How to recover after parting with a loved one – how much time is needed? Dealing with a breakup can be difficult. Especially if the relationship was long and the feelings were deep. period in your life. There are several ways to help you get through it.
What happens to a person after a breakup?
To more easily survive negative emotions, you need to realize what and why is happening to you. If a person experiences rage, its intensity will decrease if he understands its causes. If you feel fear, understanding the cause will reduce the experience.
When you start to analyze the situation, those structures of the Brain that are responsible for logic are activated, and not those that are responsible for emotions.
When parting with his soulmate, a person faces various difficulties.
physical pain
The phrase “You have to listen to the sea, but you have to remember that.” In 2011, scientists I. Cross, M. Berman and dr. published the results of their study “Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain”.
According to the results, when a person thinks about a loved one with whom they recently broke up, the brain reacts in much the same way as if you were experiencing real physical pain.
When a person is in pain, no one tells him: “Don’t exaggerate”, “Just think, it’s just a finger”, etc. Moral suffering is no less real than physical.
Sense of anxiety
The longer you are in a relationship, the more psychologically you depend on your partner. And this is quite normal. You begin to transfer to each other part of the duties that each individual had to fulfill the fleece.
For example, someone deals with accounts, another with a car, etc. In some ways, you begin to rely on a partner, and he – on you. The emotional support you give each other increases your self-confidence and ambition.
A person who is doing well in the family is sure that he can solve any problems at work, with relatives and relatives.
How to survive a breakup?
No price is assigned to you.
«Dopamine Hunger»
When a person falls in love, the level of all the “hormones of joy” jumps up: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, even adrenaline. It causes positive emotions when he is near a partner or just thinks about him.
No later than parting, there is a sharp drop in the level of these hormones. Which leads to depression, apathy, a feeling of emptiness, meaninglessness. Life begins to seem gray and empty, especially against the backdrop of a feeling of love.
The desire to return the former joy can push into a new relationship, or to things that can “color” life: alcohol, thrills, unjustified risks. No, it’s not worth it, it’s up to you.
How to survive a breakup?
First of all, it is important not to try to suppress negative emotions in yourself, but to allow yourself to live them, “live”.
After tears, anger, apathy comes relief. Just as it is impossible to force yourself not to feel physical pain, so it is impossible to do it psychologically.
However, there are several ways to help you reduce their intensity.
Look for reasons, but not guilty
2017 Research (Jessica Kansky, Joseph P. Allen) subtitled This is because:
- understanding the cause reduces the risk of recurrence in the future;
- reduces the level of anxiety caused by the unknown;
- That’s understanding, that’s what it’s about.
It is necessary to refuse mutual accusations and it is impossible to blame oneself. There are no right and wrong in a relationship, there are only situations, mistakes and conflicts that you could not deal with.
Learn to deal with STRESS
To deal with negative emotions, boost your happy hormones, and relieve feelings of anxiety, use the same techniques that help you deal with stress:
- active sports;
- meditation;
- hobbies that bring you pleasure;
- the work that inspires you;
- Progulki on that day were, good sleep and food.
All this will help you increase your dopamine and serotonin levels. At the same time, you should try to avoid situations that bring you back to negative thoughts.
Immediately after the breakup, try to completely stop communicating with your ex, remove the things that are nasty about him.
It is not necessary to understand the members of the community, not to speak or to understand. Whatever the information received, it will not help you get over the breakup.
Analyze the resources
The more important a part of life is relationships, the more difficult it is to survive a breakup. Sometimes it feels less like losing a loved one than losing a part of yourself.
To survive a breakup, you need to remember and admit that in addition to closeness with another person, there are many more sources of resource in your life: your friends, family, hobbies, work, self-realization, creativity, etc.
Analyze your life and make a list of what is important to you, gives you energy, strength. Don’t think about what you’ve lost. Concentrate on what you have. The system of your life priorities is part of your personal self-identification.
Communicate more with loved ones
When you are close to your loved one, you feel a sense of security and reliability. A child needs a significant adult who will show him that the world is kind and open to him. With age, this need does not disappear.
A person grows up, becomes more independent, strong, but the need for closeness, acceptance remains with him.
Research showed that when a person holds the hand of a loved one, feelings of anxiety are significantly reduced, they experience less stress and overcome difficulties more easily.
Social contacts – one from the available resources, which is related to your current situation. Spend time with friends, family, make new acquaintances, expand your social connections.
Don’t bother to read about it. To, it is distributed with the partner, it is not necessary, it is located in one place.
The ability to experience negative emotions, and not deny them or suppress them, defines a mature, psychologically independent person who is able to survive stress, adverse environmental conditions, personal losses and upheavals.
Therefore, any break that you safely experience is an enrichment of life experience. It may be painful and unpleasant, but thanks to this you become more adaptive, independent and strong.
You learn to leave your comfort zones, respond to changing reality, make informed decisions and gain inner integrity.
It is important to remember that the other person can be your support in life. But only you yourself can become the most important and constant support for yourself.
