How to love a man for who he is? The anecdote immediately comes to mind: “Only the military registration and enlistment office can accept a man as he is.” In general, if no jokes, then the question itself is, let’s say, incomplete – it lacks specifics.
Questions for subject reasoning
- What man?
- What exactly should be taken?
- When should you not wait for a person to change?
- When is it important to say what does not suit a man? etc.
Agree, probably, there are no such people who will sacrifice something for the sake of another – without return. One way or another, but a person is waiting for compensation for his concessions. Also in relationships – before accepting a man completely, it is important to answer the question: “What are the pros and cons of character and behavior in question?”.
The main thing about acceptance
Acceptance refers to psychological terms and implies the recognition of objective reality – what is in fact, without thinking and any kind of embellishment. If we talk about a person, it means that he is accepted completely as a whole person with all its advantages and disadvantages, negative and positive qualities.
It will not be difficult for you to guess that in cases where there is a sample: this suits you, but you want to exclude the other, there can be no question of any acceptance.
If we decompose this term into components and see how it can fit into the objective reality of building interpersonal relationships, then it will most likely turn out that many people do not accept each other, but try to remake it, adjusting it to suit themselves.
“Lovepsychologys” demonstrates a clingy muscle on a clear primer.
- Imagine that you come to a store with a large assortment of fruits. Let’s say you have to choose a pineapple. Soglasi, by Io by Krainene more strange, it is by you that is not present in the present day. On the contrary, you will choose the best one available to your choice.
Arriving home, having peeled, you found that the fruit was rotten. Of course, you can cut off the spoiled sections, and still eat what is left, but will you please? Most likely not, because you were counting on one thing, but you got something completely different.
The same thing happens with people: someone turns out to be rotten, another “green” third – insipid and boring, the fourth – so “sour” that it even reduces the cheekbones. Now just think about it – we would suggest that you accept people as they are they are.
What do you do when you can’t accept someone for who they are?
That is, this is equivalent to Tom, if we said: “eat and get taste pleasure from spoiled Pineapple – you chose it yourself.” Agree, but such an approach is absurd.
Your personal electronic psychologist “Samka” wants to convey a key idea – before taking something, it is important to understand how it fits with your worldview and whether there will be a feeling of “bending” which, in turn, will begin to emit negative emotions and all sorts of destructive thoughts.
Learn to ask the right questions
What are we talking about? Everything is quite simple – the right question, gives the right answer. We To the fact that to sum up the above, it turns out that the initially withered topic in itself is not entirely correct. Therefore, if “Samka” started from this, then instead of an answer, you would receive misinformation.
Just imagine: a man who is lazy, irresponsible, cheating, aggressive or addicted – a man who, in fact, has nothing of merit. The question is, do you really need such “happiness”? No thought…
If you push away from this, it turns out that the question that is relevant for you will sound like this:
- When merits prevail, how to learn to accept flaws and not try to remake a man?
You can see for yourself – we “modified” the question, making significant adjustments. And now he played in a completely new way.
Acceptance as the ability to prioritize and negotiate
Again, look, everything is very individual, and as they say, everyone has their own preferences. One woman will never be with a walking man, and the other will learn to turn a blind eye to his adventures. For some, addictions will not be a catalyst for a breakup, while others are not ready to play the role of a rescuer, and so on.
As you can see, it’s all about prioritization and what’s behind it. The fact is that it is in this room, that is, that the people who live there are the ones who are behind it. But if you look, the rapprochement is only because something clings to us; something in a person seems valuable to us.
The analogy goes with distancing – we see what is unacceptable for us, and we don’t like it, and accordingly we don’t let a person into our personal emotional space.
How to love a man for who he is?
We would even say how to weigh for ourselves all the “Pros” and “Cons” of feelings for this man.
- No compare with exes or husbands of girlfriends
This is fraught with the creation of a collective image. In fact, there is some kind of idealization when it seems that everyone is lucky with men, but not you. Moreover, comparing with the former, you somehow push away from something positive and good, but at the same time you forget about the factors of parting.
In this case, it is important to come to the realization that there are no ideal people. And if you are an honest girl, first of all in front of you, then you understand that you also have “jambs”. For example, you are often late, and your loved one does not say anything about this. Or often Do you like to spend time with friends, and he is calm about it – That is, he cannot stand the brain that you devote your time to Only Him.
- Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics
Let’s say you like order, but your man is not so neat: he scatters things, often he is not able to wash the plate after him, or at least bring it to the sink, and so on. And it’s not even that he’s a slob – just a man, for example, he can, according to the modality of perception, be kinesthetic
Or, in the man’s family, no special attention was paid to maintaining order, and he was simply used to behaving like that. Constant claims and pointing out shortcomings, as a rule, do not give the desired result – you need to be able to negotiate.
Let’s say you don’t pay attention to his inaccuracy, he, in turn, can’t stand your brain because of those “braids”. Recognize that you also have something that he does not like.
- Not preceded and not adjust to yourself
It happens that a woman next to her wants to see at the same time a strong man, but at the same time, so that he is henpecked, that is, by a wave he fulfills all her whims, but this, our dear reader, does not happen. Therefore, if your man is a man with a core, you should not change him. Just take this to as a fact.
Write down for yourself all the key advantages of a man. Thus, there is a fixation on positive aspects, and, as you understand, you don’t want them at all.
- Make a list of advantages and disadvantages
To begin with, start with what you do not like in a man. If it is 1-0 to 5-0, then it is real and that is what you want. Five indicates that you are categorically not ready to put up with something.
Next, try to disassemble each item from the list into components. To it isn’t possible to say that “you’re not here.” Look, for example, each person has different rhythms of life – one is an “owl” and the other is a “lark”. Your rhythms don’t match.
It is easy to guess that in this situation, certain kinds of inconsistencies may arise in your life: one will interfere with comfortable falling asleep in the evening – the other will start waking you up early in the morning. In this case, it is important not to change the partner for yourself, and look for ways out – for example, use earplugs and in some cases sleep in different rooms.
If we talk about the list of advantages, then it will be fundamental. Again, if you focus on it, and not on the list of shortcomings, then the process of acceptance will gradually begin. The prevailing qualities as a “+” sign will automatically begin to zero out what did not suit you, and voila, as a result – complete complete.
Summary by topic
Our dear reader, as you yourself have already seen, the instructions for adoption are quite concise, but capacious. We also focus your attention again – it is important to identify those key factors that you can never accept, and to establish, in general, whether you are comfortable with a person, or whether the relationship is more like life on a volcano.
From our point of view, there is a cool expression: “It is not enough to have a beautiful wrapper. You need to have tasty stuffing.” It’s the same in relationships – people try for years to accept those who are not their person. That is why “Samka” paid so much attention to the topic of acceptance – it’s like a hint to you: is it worth taking nujit at all?