How to make him back off? Every person has experienced jealousy. And everyone is jealous in one way or another. Everyone knows perfectly well that jealousy is initially a pathological feeling, only someone copes with it and does not interfere with their soul mate, and someone cannot sleep, as if lice are eating him. However, jealousy within a couple is a natural and expected phenomenon, which cannot be said about completed relationships when the former is still jealous.
Jealousy – a pathology or a norm?
Jealousy itself is completely neutral. It can both show the presence of feelings and destroy them. It makes people aware of many things in their relationships. Jealous, a person understands that a partner is needed, not indifferent, loved. But often people are mistaken in their judgments, and jealousy becomes a real scourge. Ownership, selfishness, distrust are frequent companions of jealousy. They poison the existence of the couple and destroy the relationship.
Jealousy, which does not have an evidence base, that is, arising out of the blue, is especially terrible. At first, such jealousy does not cause negative emotions, but gradually the victim begins to be burdened by such relationships, they are annoying and. gradually, there is a quiet hatred for a jealous partner. Of course, such relationships cease to exist, unless the victim is tied to the tyrant by some obligations. The most nasty and not having the right to exist is the jealousy of the former.
Reasons for jealousy
Jealousy of the former has many reasons. All of them have an explanation, but they hardly have the right to exist. After all, the very concept of “former” already implies the absence of property rights. So why do exes keep being jealous?
Reason 1: dots over “i”
Many couples live in a “collapse – convergence” mode. In this context, this phrase has nothing to do with cars. It should be understood that people sometimes diverge, then converge. If a couple practices this type of relationship, then it is very difficult to take parting 100%. Most likely, the former will think that this is another run-up, and in a week or two everything will return to normal.
It takes a lot of effort to let your ex know that the relationship is over forever. Of course, having got used to the endless running in a circle, the former will continue to wait for his beloved, along the way, taking out her brain with his jealousy. And if the lady dared to make a new friend, then keep the former seven.
Conclusion: in order to avoid this, it is necessary to clearly and firmly tell the person that the relationship is no more. And in no case do not give a reason to think differently. No calls, instant messengers, requests for help in something. That’s it, the person is no longer around, and you need to learn to live without him. You should not forget about the manipulations by the former with the same set: calls, messages, requests for help. Ideally, change your phone number altogether, or blacklist your ex-partner.
Reason 2: He is the owner
There is nothing worse when possessive manners manifest themselves not only in relation to personal things, but also to others. The owners do not hesitate to say that the person belongs to them, and with such an intonation, as if it were an inanimate object. In the case of the former, the situation takes on a monstrous scale in terms of the fact that they cannot come to terms with the loss of their favorite “toy”.
When the former is jealous, he always thinks that his beloved was much better with him, that he did this and that, this and that. The thought that she is probably much better now in a new relationship disgusts the former, arousing more and more bouts of jealousy.
Reason 3: manipulator and blackmailer
Relationship manipulation is inevitable. Everything is manipulated. But there is a difference between harmless manipulation and mocking tricks, when the victim of manipulation just starts to go crazy. The toughest candibobers that the former go for is the threat of suicide. This is the most common feature among abandoned bitches.
There is only one way out: do not bother with their tantrums and threats. It is unlikely that they will bring their threats to execution – the gut is thin. As a “response” you can send a rope and soap by mail.
All that a manipulator needs is to once again make sure that his fate is still worrying, they are worried and worried about him. It is very difficult to get out of the web of intrigues of the manipulator, but it is possible. The main thing is just not to react to his attempts. Let him do whatever he wants: hang himself, drown himself, open himself. It’s his business.
But the manipulator may still have trump cards: joint savings or something similar that can keep the ex-partner on a short leash. It is more difficult here, because it is very easy to lose some benefits. This is in the category of blackmail. The danger is that many of these threats can be activated, and often do.
For example, damage to a car, things, apartment. Of course, the former is aware that this is a criminally punishable act, but he cannot do anything with himself, because he, due to constant jealousy, began to have mental disorders.
Reason 4: mental disorders
No, this is not about the pathological condition of the former from the point of view of psychiatry. Of course, it was possible to run into a real schizophrenic, and even get married and have children from him, but such cases are rare. We are talking about clouding of consciousness when the former is jealous. Such jealousy, which leads to a violation of law and order, is a frequent occurrence among people with a hysterical temperament.
Of course, it is not pleasant to continue coddling the hysterical woman, but one cannot do without a conversation. Yes, you will have to make contact, because finding a broken car in the morning is not pleasant enough. You just need to talk in such a way that the former understands that illegal actions will lead him to the courtroom. Usually, such conversations have an impact and cool the ardor of the hysteroid.
Reason 5: true love?
No matter how much you would like to justify the saying “jealous – it means he loves”, you still have to recall that true love does not go hand in hand with jealousy. True love is an altruistic feeling. A loving person will never show selfishness towards a partner, as he strives to make the life of a loved one bright and joyful. The very thought of causing a bad mood or causing moral pain is disgusting.
Of course, a loving person, who truly loves, will never blame a partner for cheating. He will simply go aside, preferring the happiness of his beloved, scoring himself. No, a respectful person, of course, will simply end such a relationship, not allowing himself to be humiliated. And sometimes in such a situation, the former does not look into the eyes of his still passion.
Those who prefer to endure endless sprees, forgiving the “walker” every time, are not much different from a tyrant. He also keeps close to him, turns into a sufferer, seeks to bind a partner with a false sense of guilt.
Reason 6: Realizing the mistake
It also happens that a former partner, acting as the initiator of a breakup, and even having a new relationship, appears on the horizon after a very long time. This happens because there is a comparative analysis of past and present relationships. And if this comparison is not in favor of a new relationship, then the former begins to realize his mistake and may attempt to return.
He is especially infuriated by the fact that the ex-girlfriend has already found someone for herself, and now all the goodies go to the “new one”. Of course, it is very difficult to endure this, and jealousy begins to bloom violently.
The reasons for the jealousy of the former is a real vicious circle. One reason follows or gives rise to another. As a result, analyzing each of them, it becomes clear that, in principle, these are not 5 different reasons, but a combination for one.
It is very difficult to break this vicious circle, and sometimes incredible efforts are required in order to get rid of the obsessive, invisible presence of the former. But it is necessary to do this, since not only new relationships, but also the life and health of a new partner can be at risk. When the former is jealous, he often ceases to be an adequate person and one cannot count on the reasonableness of his actions.
What to do?
There is no single recipe for resolving the issue of ex-jealousy. Each situation is individual and has many options for the development of events. However, some general advice may be helpful.
- Intimate talk
Perhaps the most effective and adequate solution to the problem. Yes, you will have to meet with a person and talk. And no matter how unwilling or unpleasant it is to do this, this step is necessary. During the conversation, it is important to maintain a neutral coloring of emotions. No need to pour reproaches, accusations, break into rudeness and insults. You need to try to convince a person that his behavior is unacceptable from an ethical point of view only because the relationship is over and all obligations are canceled.
You may have to resort to cunning and expose yourself in the most unfavorable light, so that a person looks at the object of jealousy from a different angle, maybe even begins to despise or hate. Of course, in this vein, there is a danger of another problem, but in any case, the jealous person will be distracted and stop pestering with his jealousy. There is a danger of becoming the object of impartial rumors or slander. But it is in any case less painful than constantly being persecuted.
- Changing of the living place
This is a rather radical measure, which is possible as the only correct way out of the current situation. As for the means of communication, it is easier here: it is enough to block and blacklist. Then you won’t have to blow yourself up at three in the morning to listen to the next portion of nonsense. Much more difficult with the address. If there is such an opportunity, it is easier to leave than to approach the entrance endlessly looking back.
- Measures of physical impact
Perhaps the most idiotic way, and the most wrong. But sometimes a good crack solves the problem much faster and more efficiently than civilized methods. By the way, 90 percent of people who have encountered this problem note that it was this method that made it possible to ward off the former forever.
- Legislative help
If the former crosses all boundaries and begins to violate the law, then the court acts soberingly. Most often, the persecution ends immediately, as soon as the jealous person receives an invitation to visit the district service. But it’s often too late to just talk, because the mirror of the car is torn off, the windows are broken both in the car and in the apartment, harm has been done to health, it’s good that the garden house has not yet burned down. Yes, there are such cases.
Don’t feel sorry for the pest. Let him answer in full, and even if he compensates for all the damage caused, it is not worth terminating the trial, since the former will return in 70% of cases. After all, he went unpunished.
By the way, you can write a statement to the police without waiting for fatal situations. There is an article in the Criminal Code that punishes persecution. For the evidence base, it will be necessary to collect records of telephone conversations, testimonies of witnesses, SMS messages and correspondence in instant messengers. Do not neglect this method, as it has a very sobering effect on the jealous.
A strange way to get rid of the annoying attention of the ex. But what’s funny, this life hack saved more than one victim. You’ll have to try a little. So, somewhere in the bowels of the gadgets, in any case, there was a photograph of the former. It needs to be posted on a dating site.
It is necessary to make a note that communication is possible not here, but on social networks, for example, or in instant messengers. Paint the former in the most favorable light. The amazing thing is that it works. The former quickly goes into a new relationship and forgets the object of his jealousy, ceasing to pursue her at every turn. And this is a great result, which should be achieved.
Dealing with the jealousy of the former is very difficult. Such a struggle is exhausting both physically and mentally. But, if you still had to face such a phenomenon, then you don’t need to give up, and even more so follow the lead and restore relations. Nothing good will come of it.