How to stop nagging your husband? 6 psychological tips! Why constant grumbling is so detrimental to relationships and how, instead of the desire to “nag”, make love bloom.
“I think I asked you to take out the garbage”, “You said you would quit smoking!”, “You should have bought the wrong tomatoes.”
Sounds familiar? Most likely. Once, make a couple of remarks that could have been dispensed with, and now the list of nitpicks is as large as the number of those very wrongly bought tomatoes. Marcy Pregulman, a leading marriage and relationship counselor, says, “This pattern of behavior is not only unproductive, it destroys love.”
These 6 tips will help you get rid of the habit of “nag”
- You are wrong, you are angry.
“To put pressure on a partner is not wise. This is how you express your negative emotions, ”says psychologist, addiction specialist and self-development author Robert Meyers.
While anger may be justified and caused by serious concern—perhaps your husband isn’t quitting smoking or your girlfriend has started drinking again—you need to be aware that “sipping” doesn’t help.
“People get upset when others do something negative for a long time, be it gambling or drugs. From the realization that they cannot stop it, they increase the flow of negative energy that they direct at someone, ”explains Myers. “In our study, we found that this is the exact opposite of what needs to be done.”
- Focus on the positive.
What is the most effective technique for changing human behavior? Positive reinforcement, says Meyers. He is convinced that non-confrontational support is a powerful tool for change. Want to scold your partner for how late he got home? Do not do that. It’s better to call and talk to a friend. Later, when you are calm and your partner is more receptive to conversation, tell him how much you miss those evenings when you had dinner together, laughed and talked. Emphasizing love, not anger. So, you are more likely to melt his heart than provoke a quick temper.
- Scattered crumbs are not a metaphor for relationships.
“Darling, please remove the crumbs from the table when you finish the sandwich” is a request. “Well, don’t forget to clean up the crumbs!” – and this is an annoyance, because your request was not fulfilled. But the person at whom the aggression is directed does not understand why the bread crumbs caused such an emotional outburst.
“If after a while the request is not heard, you wonder: why? Thoughts begin to arise that you are unloved, your partner is lazy and optional. And then it flows into: “I don’t trust you” or “you don’t respect what I say,” Marcy Pregulman explains.
According to Pregulman, don’t turn crumbs into a relationship metaphor. It’s not that your partner doesn’t care about you; maybe he just doesn’t care about those little ones. But there is another side: your chosen one should also think about what you experience when your feelings are ignored. After all, it is not at all difficult to put yourself in the place of a loved one.
- To the one who is being “sawed”: just do it!
Breaking news for those who find fault: the responsibility is divided into two. If you’re annoyed that your partner won’t stop pointing at your scattered wet towels after you shower, here’s a great solution: just put them away! And this is the opinion of experts. “Just do it,” says Pregulman. “I mean, if it only takes a couple of minutes, then what’s the point of fighting and bringing disharmony into the house?”
- To the one who “nags”: let go.
Pregulman has the same practical advice for nitpickers. Instead of ranting and ruining each other’s mood over wet towels, maybe just pick them up and get on with your day?
- Have fun!
If fighting and nagging happens more in your family than laughing and talking, then do something drastic: have some fun together. Forget about wet towels, bread crumbs and hurt feelings – reunite with each other as two loving hearts, and not as roommates. Your joint positive emotions, good memories connected with each other are your best investment in a joint future. This is sure to bear fruit in the less joyful moments that couples may experience.
“Building a bank of positive emotions is really important for a relationship,” says Pregulman. “We’re making an analogy with a bank account, where if you have a lot of money, pulling out a dollar or two would be a non-essential loss. But if your bank is empty, pulling out every dollar is really tangible.” How to stop nag your husband? 6 psychological tips