How To Politely Cancel A First Date? The Ultimate Guide

How To Politely Cancel A First Date The Ultimate Guide
How To Politely Cancel A First Date The Ultimate Guide

Every now and then it happens that a date has to be canceled. In this article, you will find out how best to do this and what to look out for.

Most people ask themselves this question because they are afraid of hurting others. You have probably been looking for an answer to this question too. Because you want to know how to cancel the first date as fairly and with a clear conscience as possible, right?

So let’s start right away How To Politely Cancel A First Date:

Can I cancel my data partner without hurting him?

Yes and no. You’d love to hear that it’s possible to cancel a date without hurting the other. If the other has no feelings for you, that’s possible in any case, if you just want to postpone the date, too. But if you want to give him a bunch and end the contact, then of course the whole thing will be difficult. 

Logical right?!

Do you have no time and want to postpone it? Or do you not want to keep in touch? Depending on what the reason for the canceled date is, there are different ways you can give your date a fair cancellation. Below you will find detailed instructions on how you should interact in which situation.

So it first depends on WHY you want to cancel the date in the first place.

There are two main options:

  • You have no time.
  • You are no longer interested.

When you just don’t have time and an important appointment has come up

In this case, you can and should just be honest and postpone your first date. If something has actually come up that you have no control over, you can communicate this to your appointment very openly and honestly.

It would be great if you suggest a new date for a date when you cancel. This way you communicate that your date is important to you and that you very much regret the cancellation. This way, your dating partner knows that you are not canceling out of a lack of interest.

Your dating partner may be a little disappointed, but not hurt, as you will eventually make up for the date.

If you are not interested and want to end the contact

Sometimes interest has been lost and you want to cancel the date as a result. This means that you want to end the contact and therefore do not want to catch up on the date.

  • Be honest!
  • Don’t make up an excuse!

You should communicate this as honestly as possible. In this case, you shouldn’t make up excuses and postpone the date several times, because you’re not doing your date partner or yourself a favor. Your dating partner continues to hope that the two of you will meet at some point.

Delaying the truth is just unfair!

In addition, it is also exhausting for you to keep inventing new excuses and gradually your conscience will plague you. Of course, you may also feel guilty about awarding a basket.

However, it is also better for you to get this process over with quickly – you will feel relieved afterward.

Realize that it’s perfectly normal to cancel a date – even if it’s your first. Everyone experiences this several times in their life and is part of it.

You are therefore not a bad person. Of course, you should try not to unnecessarily injure the other person in the process. Therefore, you should follow a few general rules.

General rules for canceling the first date

In order not to make it unnecessarily difficult for you and your date and to injure the other as little as possible, be sure to observe the following points:

  • Cancel as soon as you know that you cannot or do not want to go on the date.
  • Be respectful and sensitive so that the other person doesn’t feel hurt.
  • Think carefully about how you want to cancel.

1. As early as possible

In general, you should always cancel the date as early as possible. As soon as you know that you cannot or do not want to go on the date, you should inform the other person immediately.

To cancel on the day of the date itself is an absolute no-go and should only happen in exceptional cases.

Just imagine that you have a date soon and that you are standing in front of the mirror full of anticipation to get yourself dressed. If you find out at this moment that the date will not take place, the disappointment is greater than if you had found out at least the day before.

2. Don’t be unnecessarily hurtful

Always ask yourself how you would like to be treated yourself and how not. The cancellation of a date is often a disappointment in itself, which is why you should be careful not to hurt the other person with your words.

For example, to say that you are of the opinion that the two of you are very different types and that they probably don’t go well together is less hurtful than saying what bothers you about the other.

When characters “don’t go together” it just means that they are different, but that statement is completely neutral.

But if you say that you find the other person too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too shy, too loud, or unattractive, this is a negative rating. It doesn’t have to be.

3. Cancel by WhatsApp or in person?

How To Politely Cancel A First Date? In the digital age, of course, the question arises whether it is okay to cancel the other person via text message or whether a personal call is necessary.

It all depends on how you communicated before.

For example, if you met on a dating platform and have only written so far, but have never met or talked on the phone, then you don’t need to call.

If your communication has so far been based exclusively on text messages, then it is perfectly fine to cancel a date by text message.

If you’ve known each other for a long time, have met several times, and are perhaps on the verge of a relationship, the whole thing looks different, of course. If you decide against a relationship after a long period of dating, you should best communicate this in a personal conversation.

  • If you already know each other, you should call.
  • If you’ve only been writing so far, a message is appropriate.

So it depends on how close you are to each other or how you have communicated with each other so far.

When should I definitely cancel a date?

Perhaps you are also wondering whether you should cancel your first date or not. This uncertainty often leads to the need to cancel a date at the last second, which as we explained above is not fair.

Therefore, you should quickly be clear about whether you will cancel the date or not.

If you have to cancel the first date because something happened to you, you should do so immediately. So don’t put off the rejection before you, because: the earlier, the better.

For various reasons, you may not be interested in your dating partner and you know in advance that nothing will develop from you:

  • Visually, he’s definitely not your type.
  • Basic character traits are too different.
  • You met someone else.

Maybe you received a photo and saw that the person in the picture does not correspond to your type at all.

Perhaps you have also taken note of some character trait or his future plans that let you be sure that it will not work.

If you are 100% sure that nothing will develop from this date, you should cancel the date. Otherwise, you will only waste your time and, last but not least, that of the other.

If you met someone else a few days before the date and they turned your head, you should at least postpone the date. It is not appropriate to date several partners at the same time. Finish one thing first before embarking on something new.

You should really only decline if you are 100% convinced that nothing will come of you. But if you are unsure, you should at least get to know the other person. Otherwise, you may be missing out on a great opportunity.

similar questions

What are NOT reasons to cancel a date?

Of course, in some situations, it can be helpful to make yourself “scarce”. The cancellation of the first date is not one of them! Nervousness and excitement are also normal and affect the other person as well. If you’re afraid of getting a basket yourself, you will probably never have a date – baskets and announcements are part of life.

How do I react to the cancellation of a date?

It is very important that you do not take the rejection personally. If the date is canceled with a clumsy excuse, the other person is probably not interested and you should leave it at that. Otherwise, wait a few days and then suggest a new meeting.


How To Politely Cancel A First Date? When it comes to the question of how you should cancel the first date, it all depends on the reasons for which you want to cancel in the first place. Even if a rejection often leads to disappointment for the other, it is often the right decision. If you follow the rules above, you don’t need to feel guilty either.

Have you ever canceled a first date? If so, what are your experiences with this situation?

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