How to start a relationship with a man all over again – advice from a psychologist? “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” – this is how Leo Tolstoy’s great novel “Anna Karenina” begins. And it begins with a story about a married couple, when the events that took place in the family, namely, the betrayal of her husband, led to a conflict situation that could not be resolved.
The situation is critical, it is difficult for a wife to forgive betrayal, and in a conversation with her husband’s sister about the possibility of forgiveness, the phrase sounds: “forgive If, then forgive, as if it did not exist, did not exist at all.”
How well it all started?
All people in their lives make mistakes, allow behavior for which they become ashamed. For example, during a quarrel “on emotions” they allow insults to their partner. And after a reasonable understanding of the situation, I want to erase all the unpleasant memories like an Eraser, forget everything and start the relationship “from scratch”.
“To live life is not a field to cross.” If you want, you will want in other countries, in the kitchen, so that you can see the problems. The lover or beloved seems to be the perfect embodiment of a dream.
Endowing the beloved with a thousand perfections that he does not have at the beginning of a relationship, Stendhal in his treatise “On Love”, called “Crystallization”. Small disagreements only add spice to the developing romance. Minor quarrels still contribute to inciting passion.
But the Candy-Bouquet period tends to end, and habits and the behavior of partners associated with them come to the fore. And then it turns out that our ideas about a partner do not correspond to his real character, his worldview. After realizing the wrong conclusion about his soulmate, the “Crystals” collapse, and naked reality appears before the beloved.
And how relations will develop further depends on the partners themselves. If their relationship is mature, then they will not be afraid of differences in ideas about family traditions. On the other hand, it is only possible to understand the system. In what cases do situations arise when you want to start “from scratch”?
When you want to “zero in a relationship”
Relationships can develop in different ways. If people treat each other with understanding, many disagreements and conflicts can be resolved. No in unacceptable situations, it is up to you to see the other side.
- If one of the partners cheated on the other. The reasons for this event can be completely different, but the result is very painful for the continuation of the relationship.
- If one of the partners suffers from an addictive (dependent) disorder, for example, alcoholism, and as a result of this destroys…
How to start a relationship from scratch?
- As soon as the people are there, the children and the people who live there are in love with them.
- If personal rules and views on life are completely different, and on this basis there are constant scandals and showdowns between partners. For example, the husband adheres to rigid religious views, and the wife does not follow these dogmas and rules.
So, the relationship has reached such a boiling point, what’s next – either a final break, or a cardinal attempt to change something.
Under what conditions is it possible to resume relations
- The resumption of relations is possible only if there is a dialogue between the partners.
If a man and a woman in their life together are accustomed to hearing Only themselves, to realize their desires, changes are impossible. If, for example, a man has admitted his guilt and believes that this is quite enough without a change in behavior on his part, there will be no progress in resolving the conflict. It’s not enough to come up and say: “I understand everything, it’s my fault, let’s start again.” Dialogue is needed.
- When recognizing the right to the boundaries of one’s personal space and mutual respect.
When building relationships, not only love is important, but also respect for the personality of the partner. So that there would not be “foreign entrances” as in the story of the ruby dyna: “Ilya had a House where everyone loved each other very much, but no one respected anyone.”
Very often, behind his desires, requirements for a woman, a man sees in her a wife, a mother, but does not see in her an independent, formed personality, with her own needs and dreams.
So it was with the hero of Leo Tolstoy’s story “The Kreutzer Sonata”, out of jealousy he hit his wife with a dagger, and looking “at her bruised face with smudges, for the first time he forgot himself, his rights, his pride, for the first time he saw a person in her” .
- If both partners are ready for changes in their relationship. If this decision is mature and thoughtful. As long as it is possible for partners to do so, it is necessary to say that the children are pregnant.
How to start a relationship from scratch?
Relations have come to a standstill, but the man and woman love each other and are ready to make mutual compromises. What can help?
- A man and a woman Should frankly explain themselves, without mutual insults, explain those actions that irritated or offended the partner.
For example, a woman may say that she feels offended when a man spends his weekends in iSim Drypan. And a man is annoyed by how long his wife is going to visit.
- Find joint alternative solutions for situations that do not suit each other.
For example, it is difficult for a woman to cook dinner after a working day. You can order food from a restaurant, or go to a cafe. A man, if he lacks attention from a woman, does not go “to the left”, but informs his wife about this, and she arranges a romantic dinner at a convenient time for both.
- Develop a new outlook on life situations, new habits to respond differently to behavior in the family. Keep in mind that these changes take time. Create a detailed action plan and tune in to adapt to it.
- Exclude a return to the previous strategy of behavior, otherwise all efforts will be wasted.
- If you can’t cope with the situation on your own, and also when the situation is very difficult and there are personal problems of each of the partners, for example, craving for alcohol, aggression manifested in assault, you need to seek help from a psychologist. There is a need to work out your personal problems individually with a psychologist, and only then take action to renew the relationship.
When restoring relations “from scratch”, it must be borne in mind that the same period, as in the candy-bouquet-bouquet period, is over. No matter how much you want to erase everything unpleasant from memory, relationships begin taking into account previous mistakes and pastures. PARTNERS should figure out what they want in this relationship and explain it to each other.