How to get rid of hatred towards an ex-friend and why it is important? Quite often, people begin to hate their former lovers. Is it normal that you don’t understand it? What is hate? Where does she come from? Is it possible to say that it is not possible to have a dog and where is it?
Hatred from the point of view of psychology
Hatred is a negative, destructive feeling that manifests itself in the form of hidden aggression towards a person or group.
Even though hatred is close to anger, they have a difference. Firstly, anger is an emotion, so it arises in a specific situation, when someone violates your personal rules. Once the EMOtion “comes out” outside, it subsides.
Hatred is an attitude towards a certain person, regardless of what actions he performs. It is of a longer duration.
If you hate some person, no matter how many good deeds he does, it will be difficult for you to change your feelings.
From the point of view of evolution, hatred was formed as a protective mechanism of the psyche. The negative attitude towards “enemies” prompted a person to destroy them, while not experiencing pangs of conscience.
But modern reality shows that people more often hate those whom they once loved, took for “their own”. No wonder there is an opinion that love and hate are inextricably linked with each other.
In 2008, a large-scale hate study was conducted using functional MRI. London scientists have determined which parts of the brain are activated when a person thinks about someone he hates.
Research has shown that:
- with hatred, the same brain structures are activated as with love;
- the stronger the hatred, the stronger these parts of the brain work;
- There are also differences: With hatred, the systems responsible for critical thinking are also activated, while with love this does not happen.
This suggests that when you think about the person you love, your critical thinking is reduced, you do not notice his shortcomings, you cannot objectively evaluate his actions, words, life position.
Psychology of relationships: hatred for the former
Interestingly, it is possible to procure as long as it is unknown. Critical thinking is so involved that you question every step and deed of the human of the century.
For example, if your lover says that he does not like children, you may not take it seriously, start looking for excuses for him, think that he is just joking, or decide that he may be right.
But if the person you hate says that he loves children and even volunteers at a shelter, the brain will begin to question this information.
You will think that this person is either lying, or doing it for his own benefit, or out of guilt, etc. Not before you are born, not before you are born.
Hatred for a former friend
If you’re wondering if it’s okay or not to hate an ex-boyfriend, then the answer is simple: You are entitled to all the feelings that you experience. Even negative emotions are normal, they carry a certain function and have been developed by evolution, do not happen by chance.
Knowing the nature of hatred, you can already understand why it appeared. Friendship, from the point of view of your brain, is the same love, just without physical attraction and just romantic.
Hate often comes after love has gone. It Happens Because When You Loved, You Couldn’t See Other Person’s Shortcomings And You Expected Other Behavior, Other Feelings From Him. And then, often as a result of betrayal or resentment, love passes.
And you suddenly see all the negative stories of your loved one. Your critical thinking is aimed at him as a target, you begin to exaggerate his shortcomings and reduce two hundred.
First of all, deal with the reason why you had a feeling of hatred for an ex-friend, this may
- betrayal of a friend – on committed an act that crossed out your trust in him;
- the insult that a friend inflicted – said or did something that brought you mental suffering, pain;
- parting with him – a person crossed you out of the list of his friends, thereby devaluing your connection and this is plibrichin.
In any case, hatred does not arise from scratch. If you hate someone, then this person is not indifferent to you, you have intense feelings for him.
How to stop hating and whether to do it?
To get rid of hatred or not is only your decision. Each person has the right to think badly about another, not to communicate with him, not to consider a former friend reliable, and art.
To better understand yourself, you need:
- clearly define whether you feel hatred or just anger – the latter is a response to some action of a former friend, and passes if you let the anger come out, speak out. Whereas hatred is a persistent feeling of disgust and hostility towards a person;
- think about how this hatred affects your life – it is quite normal to hate the person who caused you pain and suffering, but if you can’t move on after stopping contact with a former friend, then you are “stuck” in your hatred;
- analyze the reason for your hatred, is it so rational or is your critical thinking exaggerating the problem too much – sometimes friendship goes away, sometimes people hurt each other, although they don’t want to. It doesn’t make them good or bad, it just makes them human;
- think about how you can “close the gestalt” – if your hatred is strong, then there are unexplained contradictions between you and your friend, an unfinished conflict. There is a high probability that you did not understand what was happening, but simply stopped communicating;
- try to put yourself in the place of a former friend and understand what he is experiencing, what were the reasons for his post. It is important for you to see not only the negative sides of a friend, but also to remember the good that was in him, and it definitely was since you were friends;
- It is possible to protect yourself – you will be on contact with the patient and you will be able to protect yourself. Do not “attack” him, but show understanding, tell about your feelings, be ready to admit and your mistakes;
- if this is not possible, you can do it yourself – talk through the situation, come to terms with the past and morally let this person out of your life, experiencing understanding, sympathy for him and gratitude, if not for friendship, then for the lesson you learned.
Only you can decide whether or not to forgive another person. First of all, focus on finding inner harmony. To hate the one who hurt is a normal reaction. But the main thing is that this hatred does not destroy your personality and does not darken your life.