How to stop being jealous? 10 essential sequential steps. Tired of experiencing negative, draining emotions towards your partner? Has there been severe fatigue from constant quarrels, suspicions, fear, uncertainty? If short-term rare jealousy only adds spice to the relationship, then long-term, on the contrary, takes away strength, undermining psychological health. How to Stop Jealousy in 10 Steps A direct instruction for action for those who want to maintain relationships, and not lose them in an endless maelstrom of scandals.
1. Calm the wave of feelings.
A jealous person is always an emotional, impulsive, provocative person. It mixes fear, anger, resentment, self-pity, and many other unpleasant experiences. Is it possible to make adequate decisions in such a state?
Not likely, so relaxation is the first step. However, few people at the peak of emotional experiences will want to sit down to meditate or repeat affirmations in front of a mirror. Therefore, at the most heated moment, it is better to simply change the situation and the flow of thoughts, for example:
- leave the room for a walk, fresh air will cool the ardor;
- try to remember in detail some pleasant event;
- come up with a rhyme for any phrase that catches your eye;
- try to read any text backwards, from the last letter to the first;
- go in for sports – and it will turn out to throw off emotions, and give everything to the fullest;
- fold origami, Rubik’s cube, perform any monotonous calming action;
- take a series of slow deep breaths and sharp exhalations.
But what is undesirable to do at such moments is to seize stress, wind up other people (they will then begin to wind up the narrator themselves even after he calms down). When the acute feelings subside, perhaps the view of the situation will change. For some, it is generally enough to go to bed, and after waking up, rethink their feelings.
How to stop being jealous? 10 essential sequential steps.
2. Logically comprehend the situation.
Once the emotions are sorted out, it becomes a little easier to look at the situation objectively. It will be more convenient for someone to think about everything to themselves, others will need to pronounce thoughts aloud, and the third will be like written reflection. Is the form of reasoning determined? Okay, time to ask yourself some questions. But which ones exactly?
- What exactly am I feeling? Is it just jealousy, or is pain, envy, a sense of injustice involved here?
- What caused such experiences? What episode caused a strong reaction?
- Have similar situations happened before? Were there other reasons for jealousy?
- How did I react last time? What were the results?
- What should I do next? Do I want to resolve the conflict or am I no longer able to forgive such behavior?
It is desirable to deepen the questions as they arise, and perceive the answers in any form, even if they seem ridiculous, strange, scary. You will have to break your head over some phrases, for others it will be enough to answer quickly, voicing or writing the thought that first came to mind.
3. Imagine yourself in the place of a partner.
It will be easier to determine the motives of the partner’s behavior if you try to look at the situation through his eyes. Each person has different values, limits of decency, rules, understanding of the same things. For example, for one, cheating is a sexual relationship on the side, and for another, even innocent flirting. If such boundaries were not specified before, it is obvious that the partner will not even suspect that he is doing something wrong, hurting his loved one.
If you can’t put yourself in the place of your couple, her motives or actions remain unclear, perhaps the point is the poor quality of communication or a short acquaintance. In this case, it is better to eliminate gaps in knowledge about each other, try to get acquainted with the views of the interlocutor at least on things that are critically important for yourself.
How to stop being jealous? 10 essential sequential steps.
4. Try on the situation for yourself.
People themselves do not always notice how double standards are practiced. For example, a guy does not like that his chosen one spends time with male friends. Although he himself also communicates with girls and does not see anything shameful in this. This does not necessarily indicate the purposeful selfishness of a man. It is possible that he simply does not think about the identity of these situations.
To avoid such confusion, it is enough to turn the situation around, imagining that the jealous person himself performs the actions that he is offended by. It is advisable to try not to come up with information that is not there.
For example, if a wife is jealous of her husband because he went to a corporate party where there will be many women, it is better for her to dwell only on this fact. However, she would rather begin to imagine how her missus flirts with other ladies, cheats on them. Although there are no direct prerequisites for such fantasies. If the spouse tries to put herself in the same conditions (goes to a corporate party with other men), she will perceive this as normal behavior. This begs the question: what is the difference then? Only in double standards.
5. Find signs of love.
Sometimes, in order to discard jealous thoughts, it is enough to remember the partner’s actions, which indicate that he loves and appreciates his couple. These are not some sky-high or heroic actions, but quite ordinary little things that people are used to underestimating or not noticing at all. For example, if a loved one for the sake of a loved one:
- performed household chores instead of his half to lighten her evening;
- listened to experiences on some issue without condemnation or moralizing;
- made small gifts like favorite sweets that he bought on the way home from work, although he was also tired;
- covered with a blanket at night, fluffed up the pillow before going to bed, so that it was softer to lie;
- without prior requests, he made tea or went to the pharmacy to buy medicines when half of him was sick.
Noticing such details will not only help get rid of unreasonable jealousy, but will also strengthen the bond between lovers, make them closer.
6. Check self-esteem.
Often, jealousy is the result of self-doubt, a side effect of personal complexes. In this case, the behavior of the partner may have nothing to do with it at all, because the essence of the problem lies in the low self-esteem of the jealous person. Here are some questions to determine its level:
- Do I consider myself a successful person in at least one area?
- Are most of my expectations and plans justified?
- If there was a competition at my work right now, could I win a prize?
- Do I often believe that I can cope with the difficulties ahead, and resolutely plunge into the matter with my head?
- Do I prefer to take risks if I see benefits in it, or ignore the given chances, fearing defeats, failures?
If at least 2-3 questions were answered “no”, there are problems with adequate perception of oneself. However, the partner is not obligated to solve these difficulties or play the role of a psychotherapist. To do this, there are specialists to whom it is desirable to contact with such troubles. This is important both for the future of relationships, a loved one, and for your prospects, well-being.
How to stop being jealous? 10 essential sequential steps.
7. Dig into the past.
If a person has been involved in a cheating situation in the past, it is not surprising that they will look for it even in new relationships. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that he turns out to be the one who was cheated on. He himself could be a traitor who understood his mistakes, but did not work them out to the end, and now transfers his past negative experience to the current chosen one or chosen one.
Approximately the same thing happens with children whose parents divorced because of infidelity, especially if the mother or father later blamed the child for everything. These are typical phrases:
- “You are the same as your father”, “All men are bastards”;
- “If you behaved well, then your mother would not leave you”;
- “You always justify your dad”;
- “What kind of mother – such a daughter, will also end badly”;
- “I tried to save my relationship with him and endured his betrayals only because of you,” etc…
In addition, such “adult children”, along with unmotivated jealousy, also have a feeling of guilt, an inability to adequately express their emotions. As a result, they develop neuroses, which only exacerbate the situation. If you cannot cope with your past on your own, it is better to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
8. Find an activity.
Jealousy, blues, boredom, strange thoughts sometimes arise simply because a person has nothing to do. His day is limited to communication with a partner, a couple of friends, a maximum of work. Hobbies are either absent or not enough time is given to them. This is an underestimated problem that causes a person to become dependent on a loved one or a loved one. All positive emotions, associations are attached only to him/her.
To begin with, you will have to realize such a complex, and then find your hobby, passion in any activity – from extreme sports to needlework. New interests will allow you not to get hung up on moments that are not worthy of attention, they will teach you to concentrate only on the source of pleasure, joy. It is very desirable that there are several such hobbies at once, so that if one is unavailable, you can easily switch to another.
How to stop being jealous? 10 essential sequential steps.
9. Add spark to the relationship.
A jealous outburst arose in a relationship that has lost its sharpness, passion? Everything became routine, boring, and then suddenly you had to be jealous? Perhaps it’s all for the best. Such a surge of emotions will benefit a long-term union. However, the line between jealousy-benefit and jealousy-problem is very thin, it is easy to miss it.
It is advisable to find other levers of passion, renew your relationship, return more positive, novelty to them. For this you can:
- sign up together for practical courses that are interesting to both (horse riding, driving ATVs, exotic cooking);
- go somewhere together for a few days (hike, tourism, etc.);
- arrange a week of romance (give flowers, go-to romantic dinners);
- organize a week-long sex marathon for each other (every day at least once making love, changing something daily);
- revise old joint albums, play roles on a first date, walk around places that are significant for a couple.
Such steps will get rid of jealousy as an attempt to disperse boredom, strengthening the union between lovers.
10. Talk to a partner.
Sometimes this is the most effective, obvious, but at the same time difficult way. Fear of being misunderstood, resentment for past mistakes, frankness make you avoid a seemingly easy conversation. A small conversation scheme will help out, instructions on how to start it:
- I don’t like it when you … (listing actions or behavior in general without accusations, insults).
- At such moments, I feel that … (description of my emotions).
- These feelings arise because … (a story about love for a partner, unwillingness to lose him).
- It would be easier for me if you … (changes that I want to see in a couple).
In the end, you can thank you for your time, understanding, and in the same manner discuss your own mistakes, ways to prevent them in the future.
If a person wants to improve relations, but does not yet know how to stop being jealous, this is not so bad. It is much worse if the negative of quarrels, constant suspicions is not fully realized by the jealousy. Only by fully accepting the fact of the problem, you can tune in to its solution, find ways, ways. This 10 step-tips will help those who understand their mistakes, sincerely want to correct them, returning peace, happiness, and well-being to their relationship. The last point is especially important, but the 9 previous ones make it easier to complete.
How to stop being jealous? 10 essential sequential steps.
