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The finale of the novel is clearly looming on the horizon and something needs to be done urgently? Or maybe you are winding yourself up and with your suspicions and “let’s talk” will only make it worse?
The content of the article
We are all used to seeking advice and help from third parties when it comes to relationships. Sometimes it is really sobering: the merciless hand of a friend rips off your rose-colored glasses, pushes you out of the window of your castle in the air and here you are lying on the gray asphalt of reality. It hurts, sadly and unbearably want to sob. Or kill (the degree of your cruelty also depends on the regular mood swings and the success of today’s makeup).
We will always turn to friends, mothers and other trusted persons for help. Get advice, talk it out, cry in a vest – it’s useful. But do not forget that the full picture of the relationship is visible only to you. Therefore, read our “symptoms” and critically assess the situation with your beloved.
Back to the Future
When he tells you about his plans for life, does he include you? “I want to move abroad, it will be better for me there” or “Maybe we should think about emigrating?”? How often does “we” appear in his reasoning? If a man is serious and plans to continue to share a refrigerator, bed and living space with his lady, then he subconsciously uses the plural when talking about his plans, dreams and goals.
Do you discuss your plans at all? If trust and the desire to share the most intimate have disappeared between partners, then problems are inevitable.
And speak and be silent
Are you comfortable talking to each other? Not about the weather, not about what to cook for dinner, but in general? Do you talk about everything and nothing at once, as in the first days of dating? If the answer is yes, you are on the right track. If you can’t remember the last time you joked together, said stupid things, discussed movies at the cinema, and argued about the ending of Game of Thrones, then you should sit down and talk. And it’s not about nonsense.
Another important indicator is that you should be comfortable in silence. Surely, you have friends with whom every exit “to people” is torture. It seems to be fun with her, you can spend the whole day running around the shops / riding a bike, etc., but you get tired of communicating with her. And long pauses in the conversation leave a feeling of awkwardness and a desire to add cognac to a cup of coffee.
And there are such friends and girlfriends with whom it is simply comfortable to be silent. Silently sip latte, admiring the view from the window. Just sit in the park and think. Each about their own. But you are so comfortable in this silence! You don’t have to start a lively conversation. But you don’t need it. With this person, you don’t have to pretend, put on a mask, and frantically exterminate awkward pauses.
You communicate with both words and thoughts.
This is what harmonious relationships between people look like.
He/she pisses you off
If your jokes annoy him, you hate his way of speaking, and it’s literally hard for you to be with each other, then a serious problem has ripened. Cooling feelings, unspoken grievances – you have to deal with this.
Sex
We don’t think it’s worth explaining. Of course, if you initially did not have a great sexual appetite, then your desire to spend joint evenings dressed looks quite natural.
If one of you or both of you now and then shirk sex, or do it like brushing your teeth, there is a problem.
A separate point: if this was preceded by serious emotional upheavals, stress at work, and so on, then you should enlist the support of each other. Do not blame, do not threaten and do not issue ultimatums. Talk sincerely and in a calm atmosphere.
Doesn’t try
Do all girls pamper their boyfriends with perfect skin smoothness and lacy lingerie 24/7? After a certain time, both the guy and the girl often relax and stop so actively “winning” each other, as they did at the beginning of the novel.
What does this include besides stretched sportswear and “grandmother’s” panties?
You stopped striving to please each other. Prepare a gourmet dinner and please him after a hard day? To hell with it, there are dumplings in the freezer. Give her flowers? I gave it to her just recently. Well, almost recently. So, last year I definitely gave her something.
When this trepidation leaves the relationship, they are threatened with at least a crisis, at a maximum – disintegration.
Express test
The more positive answers are typed, the less positive forecast is prepared for your relationship.
- Annoyance with a partner for no reason. He was not rude, did not offend, and did not forget to lower the toilet seat. He just annoys you with everything that you recently liked about him: his attitude to life, your relationships, his sense of humor, style of dress and behavior.
- In separation, you do not miss each other, but rather try to delay the moment of reunion.
- You constantly argue, even over any trifle (splash out negativity), or, on the contrary, do not enter into discussions at all (this person is no longer so nice and dear to you, and therefore his opinion, in general, does not interest you).
- Intuition. Rumors about female intuition are not without reason: if the sixth sense persistently whispers that the matter smells of fried, you should stop and listen to it.
- Do depression, apathy, despondency arise before meeting with a partner and disappear when you are with him? Great sign. If antidepressants lose all their effect when you meet a man in the evening, then the reason is not PMS or bad weather.
To love is to want to touch. This is a very short test to test your sexual relationship.
Everything about how to break off relations if there is absolutely nothing to save, we will tell in the next article.
5 signs for breaking up a relationship [Psych2Go на русском]
