How to get rid of emotional dependence on your husband – advice from a psychologist? Love is a relationship between two people based on mutual feelings, trust, affection, when both partners listen to each other, take care of each other, take into account each other’s needs and desires.
Being in a love relationship is a powerful resource, thanks to which you not only receive emotional support, but also develop as a person, strive for self-actualization, often having a reliable partner helps you develop professionally, gives you strength, confidence, courage to make decisions, take the initiative . Love gives a sense of security and reliability in the future.
Differences between love and addiction
And where emotionally it is difficult to understand that it is possible to prevent it. Being in such a relationship, on the contrary, your circle of social contacts narrows, self-development stops, you refuse self-actualization and self-realization outside of these relationships.
Instead of a sense of security, there is anxiety, a negative way of thinking, a fear of losing these relationships, you are in a situation of constant stress and emotional “swing” – from euphoria to depression and vice versa.
One of the main signs that distinguishes love from addiction is the inability to be without a partner, alone with yourself or with other people. Separation causes anxiety, resentment, irritation and is experienced as something painful, like emptiness.
Signs of emotional-addiction
You can determine if you have an emotional addiction by the following signs:
- you are not interested in those who are interested, but you are not aware of them;
- you stopped communicating with friends, relatives, work colleagues, acquaintances with whom you shared interihi;
How to get rid of love addiction?
- you often feel jealousy, not only for other women, but also for the fact that a man spends time communicating with his relatives and friends;
- You are trying to control your partner – His social circle, correspondence on social networks, how and with whom he spends his free time;
- you, when talking about some things, often say “we”, instead of “I” or “he”;
- it’s hard for you to say “no” even when you don’t want to do something, and when, nevertheless, you refuse, you begin to feel guilty and try to make amends for it;
- it seems impossible for you to tell him that you do not like something in his behavior;
- it seems to you that if you do something wrong, it can lead to the disappointment of a man and parting;
- you are often visited by negative thoughts, fear of parting, you think about problems in a relationship that has not yet arrived;
- your self-esteem directly depends on the opinion of a man, you constantly need his approval;
- you think about what a man wants, but forget about your desires and needs;
- you can’t imagine how you will live without a man, all your plans and desires are connected only with these relations.
Causes of emotional-addiction
The tendency to emotional addiction has nothing to do with a particular man, so even after breaking up with him, you are likely to immediately “jump” into other relationships that will also be based on addiction.
This is because the causes of addiction are in you, in your past negative experience. Of course, each case, like each person, is unique, but there are some general trends. Very often, EMO-rational dependence on a man is formed against the background of attachment disorders in childhood.
When a child was raised by an emotionally cold, distant mother (or other significant adult) who did not listen to the child’s needs and desires, did not give him support and a sense of security, or was herself anxious, dependent on the child or husband, perceived the world as something dangerous and hostile.
Growing up, such a child is in dire need of realization of the need for security and acceptance, runs away from loneliness, does not know how to be independent, is not ready to make decisions and take responsibility for them. He needs to “stick” to another who will make up for his childhood pain.
It is very important to realize the cause of that childhood trauma, recognize it, work it out, forgive your mother and learn to look for support and love not only in another person, but also in yourself, because now you are an adult and you can protect yourself, support, take care of yourself.
How to get rid of emotional-rational addiction?
There are several steps that will help you overcome your emotional dependence and learn how to build sincere relationships built on Love:
- acknowledge the presence of emotional dependence and understand that it is not so scary, it is just a problem that needs to be worked on to strengthen your relationship;
- Work on increasing your Self-esteem – shift the priority of your partner’s opinion to your own opinion of yourself, praise yourself more often and support;
- analyze your goals and desires – which of them belong to you, and which to a man;
- learn to say “no”, it’s okay not to want something, and you don’t need to ask for forgiveness and look for excuses for it;
- restore the lost part of your life – communication with friends, relatives, hobbies;
- realize that independence and freedom are not the path to loneliness, but Skills, thanks to which we are able to build Strong partnerships;
- realize that your life is not limited to one role (wife, mother or lover) – you are a complex, multifaceted person who has many roles and in each you can be realized;
- You should try to save and brat that you shouldn’t forget about it.
- remember what you dreamed about, what you wanted to learn, what new things you wanted to try – do it, preferably on your own, without trying to involve a partner in this activity;
- you learn to control your way of thinking – when negative emotions, fears, jealousy appear, do not let them capture you, remind yourself what the reason for these thoughts is, because it is in your childhood experience, and not in the behavior of a man;
- Do not be afraid to ask a man for help – talk about your feelings, problems, the reasons for your jealous or controlling behavior.
What will happen to the relationship?
It is important to understand that if you are emotionally dependent on a man, this does not mean that there is no love in this relationship. And this does not mean that, having got rid of addiction, you will definitely part. To get rid of your EMO-rational addiction is to shed the husk behind which true feelings are hidden.
Having given up dependence, You will understand whether You really Love this man, or attachment to him was Only an escape from loneliness. If there is a place for love, then your relationship will move to a new qualitative level – where there is partnership, trust, freedom, personal growth and emotional support.