How to negotiate with a man in a relationship and come to a common decision? Do you think that your ideal relationship can not be improved? Or that it is impossible to communicate normally with your lover? Believe me, sometimes a simple heart-to-heart talk is much better than a course from a psychologist.
What causes disagreement
You and your man have their own unique experiences that have shaped his personality. Even if it seems to you that you are like two drops of water – such is impossible. Even twins have different living conditions and experiences.
It is believed that the character and lifestyle are laid in the first 10-12 years, after changing a person dramatically.
Since childhood, the worldview, understanding of oneself and others has been laid down. When people’s actions don’t match your world, cognitive DISSONANNS, resentment and hatred arise.
You could be brought up, for example, with the idea that you should always wash the dishes, and in the family, men always washed their mother or washed a couple of times a week and a lot at once.
In this situation, there is no right, both become victims. And even if such a simple question is not discussed “ashore”, a conflict will inevitably arise.
In addition, by nature, a person is selfish, and this is normal – this is a natural survival mechanism. Only before, on what piece of meat a person snatched, his life depended, now it’s just much more difficult to survive, and everyone pulls the blanket over himself already in a relationship.
How to negotiate in a relationship?
And, of course, there is the factor of the notorious three years, after which the body ceases to support feelings with a constant concentration of hormones, and you have to unexpectedly meet a living imperfect person.
When to talk?
The main rule of a happy relationship is to solve something only outside the emotional explosion.
The best option is to discuss all the details in advance before each new stage of the relationship, and it’s even better to write down: how often you see each other, how much time you devote to work, friends and each other, how often you call up and what household duties fall on each.
If the conflict has already occurred, let each other exhale, blow off steam and be alone. You can disperse for half an hour to different rooms or for a walk – the main thing is to calmly announce that you went to exhale, because you want to talk in a calm state. No slamming doors and demonstrative screams.
When you feel ready to talk – ask him if he is ready to discuss this or that issue now, if n.
And remember: one conversation – one question. No memories of his failures in all the years of the relationship.
Specific advice on how to negotiate
- Talk only about yourself
“You don’t love me”, “You only think about yourself” and a thousand more such accusations.
You can’t get inside another person’s head, no matter how sure you are. You can only be responsible for yourself and your feelings. And the main goal for you, in the end, is your own comfort. So always speak in “I-expressions”.
“I feel unloved lately”, “I feel lonely when you sit down after work”
It’s very easy for Muslims to understand that under “no more attention” lies the need for walking and fighting mater
The concrete promises and for the most part of the arguments. If you sincerely say that you want to feel beautiful, desirable, and walk arm in arm with your loved one, and the theater would be a great occasion, a man will be able to fulfill your desire much faster.
And vice versa: ask sincerely from a man – how exactly can you help him, because you really want this? Perhaps he daydreams about home-cooked meals at work when co-workers bring containers of soup.
Believe me, not everyone will be offended by a joke about a new dress or an ambiguous phrase.
Until you know clearly: what, how and why is acceptable in your life, your man will not recognize it either. It’s about time, it’s about time, and it’s skewed about this, it’s a game and it’s concrete.
To better recognize yourself, analyze each unpleasant situation and look for what exactly caused your tears. If you do, you will have to worry about the situation and the emocymia, say it, analyze it.
Only knowing the boundaries of each other can you develop a model of caring attitude.
- What are your common goals
No other words are available.
Dreams, aspirations, tasks – everyone should have their own, but relationships hold together what converges.
A dream about a specific trip will do – develop a route, watch movies, get inspired. The goal is to buy an apartment in concrete language. Visualize the desire together, discuss it so that at the very last moment you don’t stumble upon a discrepancy in plans when she wanted an apartment in the center, and he wanted a house in the village.
Get a dream corner, a flip board. Photos, clippings and zhnalov, quotes – this will become the place of your world, looking at which in the sedation itself
- Don’t copy the negative
The main problem of Russian couples is the accumulated negativity.
Lack of attention, fatigue from work, and even cook dinner yourself. One joke in your direction – and you explode like a volcano. And the man does not understand what is wrong, and he will be right.
If something makes you feel bad, take the time to let me know. Be the pretense, a spocoynoy, poka do the boiling point is far away.
- Make decisions together
Swearing, bursts, EMOs. And they seemed to understand each other, and a week later everything was new, as if he had not heard you.
This happened because you didn’t decide how exactly you would change your life after the conversation. Replace “show love” with a specific compromise – once a week, he organizes activities for the two of you.
In everyday matters, you can even make a sign on paper, where duties will be scheduled, and every day or week you will put plus signs in the columns.
- Thank each other
Everyone is so used to taking many things for granted. Just “thank you” for the discarded garbage or fur coat will show your man how important his attention is to you. Believe me, the chances that he will forget the next time as well will immediately decrease.
Relationships are the work of two
Try to use the suggested tips not only yourself, but also discuss them with a man. Decide how and when it is more convenient to discuss the relationship specifically for your couple – once a week at a picnic or how emotions boil – over a cocktail in a bar?
There are no unambiguously good ones and there are no methods, because the ultimate goal is your love and comfort for only you two, who are bayn chton.