How to stop being a comfortable woman for a man because you are tired? “I did everything for him! And he went to another! And to what! Careerist! He won’t wash, he won’t clean, he won’t cook dinner! And he actually has an ulcer!” – complains a woman who will soon have a divorce. She sincerely wonders why her husband decided to divorce her, because she devoted herself to him. And she does not understand one simple thing: happiness in a couple is not built on the convenience of a woman. Are you comfortable or happy?
The psychology of a comfortable woman
Stereotypical attitudes in the brains of women are other problems. Mom Says Listen to your Husband, a friend convinces you that you need to get over it, your sister explains that the key to women’s happiness lies in marriage. It turns out that a woman without a man is an unfortunate, unnecessary individual.
Many women take pride in the fact of having a man or being married. And they do everything to keep this status. Become comfortable for a man. Love must be earned, this is how Russian girls and women think.
With mother’s milk, they absorbed the need to be an ideal housewife, an excellent wife, in order to receive a portion of gentle and affectionate words, praise and approval from her husband. She does everything to make it good, while forgetting about herself: she gives up her hobbies, does not spend money on herself, practically does not rest. And in the end, she is exhausted, becomes a neglected, disheveled woman with chronic fatigue and somatic diseases, who is not interested in her husband.
It is advisable to apply the word “comfortable” to the inanimate: a comfortable chair, a convenient location, a convenient place to work, a comfortable apartment, a convenient schedule. If a person becomes comfortable – He becomes a thing, an inanimate object that does not have its own desires, emotions, requests and needs. Harmony in relationships is not built on the convenience of partners, but on mutual respect and understanding.
A woman who tries to be comfortable with her partner is oppressed. She wants to force herself to give up her own happiness, to make another happy. Reasons: fear of loneliness, stereotyped thinking, harsh influence of the immediate environment. Think with your head, it is better to be self-fulfilled and happy than to put another person on the altar of self-righteousness.
TOP 15 signs that you are not happy, but comfortable
- You yield in an argument or you always look for a compromise. Sometimes you need to do this, but on an ongoing basis – definitely not! You are alone, you need to remember about your comfort.
- You don’t express your desires. “Well, I’ll be patient!” – the worm in your head itches. No, my dear, it’s okay to express your desires to your partner. Harmonious relationships are built on taking into account the desires of each other.
- You don’t know what you want. You have one goal, to stay in a relationship or marriage. And the implementation in life is zero. You do not know if you want to learn an additional profession or get a new position. You know only one thing, how to feed deliciously, charm a man and become the Center of his universe.
- Your main goal is marriage. And it should be happiness. You can be happy without marriage. And torturing yourself “just to be married” is a bad idea.
- The presence of fear of loneliness. You do not understand the phrase “Better alone than with just anyone”
How not to become a comfortable woman?
- Suppression of negative emotions. You feel bad, you hurt, you’re scared, but you don’t complain, you endure. Everyone needs a cheerful and happy, and not a “woman with problems.”
- You justify all his actions, despite the fact that they are immoral or unfair.
- You are not self-sufficient and independent. You depend on a man financially. You are either fully supported, or your job is low-paid and unrespectable.
- Lack of desire for happiness, inner harmony. You don’t think about how you feel good, you can even endure, if only it was good for a man.
- The interests of a man are primary, first he, then you. You don’t like horror, but you’ll watch it because your man does. You cook food that a man likes, not you. And so in everything.
- You tolerate unworthy attitude towards yourself. You are unpleasant to talk about how much your appearance has changed for the worse, insults, cruel jokes, but you allow these actions and words to your side.
- You love with your ears. It is very convenient to promise everything at once, but forget to fulfill it. Those who predpochitaesh need to do some of the work outside of the muzhchiny, not too badly on any post and dynasty.
- Trying your best to please. Sometimes it comes to the point that you create a comfortable personality for a man.
- Lack of self-respect. If you do not respect and appreciate yourself, believe me, a man will not do this either.
- Low self-esteem. Firstly, with low self-esteem It is easy to manipulate a person, Secondly, a man will be sure that you will not get anywhere.
How to stop being comfortable and build harmonious relationships?
- The first step is to analyze your behavior. Mark for yourself the actions and actions in which you “step on your throat” in order to please your man.
- Express your feelings to a man: “Darling, when you told me that I looked terrible today, I was overwhelmed.” Don’t settle for something you don’t like: “Sorry, I can’t agree with you on this issue, this action disgusts me.”
- Mirror his unworthy attitude. Yes, as they say, the “below the belt” method, but very effective. A man with a good example will understand how insulting it can be after such an act. Just don’t forget to say it: “I also felt bad when you did this to me.”
- Do what you want, and if you don’t want to, then don’t force yourself. You don’t have to watch a movie you don’t like or go where you don’t want to just get tired. For example, “Honey, I’m not going to your parents today, I feel bad, I’d better lie down and read a book” instead of “Yes, I have a headache, but I will go with my husband to his parents, otherwise he will be offended.”
- Value yourself and your time. Stay among the interests in the past.
- Pay attention to the actions and actions of your man, do not just believe his words.
- Defend your point of view in matters of principle.
Note that appreciating yourself and selfishness are two different things. The egoist just surrounds himself with comfortable people. Show love, care and affection, give attention, but do not sacrifice your interests and need. By becoming comfortable, you are guided by how a man wants to see you, while making yourself unhappy.