How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Broken promises, acts contrary to the norms of human relations and revealed secrets. All this is about betrayal. It seems that the ground is slipping from under your feet, and it is impossible to find a foothold. And the world around crumbles like a house of cards.
Treason causes very strong mental pain, because only close people can betray. How to cope with unbearable emotions, and is it worth it to forgive the one who did this to you?
The secret becomes clear
So, you found out that your loved one betrayed you. Most likely, this happened under some terrible, even grotesque circumstances. If you don’t know about the droves, you shouldn’t forget about the following:
- don’t keep your emotions inside.
They need to be given a way out. Resentment – to cry out, Aggression and anger – to compensate for physical effort: to beat the dishes, run around, beat a pear in the gym.
- Drop attitudes like “You have to be strong.”
To begin with, you should not discount your feelings. Is it too big and grunty, when you try to save it from yourself? They will not dissolve over time, they will not pass. Unlived, unexpressed emotions literally get stuck in the psyche, and the slightest trigger, a reminder of a painful situation, will cause a powerful negative reaction on your part.
- Don’t make decisions in haste.
Now is the time that is stored away from the wall that is heavy. Stresses that reacted to people. For a while, the “command” of you is captured by adrenaline and cortisol – hormones necessary for self-defense, but capable of causing a lot of problems in matters of interpersonal relationships.
- Don’t take any action.
Just stop, pay attention to where you are now, what is happening around, what time it is, those and you. This will help stop the feeling of free fall and return to the state of “here and now”.
- Don’t try to calm down with alcohol.
So you risk making things worse. Negative emotions will only intensify. And alcohol can also suggest a couple of bad ideas, and even encourage them to be implemented.
How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?
The acute stress reaction was over. Gradually comes the realization of what happened. Unpleasant feelings are still with you, but whirlwinds of uncontrollable emotions no longer capture you. It’s time to start working on yourself.
How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?
- Be sure to read about some of the advisers by the words “Proceed to win” and “All men walk”.
- Speak out if necessary.
Tell someone who will listen carefully and support you about what is bothering you.
- Write a letter to the offender.
It may not be sent. By formalizing your thoughts in writing, you will be able to more accurately and clearly formulate the essence of statements, define feelings and emotions.
- Offer to discuss what happened, but do not rush to sort things out.
Take the initiative when you are mentally ready. Try to keep the conversation calm and constructive. Think ahead of the conversation; plan what you will do if you start to lose control of your emotions; Identify the questions you most need to know the answers to.
During a conversation with the Traitor Face K K K Korego, You will want to cause you will want to inflict in response no less pain than you are experiencing now. This desire is understandable, but not productive. You can hurt yourself even more. Don’t cultivate self-pity. You are neither defective nor unhappy.
How to talk to a traitor?
Before a difficult conversation, it is useful to define a number of rules: do not raise your voice at each other, do not interrupt. Rely on facts only. The phrases “You never understood me and treated me badly” and the like have nothing to do with the facts.
This is an assessment, the objectivity of which raises a number of doubts. What does “I never understood” mean? What, never at all? I didn’t understand so much that when I asked for tea, I called a taxi? Facts are concrete situations voiced without any assessments.
Another means of preventing the manifestation of violent negative emotions during a conversation is communication through the “I am the ambassador”. Discussing something, talk only about yourself, without reproaching the interlocutor. The phrase “You always go to friends” is better to replace with “Spending the evenings at home alone, I felt this. I was sad, sad.”
If your goal is to get truthful answers to your questions, then you should not drive your loved one into a dead end and force him to make excuses. He has done a low deed towards you and is already feeling guilty. Strengthening it in a conversation, pressing on sore points, you risk getting a bright scandal and a nervous breakdown.
Perhaps the main question: “Why did you do this?” Try not to evaluate, not to determine how “valid” the reason for betrayal is. Hear the meaning that your interlocutor puts into his words, do not twist your own thoughts into his description.
Specify whether there is a claim against you in the reason for the betrayal. For example: “You have ceased to be feminine, you always walk in an old dressing gown.” I’m sure you have a reason to look that way! No slyshala li thy ranse ot nego such a claim? If yes, in what form? Perhaps the voiced mutual reproaches will point the way to positive changes?
Discuss your desires and plans for further action. Do you name it what you want? Or has the decision not yet been made? What will you do to restore trust? Are you going to see what you think about it?
How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one?
Should betrayal be forgiven? The answer is unambiguous – it is necessary. It is important to live and emotionally complete this situation within yourself. This will allow you to move on without fixing on the traumatic moment. But forgiveness does not mean being together.
If you have decided to stay as a couple and start all over again, do not rush to “urgently” forgive – this way you will destroy all the sincerity in your already fragile relationship. Agree, it’s hard to be a claiming cat and, fluttering in the Kitchen, Cook Borscht, When in terrible dreams you see how he kisses another woman. From the partner you will have to do it in the box.
You have a lot of work to restore trust. During this period, it is important to talk a lot, talk about your feelings and emotions, expectations, about what you tried to avoid, hushing up dissatisfaction with each other.
The price is low, as long as there is room for the post-processing. It is unlikely that a long joint vacation after an episode of betrayal that has been revealed will do you good. But a walk around a place that is significant for you or viewing old photos will be very useful. Give your partner the opportunity to make amends.
It happens that after a betrayal, no matter how people love each other, trust does not return. Half a year, a year passes, and it is not possible to live without “sliding” into constant accusations and suspicions. Perhaps it is better to forgive and let go than to be there, but in self-deception?
Conflicts often arise in relations between a man and a woman, but betrayal is an event that can destroy all the good and bright that was between you. Whether the relationship is worth it is up to you. Don’t rush yourself with an answer. Analyze past experience, visit a psychologist, evaluate your prospects. But be sure to forgive in order to confidently move on. With or without him.