How to stop being an abuser to a woman and is it possible?
Concepts of abuse and abusive relationships
Ponyatie abyuuza dovolnoe obshirnoe and will be in some small variety, asspectos. In a broad sense, abuse is the use of violence against another person.
Violence is possible not only of a physical nature, but also psychological, moral.
The goal of abuse is subjugation, enslavement in every sense or in specific matters. Proceed to do this by seeing the data and, by the fact that it is possible to do it, you can do it on the part of the owner.
An abusive relationship is the interaction of two people in which one performs violent actions (pressures, threatens, blackmails, manipulates), and the second takes the position of a victim, which is quite difficult to get out of.
Where does such a phenomenon come from? As a rule, it occurs in people who have been subjected to psychological or physical violence. For example, in childhood, parents constantly criticized, humiliated, mocked the child.
Signs of an abusive relationship
The abuser is capable of both simply morally suppressing the victim, and using cruelty and physical force. Consider the main signs by which it is possible to determine that there is abuse in your relationship.
- PARTNER demands to do as he wants. Drugs that are slow, on craves complete submission and compliance with him.
- Constantly violates personal boundaries. He thinks he has every right to interfere in your life.
- The chosen one is always in control of you. Calls, checks, demands a report. Treat it like it’s your own property.
- Critique of what. Didn’t have time to cook, blame. If he sees that he has recovered, he will definitely report it. Yes, and in an arrogant form.
- Causes feelings of guilt. You understand that you do not correspond to his Level, After all, you are so perfect, you are such a klutz, forever unable to do anything well.
- He makes plans based solely on his desires and interests. He doesn’t care about your opinion. He is sure that you are obliged to adapt to him.
- You feel constant fear and stiffness if you are near a partner or if you are waiting for his arrival. Alone, you are calm and comfortable.
- Your chosen one forbids you to feel. When you are offended or upset by his behavior, he convinces you that you are behaving like a little girl. If you want to be with him, you should put your feelings away.
I am an abuser: what to do, is it possible to recover?
- PARTNERS limits you in communication with friends, relatives. Only his company is useful and valuable for you, you do not need all the rest.
- Your man is manipulating and threatening. If you do not do as he said, a series of punishments will follow: either he scares you that he will leave, and a reaction in the form of physical aggression is also possible.
- Relationships are like swings. Everything is perfect for you, then it suddenly becomes unbearable. It is as if the abuser cannot remain in a calm and even state for a long time.
- There is gaslighting. This is when the manipulator convinces you of the absence of any events, facts. He is trying to convince you that all this is just your invention. Thus, the victim really begins to doubt his feelings and beliefs.
What are the consequences of a relationship with an abuser?
The consequences appear gradually. At the very beginning, being in a relationship with an abuser, it seems to the partner that everything will work out and the person will change. However, then the consciousness of the victim begins to perceive what is happening as the norm.
- Depressive state.
Constant STResses, fears, tension are imprinted on the general psychological state. A person under oppression slowly sinks into depression. And already in this state it is extremely dangerous to be, especially if there is no one nearby who is able to help.
The abuser is trying to push away all your loved ones. And when you are in a vulnerable state, it turns out that no one is able to lend a helping hand to you.
- Decreased self-esteem.
Moreover, it decreases if nothing is changed so much that it is possible to testify to a complete loss of self-identity. The victim considers himself so unworthy that it becomes almost impossible to cope with such a state.
- Loss of life goals and focused.
Due to the fact that the manipulator does not allow you to make global decisions and constantly interferes in your life, your purposefulness and motivation begin to fade. It is not necessary to wear it and it is so great that it is too heavy and heavy.
- Psychological trauma of children.
As long as you are there, you have to go ahead and do it yourself. Even if the abuser is an exemplary father, looking at the attitude towards the mother, the child experiences terrible emotions that will certainly leave a negative imprint not only on his psychological state, but also on building his life path.
- Harm to physical health.
According to the data and the post-transmissions, the name is negligible, but it is the same as the health. Psychiatry that is related to one of the physicists. However, this is not even the most dangerous thing.
The abuser is capable of being an active aggressor. On mozhet in pylu ssory povesti sebya krayne rezko. Physical aggression can end very sadly. Being in a relationship for a long time in which there is such violence, the victim exposes himself to great danger.
How to stop being an abuser in a relationship?
What if the abuser in the relationship is you? In fact, the real abuser is completely unaware of his misbehavior. They have absolutely no objective assessment of themselves.
But if you notice some signs of Abusive behavior in yourself and want to get rid of them, you should work on some points in yourself.
- Realize that your partner is not your property.
That is why you should not demand that he stop communicating with relatives and friends. It is also wrong if you impose your values, priorities and hobbies on him. In general, he is truly free and able to decide for himself how to live. Learn to accept his autonomy.
- Respect the person’s personal boundaries.
Personal space, personal things are taboo for you from now on. Everyone has a right to their own secrets. Your desire to completely immerse yourself and dissolve in the life of another, to wait for a full account of everything that he thinks, feels, violates His rights.
- Control your emotions.
It is worth learning the basics of self-control. Meditation, sports, yoga will help you with this. Learn to manage yourself. It’s not right when every little thing knocks you out of the rut. The ability to linger in a state of Rest, consciousness leaves clear, sharp, thoughtless actions of an Aggressive nature do not occur.
- Try to put yourself in the place of the other person.
The most effective exercise is to feel what your partner goes through while in a relationship with you. To do this, you should put yourself in the place of the chosen one. Realize how he feels when you suspect him, demand an account, try to convict him of all sins.
How unpleasant it is for him when you make a scandal in response to any little thing. How does he feel in the moment of your aggressive outbursts? You will understand that it is not easy for him, but he lives in this, perhaps for years.
- Mind your business.
Instead of controlling your partner, get on with your life. Spend more time on your self-development, find additional hobbies. Then the chosen one will have much less time to look for flaws.
The only place where people live is that it is not possible for them to do so. PARTNERS is definitely hard with you, but you certainly can’t be called happy either. Perhaps becoming aware of your negative traits is the first step towards a healthy and happy relationship.