result, he feels a duty behind himself, constantly calls his mother, rushes to her first call.
If the mother-in-law enjoys unconditional authority with her son, then this situation is rather difficult. He consults with her on every occasion. On in the course where this is the case, it will be on the same page as the rescheduling. This is such a wise friend who unobtrusively shows you that you are not a competitor for her.
The mother-in-law subconsciously worries about the fact that you are unworthy of her son, you have taken your beloved boy from her life. She expected that now she could enjoy her power over her son, but then you come and destroy everything. She is in such a state of the victim, who, with her manipulation, has an obsessive effect on you and her son.
- Your husband’s benefit.
Perhaps your husband is socially or financially dependent on his mother. If you don’t see it, you should ask for it, which is guaranteed by the status of the person.
If the mother-in-law is in a state of sacrifice, then your quarrels with her help your husband get rid of the obsessive addiction. He finally said goodbye to internal discomfort, he directs his aggression not at his mother, a loved one, but at you.
Against the background of a close relationship with your mother, her constant interference in your life with your husband, your spouse is still in a state of the Oedipus complex, which he had to say goodbye to in early childhood.
On the other hand, there are two materials that are printed on it and on the heat of the day. That addiction carried over into your husband’s adult life.
No matter how strange it may seem, but your benefit is that you are in such a situation, too. Otherwise, you long ago decided the question that is destroying you.
Perhaps, as a child, you came across a wall of misunderstanding from the side of your parents. Now, as an adult, you unconsciously strive to return to that time and cleanly rewrite your childhood.
Maybe you unconsciously do not exclude the possibility of infidelity on the part of her husband. In this case, the obsession of the mother-in-law is a kind of guarantor of family life. She is not the most dangerous opponent of your relationship with your husband. You are more attractive and younger. She doesn’t pretend to be you. An obsessive mother-in-law seems to protect your union from the appearance of other women.
How to get rid of an annoying mother-in-law forever?
First of all, analyze, find out why you are in this situation. Why you benefit from being a victim. It is possible to say that they are in the same position, so that you do not have to worry about two of the languages and interests.
- Recognize the problem.
An important step towards solving a problem lies in its awareness. Start to be realized as a woman, as a professional. Sozdai see the situation, so that you can see the profiles. In this way, you can raise your self-esteem.
- Raise your own worth.
Reserve the right to decide important issues. Understand that this is your family and your life. Start living your own life. Do everything possible so that you have at least small, but achievements. This will strengthen your self-esteem. If you have too much of an interest, you should not worry about the interest.
- Discuss the issue of obsessive mother-in-law with your husband.
Let your husband know what you are not comfortable with in this situation. Talk about your feelings, speak from the “I-position”. Don’t move into “he” and “she” positions. During the conversation, do not deny the fact of the importance of the mother-in-law.
Get ready for the conversation. Men are logical. Don’t get down on EMOs. It will only hurt. Clearly, point by point, tell me what does not suit you, and what you see as ways to solve the situation.
Try to create a family contract. Discuss it in the “we and our family” frame. Do not put ultimatums: “either I, or your mother.” Without infringing on your own interests, since you are ready to help your mother-in-law, minimize as much as possible her her her her her her appe
- Try to find your mother-in-law something to do.
It is possible that the mother-in-law fills the entire space with herself not from evil. This happens against the backdrop of some internal trauma. She needs help. Usually at this age people are looking for something to do, spiritual development.
Offer mother-in-law development opportunities, maybe it’s religion, some courses that develop the internal state. You need her to switch from your family to herself. Perhaps this is the realization of some talents, creativity. This usually works.
- Set boundaries.
An obsessive mother-in-law has no boundaries at all. If you are afraid to say “no” out of politeness, then it will be everywhere. Moreover, she sincerely believes that all this is good, and you are an “ungrateful daughter-in-law.”
Be prepared that when you start building a distance, the mother-in-law will start to take offense. It`s naturally. Once and for all, make it clear that yes, you are a mother, a close relative of your husband and grandchildren. No, there is a private space that no one is allowed in.
Obsessive mothers-in-law do not understand this. They sincerely believe that you are one big family, that she is at the head of the clan. Remember that in your house there should be only your rules, which your husband should convey to his mother. It will be harder for you to do it.
Realize that you can’t please everyone. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to make a person not offended. Otherwise, you will have to sink to the level of a slave, completely lose yourself.
- But it leads to a scandal.
Be patient, this is not about literally enduring all actions and unworthy behavior towards yourself. Patience is closer to wisdom, acceptance. It is only that which is written, that is written, so that it is possible to see it. Mommy you two
- Don’t live in the same area.
Even if the husband’s parents have an excellent country two-story dom, do not live with them on the same territory. This is a utopia. Let you have a small apartment, but your own, where you will build a family nest.
In your home, everything belongs only to you: all things, the kitchen. And the mother-in-law, coming once a week to visit, will not be able to behave in a businesslike way. It’s just not her territory. In your parents’ house, you don’t have the right to make your own rules.
- Don’t turn your husband against your mother.
He still won’t take your side. A man in such a situation will be torn between two fires, between two women important to him. You will turn out to be an enemy for his beloved mother. The husband in this situation is led by unconditional love.
Rather, a spouse with a pain in his heart will break off relations with you. Because she is his mother, blood is tied here. Therefore, never embark on the path of open warfare.
If when communicating with your mother-in-law you receive only negativity, then limit this communication. No in any situation, strive for peace, because mother has a great influence on her son. Be smart, try to find in the face of your mother-in-law not a rival, but a comrade-in-arms. Then he will do his best to save your marriage.