How to respond to male manipulation to a woman? Our society lives in the age of consumer relations, which deprive a person of individuality and force him to treat other people as objects that owe him something. Thus, we become manipulators.
As the American psychologist, and student of Abraham Maslow, Everett Shostrom, said in his book The Manipulator: “For the manipulator, understanding human nature serves only one purpose: to control it.”
Manipulation is positive
The manipulator is in the box and on the inside, and it is so prone that it isn’t moving. Manipulations are divided into positive and negative.
In life, we often encounter negative manipulations. Let’s take a closer look at what manipulators are found, and what is the reason for this phenomenon.
Causes of manipulation
A person is not born a manipulator, but becomes one in the process of life. Look around! A small child, still able to talk, with the help of tears and manipulates the mother into doing it!
Love relationships are also not without manipulation. For a manipulator, a woman is, first of all, a sexual object and his manipulations, courtship, come down to achieving the favor of the chosen one. It is often important for a woman to feel attractive, sexy, so she comes into play and obviously.”
Concerns-producers who want food are hired, giving information on what kind of help. Banks are forced to take loans “on exceptional terms.” Dentists will call for additional services for “Hollywood uuct” because it is a shame to go without a review.
What are the reasons for the emergence of manipulation, you ask?
Everett Shostrom tried to combine the possible causes of manipulation from the teachings of E. Berne, existential teachings, E. Fromm, A. Ellis and others. So here are five reasons:
- external conflict between the currents and the ownus self-esteem and to the extent that the wind is in the wind;
- in the desire to love yourself from others, to achieve what you want with the help of manipulation;
- fear of uncertainty;
How do men manipulate women in relationships?
- fear of involvement, or fear of intimacy, people start playing games to better manage emotions and avoid intimacy;
- the desire to be approved by others, and to achieve this by any means.
A huge human layer of relations has to be well and box, this is both a relationship of love and a relationship of box and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and And here, too, can not do without manipulation. What are the features of male manipulation, you ask?
Is the man manipulating you?
A man manipulates a woman in different ways, depending on what kind of manipulator he is: active or passive. The difference between them is that the manipulator uses power and passive use.
An active manipulator is a dictator, avoids weaknesses, often uses his status, likes to command. Such a man will try to make you his “debtor”, he always knows what is best and how best, in that child.
The primer for the active manipulator must be carried out by the operator in the Jade of the popular Brazilian series “Klon”. As well as the character of Gosha from the movie “Moscow does not believe in tears.” Do you remember how the hero says that since he is a man, he will obviously make all decisions himself.
Passive manipulator – weak, dependent. In contrast to the active one, he achieves the goal through defeat, allowing the partner to think for himself, the partner. An example is the character of Chekhov’s story “Anna on the Neck” Modest Alekseich, who, by currying favor with his wife and taking advantage of her popularity with the top leadership, received a new order.
And now let’s figure out what manipulation is based on, and what strings a man pulls a woman. The main threads for which they manipulate are feelings.
- call of Duty;
- love and trust;
- pity and compassion;
Consider examples. “Poka ya na tebe ne zhenilsya, kem ty byla? I lived in the darkness-cockroaches, I didn’t know how normal people live, ”of course, now you have to die for the good. Manipulators use their duty with great pleasure.
“If you love me, you will not meet your old friends” – well, yes, now he directs your life and determines where to be and with whom. And if you disobey, then you can leave.
In the case when a married man inclines you to a close relationship: “My wife does not understand me, we live like a chulzhen chulzhen.” Here have pity on the unfortunate and lend a hand of love and help.
It is extremely unpleasant when manipulation occurs on a sense of fear. “If you are not with me, then I will end my life,” this will frighten anyone you want.
The feeling of guilt is also a lever for influence. Here is an unplowed field for manipulative creativity. A man does not earn enough money, which means that he was poorly inspired to work. Often delayed at work, again her fault, because she says that there is not enough money. A priori, the woman is always to blame!
What to do, you ask, how not to succumb to manipulation?
Opposition to male manipulation
Even though manipulation looks like string pulling, it really isn’t. No, well, really, you don’t have any strings and it’s physically impossible to do that. So, it all happens in the head. So, what will be your actions?
- First of all, realize that you are being manipulated. Next, find out if the manipulation is positive or negative. If it is positive, and if it helps you, for example, lose weight before the holiday, then wash wash mo keepe
- If the manipulation is negative, then it is worth considering what feelings it parasitizes on. Feelings such as duty, guilt, pity often grow on irrational beliefs that are formed in childhood. And most likely, you noticed that not only your man, but also other people around you use this. And here it is required to deal with these beliefs, to find an adaptive alternative to them.
- The manipulator that is in place is not open to the outside. Therefore, sometimes a frank conversation about your feelings will be a defense against manipulation. For example: “Menya will have two short stories about how many people are there.”
- Ignore manipulative actions on the part of a man, try not to notice. In this case, the man, seeing the futility of his actions, will refuse to manipulate and enter into rational contact.
Is it possible to refuse manipulation altogether? Is there an alternative to manipulative influences in relationships? Everett Shostrom calls this alternative “actualization” and it is expressed in a full-fledged contact of two on an equal footing, where the interests of both partners are taken into account, without hiding their true feelings.
And then in the relationship between a man and a woman, instead of lies and falsehood, honesty and sincerity appear, instead of apathy and boredom – interest and response, instead of constant control – freedom and openness, and instead of cynicism – trust.