How to live with your husband’s parents if they called – what to do? The age-old problem of relationships in the “fathers and sons” bond becomes as acute as possible when representatives of families with different ways of life, traditions, and, possibly, national mentalities gather under one roof.
You are faced with a dilemma: to rent an apartment (house) after the wedding in order to equip your own paradise in a hut with your sweetheart, or to get everything ready, but under the auspices of the mother-in-law, who has already established her own rules for existence at the hearth. Let’s delve into the second option with passion, try to outline the pros and cons of this seemingly easier decision to live without heavy household chores and getting bogged down in the inability to solve everyday problems.
Dealing with the question of whether to move in
Before plunging into the midst of all the pros and cons of living with your husband’s parents, it would be nice to answer the question, is it worth it at all. And here is our point of view. Joint living is fully justified if:
- If two of them are born in the Drugom Region, then they are allowed to eat, and that they are not in the same place.
- you and your young spouse are students, students of a certain institution with a lot of lectures, seminars, practical classes, when you really need to look after your life, and deftly take care of a man;
- your future mother-in-law has no other support than the only son – your spouse, she is not young and not very healthy, she has all the conditions for your living together, an agreeable friendly character, do not separate her from her beloved blood abruptly;
- after some time, a baby should appear in your just nascent cell, and your mother, for some reason, will not be able to be around at least at first;
- both you and the newly-born spouse are completely far from cooking, the art of putting clothes in order, cleaning and other household chores, while the mother-in-law expresses an active readiness to shoulder all this;
- you sincerely like your “second mother” this sympathy is mutual, you quickly found a common language, assigned responsibilities and are not jealous of the man whom both love passionately for each other;
- national traditions of the family do not give young people a chance to live separately, from time immemorial the youngest (eldest) son is responsible for old parents, choosing a future husband – you a priori accepted these rules.
All of these reasonable arguments have a negative counterweight. The case when it is better for a young family to live in a rented modest communal apartment. To be happy in a house in the village, left after the grandmother and not having special amenities.
To endure adversity in a student hostel, but anywhere, but not with her husband’s parents.
The arguments are simple. Joint life will definitely not work out in the following situations:
- trouble lives in the husband’s family, a brother (sister) or one of the older relatives is seriously ill, they require constant attention and care, material investments, be honest and adult, if you are not ready to provide effective assistance, do not burden the new relatives additionally with your own problems;
- your chosen one did not have the happiest childhood and youth, parents have marginal inclinations, do not part with a bottle or other bad inclinations, and your husband is surprisingly far from all these abominations and wants to break out of a vicious environment;
- the living conditions of the father-in-law and mother-in-law are so unadapted to a prosperous existence in general that “extra mouths”, “freeloaders”, children striving to “sit on other people’s shoulders and hang legs” will turn all this into a completely hopeless hell;
We live with his mother
- you and your husband’s parents have such different views on life that you barely politely endure each other for several minutes when you meet, such a picture does not promise life without constant quarrels and scandals, it’s time for you and your husband to grow up and solve your housing issues without the help of elders.
Having decided on the question: is it worth living with the ancestors of a “big and friendly company” by choosing an experimental path and the answer is “yes”, we are ready to try, learn some new rules.
The mother-in-law is always right, and if not right, see point 1
You should not start life in the mother-in-law’s house in order to destroy the old foundations, carry out renovations in someone else’s monastery, and continue to try to force everyone to dance to your tune.
We girls don’t like notations so much: you’ll live with mine, baby, you’ll understand that I was right. We want to destroy the old world to the ground, but is it worth it to hurry with it.
Experienced daughters-in-law frankly admit to you: the mother-in-law is quite often oh, how right. Rarely wants a bad revenge, mixed with squabbles and pain. If you didn’t get a sworn enemy fighting for power over your son as a second mother, sound compromises are possible, the win is mutual.
The basis of good equal relations with the mistress in the husband’s house is based on sincerity, decency, the desire to understand and accept, the ability to listen and hear. Call the crepe the druzhbu so that it is possible to say that the prices are:
- do not believe in the saying: 2 cooks cannot be at the same stove, take on those dishes that you have been preparing for a long time and successfully, learn the secrets of cooking with enthusiasm, if the older woman owns them;
- do not rush into battle if, in your opinion, your mother’s advice turns the appearance of your son into a laughing stock, dress your beloved calmly and reasonably, show examples of successful bows (images, ensembles), advise your father-in-law how to rejuvenate his image;
- discuss with your mother-in-law the series, books, theatrical performances you like, and then you look at the premiere or exhibition with her, which will undoubtedly strengthen relations;
- change the mode of life in the house to a more advanced, youthful, stylish rhythm slowly, take the best from the retrograde past, teach your husband’s parents about electronic innovations and their advantages, they will definitely apply and appreciate it;
- do not sit with a “sour face” if guests from among elderly acquaintances of the mother-in-law and father-in-law came to the house, because all of us, too, will someday acquire the sweet habits and habits of old people, be patient and condescending, this visit is not eternal;
- do not pout offendedly when your husband’s parents ask you to return from a party not in the morning, they disturb you at a party with calls when you go home, you will also have offspring, whose safety will be under your control until they are old;
- accept loved ones, and these are the parents of your beloved husband, as they are, if they treat you warmly, but a little ineptly, both sides will quickly adapt to minor disagreements and roughness.
Unfortunately, in that life, which is said to be more multifaceted than any fiction, there are also crisis m. The experience of living under the roof of your husband’s parental home should be stopped as soon as possible if:
- the mother-in-law tries in every possible way to humiliate and insult you and your parents;
- the husband turned out to be a “mummy’s boy”, which is clearly a loss of any independence for your family;
- The Newly Appeared Grandmother Criticizes all your inclinations to take care of the born baby and removes you from communicating with him for any reason;
- You were there and it wasn’t any longer than that.
- the husband’s mother knows no bounds in her curiosity, sticks her nose with advice into your intimate life, tactlessly appears in the bedroom of the young in the middle of the night for no good reason;
- the mother-in-law compulsively manipulates her husband and tries to do the same with you and with your companion, does not put you in anything, literally prevents you from living the way you want.
To live life is not a field to cross. Each of us has our own reasons to seek shelter in the house of our husband’s parents. A wise woman will try to adapt until circumstances change for the better and she has her own roof over her head.
A stubborn, poorly educated young lady will stand in a pose, will prove her own and can ruin relations in her husband’s father’s house so much that he will look at her with completely different, sober eyes.
Which strategy you choose, you will have to decide on your own. In the meantime, bake a sweet cake, make tea for the whole family and try to correct the mistakes if you have already made them. Life is long, the earth is round, and evil and good tend to return like a boomerang to the one who gave birth to them.