How to Survive Infidelity: 10 Must-Have Steps. Has your loved one changed? Surely it seems as if the whole world has collapsed and will never recover. Happiness, love, trust, self-respect now seem to be something unattainable. You can put an end to your future and no longer expect anything from life … Stop! Cheating and breaking up with a partner is not the end of the world. On the contrary, this is a new beginning, a reason to remember yourself, to become better, stronger, more successful. But how to survive the betrayal and the first weeks after it with minimal damage to yourself?
1. Remember the pleasures.
Surely in recent months, all the attention has been either on relationships with a partner, or on the hustle and bustle and problems in other areas of life. It’s time to change focus and think about something more pleasant. It can be:
- appearance care — updating the wardrobe, going to the barbershop, tattoo parlor, spa day, etc.;
- favorite hobby – from reading literature to skydiving, as long as it brings pleasure;
- cultural and entertainment events – film screening, stand-up, any exhibition, theatrical performance, concert and even dancing in a nightclub;
- communication with interesting people – apartment dwellers, meeting classmates, classmates, old acquaintances, conversations in random video chats;
- delicious food – going to a restaurant or cafe, buying delicacies, culinary tastings, cooking an unusual dish at home.
The main thing is that the lesson brings joy, relaxation. It is also important to learn to abstract from difficulties and concentrate only on the pleasure you get. Eating black caviar in a chic restaurant and thinking how expensive it is is an example of a bad pastime.
Let there be more such pleasant trifles. They will relieve internal stress, help get rid of obsessive thoughts, inspire change. And with a good mood, a difficult period will pass much easier.
How to Survive Infidelity: 10 Must-Have Steps.
2. Communicate.
It is impossible to close oneself from the world just because one person turned out to be “not the one”. On the contrary, it is an incentive to go out, say hello, talk, smile at people. If you are alone all the time, you can lose a bunch of precious moments associated with others. It is better to let your friends drag you to some event or call them yourself and make an appointment.
Remembering the past is still undesirable. What you need to do is focus on the positive. Even if it will be banal talk about good weather, it’s okay. The main thing is to start.
The key is to improve your communication skills. They will help:
- to see the real essence of people already at the first meeting;
- it is easier to make friends, improve relations with colleagues, neighbors;
- recognize the beginning of conflicts and quickly prevent them;
- bring more positivity into your life.
Being alone for a while is one thing. But consciously choosing loneliness is far from the best idea with unpleasant consequences. Therefore, you can not abandon your social life. She will help you through a difficult time in your life.
3. Find a new hobby.
To a new life – with new conditions. Why not try something that previously seemed strange, impossible, incomprehensible, childish, or just difficult? Now is the time to rediscover yourself. “Try, try and try again” is the motto of this stage. What can you do? A few conditional examples:
- enroll in courses developers, ballroom dancing, massage, foreign language, oratory, etc.;
- find your sport, it is not necessary to attend sections, you can buy a bicycle or regularly go hiking with friends. Of the budget options: jumping rope, training at home, yoga, classes at the nearest sports ground, running, etc .;
- get a pet. Cats, dogs, fish, turtles, rodents, birds, and at least a terrarium with spiders or snakes;
- try the opposite. For example, for an active person – scrapbooking, for a modest person – participation in any competition, for a quiet person – a large amusement park.
The meaning is in change. You can change the route to work, replace the usual store with a market, reconsider the daily routine.
4. Work on facial expressions and postures.
Body language not only betrays the true nature of a person, but also affects his well-being, mood. This means that the next task will be to develop the correct posture and follow your gestures, posture, facial expressions. It is important to learn to act like a confident person. Then psychological progress will be added to physical attempts. How to do it?
- Keep your back straight and your shoulders back and down, but without tension.
- Slightly tighten the buttocks, avoid a strong deflection in the lower back, tighten the stomach (do not retract, trying to make it smaller, but just slightly strain the abdominal muscles without holding your breath).
- Keep your head straight, look straight ahead, try not to frown.
- Do not hide your hands in your pockets, learn to freely lower them. Avoid tight postures and nervous fingering of small objects.
- To develop smoothness of movements, to develop a gait at a moderate pace without wide steps.
- Experiment with facial expressions in front of a mirror. For example, try to quickly show opposite emotions, and then hone your facial expressions.
Speech is also an important part. Improvised monologues, work on sound volume, intonation, tempo, voice recording on a dictaphone, speaking in front of a mirror help to improve speaking skills.
How to Survive Infidelity: 10 Must-Have Steps.
5. Flirt.
What improves self-esteem better than flirting? Just a good flirt. It is better that he was without a “continuation”. The main goal is to prove to yourself that you can like other people. You can’t do things that are unpleasant. If the interlocutor turned out to be a tactless, strange, or frightening person, you can immediately stop communicating. Do not continue the conversation just out of politeness.
However, not everyone immediately has the courage to walk up to a pretty girl or guy at the bar and start a conversation. What to do?
- Communicate on the Internet in anonymous video chats (you can disconnect at any time, and the interlocutor will never know where his opponent was from and even what his name is).
- Make compliments to others – a cute saleswoman, a pretty courier, etc.
- Just smile more often. Do it modestly. Still, strangers smiling for all 32 teeth arouse suspicion and apprehension.
6. Don’t change in response.
Reckless impulsive revenge is the last thing that can help the victim. At first, it may seem that such an act will improve self-esteem, make the offender feel the same pain, restore self-confidence. But, as practice shows, everything ends only with a loss:
- opportunities to build a relationship with the offender;
- self-respect and self-esteem;
- life guide;
- remnants of peace of mind.
Why is this happening?
- Firstly, such a step is not made consciously, but under the influence of surging emotions. When the emotional storm subsides, remorse and guilt will come. Why become as guilty a person as a traitor? Why even turn into it?
- Secondly, betrayal in response is always dirt. Who can be found for such revenge in a short time? That’s right, dubious personalities.
- Thirdly, even if the offender feels the same pain, how will it end? Will he understand how wrong he was and come running to beg for forgiveness? Hardly. He will not care or he will lose the desire to restore relations.
- Fourth, after such a misconduct, there is regret about the pain caused to a dear person. There will be self-loathing. Serious personal complexes will also be added to the break-in relations. Is it necessary?
How to Survive Infidelity: 10 Must-Have Steps.
7. Do not involve friends.
Of course, the first thing I want to complain to my friends, parents, but anyone. However, at first, it is better not to tell friends about such a problem, especially if they are common. Why is that?
- The story will make these people worry, nervous.
- They will listen to only one side and will not be able to objectively assess the situation.
- Relatives will begin to give advice, based only on their worldview.
- The traitor will have a reason to despise the narrator and consider him a talker.
- Someone from a close circle can take advantage of the opportunity for their own purposes.
However, keeping everything in yourself is also dangerous. How to be in such a situation?
Tell about it to those who are not interested in any outcome of the situation and is not familiar with the participants in the incident. If the three main options are:
- a trip to a good psychologist, and better – to a psychotherapist;
- anonymous communication on thematic forums;
- keeping a diary or writing letters without sending them.
These options will help ease your mind. At the same time, they will not hurt loved ones and will not make them eternal witnesses, a reminder of an unpleasant incident.
8. Don’t look for a replacement.
It’s no longer cheating out of revenge. This is an attempt to plug an internal bleeding wound. After a breakup, many people immediately rush in search of a new partner. They find, they try their best to become happy again, but everything just gets worse. There are two reasons for this.
- The new man is not a first aid kit, not a panacea that will cure resentment and mistrust. This is “plantain”. It seems like it should help, but in fact, it is absolutely useless in case of serious injuries. Relations after a breakup will not help to cope with internal problems.
- While the victim is trying in every possible way to bandage the wounds, concentrating on himself, the new partner hopes for seriousness, honesty. He considers a joint future, sincerely falls in love. It appears that it is being used. Just like the traitor used the one who believed him.
It is better not to look for new relationships until everything settles down inside. Only having achieved harmony with yourself, having settled psychological problems, you can start something with another partner. Up to this point, all attempts will turn into torment for both sides.
How to Survive Infidelity: 10 Must-Have Steps.
9. Don’t ignore the problem.
Some after such a blow continue to behave as if nothing had happened. They “clog” all the feelings inside and pretend that they are not there. Thus they are deceiving but yut not only others, but also themselves. Often phrases like:
- “I am strong/strong, so I will not cry, be sad, whine, but I will pull myself together”;
- “Well, yes, he (a) cheated on me (a). So what? It happens to almost everyone. There is no point in making something grandiose out of it”;
- “If I stop remembering this, then everything will be erased from my memory. I’ll just drive such thoughts away”;
- “I don’t feel pain at all. Anyway, he (a) wanted (a) to break off this relationship.
In fact, feelings and memories do not go anywhere. They keep ‘running in the background», exhausting the nervous system and bringing a person to neurosis. There is no point in hiding your pain deep inside. It is better to accept it, to let emotions splash out. Only then will it get easier.
Cheating is pain, heaviness, tears, and a feeling that there is nothing to breathe. But All these feelings are completely normal… Don’t be embarrassed or ignore them.
10. Don’t choose to be a “victim”.
Sometimes victims begin to behave as if the whole world owes them something. They demand round-the-clock attention, support, undeniable acceptance of their side. Even after a few months they are abusing their position. If someone refuses them or disagrees in something, they say: “How can you? They cheated on me, I’m a victim!».
Few people themselves come to the idea that a person makes himself a victim.
Yes, cheating is terrible, and the victim has every right to be upset, angry, offended, sad. But what he absolutely cannot do is use (intentionally or not) such a position, complicating the life of others.
If a person wants to be happy, he himself begins to solve problems – get rid of depression, work on self-esteem, self-development. Taking life into his own hands, he moves from the status of a victim to the status of a winner. At the same time, adequate support from loved ones is something that can be asked for, but not demanded.
How to survive change? Think about yourself, your favorite activities, topics of interest, forgotten dreams, ideas. Happiness is not just about relationships. It exists in every area of life. It is important to find inspiration in several areas at once – in hobbies, friendships, creativity, charity, career, daily pleasant little things like a new perfume, delicious coffee, an interesting movie, etc. Then a painful break will turn into the beginning of a new, better life.
How to Survive Infidelity: 10 Must-Have Steps.
