How to say that I fell out of love with my husband – advice from a psychologist. What to do if the feelings are gone, and you feel indifference to the man who is nearby? What do you need to understand for yourself before taking any action? Is it possible to buy it in this way, but it isn’t easy and can it be done?
3 questions to ask yourself
Before confessing to your husband that you no longer feel love for him, you need to take your time and answer yourself 3 Questions:
- Why do you want to confess this to your husband
The answer to the question “Why?” will be key in understanding which strategy to choose and how to proceed. There are several purposes of such recognitions:
- the desire to get a divorce in order to start a new relationship – in this case, it is important to think over your further actions right now, that is, specific steps for this;
- the desire to voice the problem so that the man fixes it – then think about whether it is really worth saying, because perhaps the problem is not in him, but in you, in your loss of sympathy, which only you can return;
- the impossibility “to continue to live like this” is such an obscure reason, dictated by a feeling of despair: you don’t seem to want to leave, but you also can’t remain, so you provide your husband with a solution to this problem.
It is important to understand your motives, because they will help you in dialogue with your husband. In the first case, in addition to admitting that you no longer love him, you need to say that you want to end the relationship.
In the second and third cases, You do not feel happiness next to the person, because the passion, attraction, respect, novelty in the relationship is gone. This can still be corrected, because relationships can and should be worked on.
Then your confession of cooled feelings will be more constructive, because you can say that you want to save the marriage and invite your husband to understand together how this can be done.
- What’s stopping you from confessing
This is the second question that needs to be answered before the very recognition. Think about what exactly you are afraid of. It could be:
- unwillingness to offend the husband and hurt him;
- fear of how he will react, for example, fear of aggression, scandal;
- fear of the divorce procedure – the division of property, issues of guardianship, loss of material stability, etc .;
- fear of condemnation from relatives, acquaintances;
- fear of loneliness – the thought that by destroying these relationships you will not be able to find happiness and you will not find another inuzh;
- fear of change is anxiety from the fact that you do not know how events will develop further, how your life will change and whether it will be better than now.
How to say goodbye to a man?
You need to understand what exactly is stopping you, analyze this reason: realize how rational this fear is, that the worst can happen and think over a plan of action in a situation of an unfavorable outcome.
So you will have confidence, and you will know how to proceed further.
- Is it possible to save the marriage
Lack of love is not always a verdict on your relationship. First, there are many ways to bring back old feelings.
Secondly, marriage is based not only on love – if there is trust, friendship, respect, emotional intimacy, these relationships can be even stronger than falling in love, especially if there is no resentment, contempt or hatred.
Third, think about the reason for your feelings. It may be some act of a man, or it may just be a crisis in family relations. It usually occurs around 3, 7 or 13 years of marriage. No way before that.
It is also important to think about whether you have made any attempts to return your old feelings: have you tried to clear up the misunderstanding that has developed between you, improve relations, get closer, learn to tell your husband about your desires and needs, etc.
How to say that you fell out of love with your husband – advice from a psychologist?
If you decide to have such a conversation, it is important to understand that it will not work out gently, that such confessions will always be experienced hard and painfully.
No, to make them a little less traumatic for a person, a few tips will help you:
- choose the right place and time – you should not do this in front of other people, when someone distracts you, when a man is tired, stressed or loaded with problems at work;
- do not start a conversation with the phrase “we need to talk”;
- you should not make a confession during a quarrel or conflict, when you are overwhelmed with emotions, because in this state you can say what you didn’t want to say and cause mental suffering to a person;
- where the word is raised, it is said that it is in the same place as it is – it is not possible to say that it is so.
- talk about your feelings, and not about what he did wrong – the emphasis should be on you, on what you are going through in this relationship, how hard it is for you and how much you need to change something;
- ask about his own feelings towards you and your marriage, because if there is a discord between you, then he, for sure, feels dissatisfaction with your interaction, although he is not always ready to admit it;
- ask about what does not suit him in the relationship, help him come to terms with the idea that the problem really exists and can no longer be ignored, emphasize yourself how often he is irritated, dissatisfied, etc.;
- no need to shift all the blame on the man, find the strength in yourself to admit that your relationship depended on you too, that both made mistakes;
- be mentally prepared for an emotional reaction – a man has the right to emotions, because he will have to go through a series of stages: shock, denial, anger, depression, etc., the main thing is to keep calm yourself, do not let you get emotional;
- give the man time to deal with it – he needs to accept the situation, survive it;
- turn the conversation into a constructive direction – voice the goals according to which you made this confession, for example: part friends or start working on relationships, go to a psychologist, take a break in relationships, etc .;
- ask what he thinks about this – despite such a difficult situation, you need to leave the man “on your side” that is, motivate him to make decisions together.
Such a conversation will not be easy, but it is necessary if both want to change something in their lives and find happiness, Together or apart.