Why a woman does not talk about a child from a past relationship?
How to talk about your children from a past relationship to a man? It would seem that the modern world erases the old boundaries – you can safely speak out and not hide something from your biography, especially if the topic concerns a child from a past relationship.
But let’s go with you to the question from another store. Speak to the question about “How?” The answer to it, and will be a hint – how to tell a man in your particular case.
But, and our task is to give all the necessary introductory information so that you are as prepared as possible to answer the stated question, and in case of an inadequate reaction, you will not be stunned and upset.
No matter how rude it may sound, but quite often some men, regarding a single woman with a child, give such a characteristic: “A divorcee with a trailer.” Agree, such statements not only cut the ear, but also have something humiliating.
Therefore, one of the reasons why a woman is in no hurry to indicate that she has a child is constraint, as a form of psychological protection from humiliating statements addressed to her. It turns out that the woman seems to be ashamed of her position.
In this case, fear will be multicomponent, since its “faithful companions” are feelings of loneliness and rejection.
- Firstly, a woman is sure that no one with a child is needed, and therefore, in this situation, she will not be able to create a full-fledged family.
- Secondly, the fear of being rejected will be a deterrent.
Another weighty reason that does not allow you to tell the truth right away can be considered a cliché of thinking, namely, if you are single, and even with a child, then no one needs you at all.
Therefore, the third main reason can be considered:
- desire to avoid a distorted view.
This means the following: not to mention the child, the woman, as it were, insures herself. That is, it gives a man the opportunity to get to know her better, and to Himself – Such a necessary time in order to make a good first impression.
When to confess to a man that you have a child?
In fact, to summarize, a completely logical conclusion suggests itself: a woman does not directly talk about a child, because she is simply afraid of frightening a man. And the fundamental basis is nothing but self-doubt.
Think like a man
There is an expression: “To defeat the enemy, you need to think like an enemy.” It is clear that a man is not an enemy! Then you will have a private account with the following. And if we rephrase the above expression, we get the following:
- If you want to be heard and understood correctly, think like a man.
Such an approach, as you understand, gives a number of bonuses.
- First, you will be proactive;
- Secondly, you can present information in such a way that a man not only understands correctly, but also does not give away
- Thirdly, you insure yourself as much as possible.
Three types of men
It’s easy to guess – in order to start thinking like a man, it is important to understand what type he belongs to. We propose, conditionally, to divide men into three types:
- Alpha male
If you met a man “Alpha”, then we have not very good news for you – this type categorically does not accept children from previous relationships. Alien children are nothing but the offspring of other males. Therefore, in this case, you will face a difficult choice – either he or your child.
The second type, which we have designated as “Accepting”, is the exact opposite of “Alpha”. On focuses on whether he likes a woman or not, and children from past relationships are perceived as integral to the earth.
The third type “Observer” is something between “Alpha” and “Receiver”. He is not against children from previous relationships, but do not count on the fact that he will take an active part in raising your child.
How to tell a man about a child?
When you and I have analyzed in detail the reason that prevents you from immediately telling the truth, and the types of men, you can safely proceed to the analysis of the basis of the question: “How to talk about a child from a past relationship.”
- If a man of type “Alpha”
It has already been indicated above that you will definitely have to make a choice between your own child and a man. Remember that it is important to think like a man in order to present information correctly.
Therefore, when talking about a child, be proactive and say something like: “I have a child from a past relationship, but, for certain reasons, he lives with my parents.” You can add that the child lives with a former lover, or his relatives.
So you immediately indicate that a man will in no way “contact” with your child.
- First, it implies that you will be more mobile. Itself You understand that, hearing about children, some men can Draw to themselves the image of the “Hatched Mother”, which is worn with her child, and is occupied only by Him.
- Secondly, you immediately make it clear that if everything works out for you, he will not have to live with someone else’s child, which means there are no barriers to starting a relationship with you.
- If a man of type “Accepting”
For them, a child from a past relationship is certainly not an obstacle to creating a serious relationship. They are calm about the fact that a woman has a child. Moreover, some people love children and are ready to become a real parent for the child.
Therefore, as you understand, if on your way you met a man of this type, you can safely say directly that you have a child. But if you start to play up and cheat somehow, then this will obviously not be good for you.
Men of this type cannot stand falsehood and hypocrisy. Moreover, the fact that you will hide the presence of a child may, in their eyes, create a bad impression about.
- If a man of the “Observer” type
We have already indicated that this type is a cross between “Alpha” and “Accepting”. They normally relate to the fact that a woman can have a child, but at the same time, they are not ready to take on any obligations related to upbringing and maintenance.
Therefore, if you have met this Type of Men, it is important to immediately indicate that caring for a child, with all the consequences, will not affect him in any way. Moreover, like Alpha, they may believe that if a woman has a child, she is not mobile.
In fact, they believe that they will not be able to see a woman properly, and this is a false belief that initially sets you against it. No designation on operation, that is affect you these two things, and that it is now, that:
- you do not expect from a man that for your child on will become a full-fledged parent;
- you are not a mother, and you will be able to devote enough time to each other. Indicate that there is someone to sit with the child. And your child is a teenager, so in general everything will be much easier.
Look, we, at the very beginning, did not just pay sufficient attention to those reasons that do not allow us to immediately say he re. This is due to the fact that you have a certain kind of psychological problem. And as you understand, it should be worked out.
Otherwise, you run the risk of being “mired” in lies, hiding the fact of having a child from a previous relationship, and thus, most likely, you will push a good man away from you.
That is, you yourself will lay the foundation of distrust in yourself, they say: “If you hid and were ashamed of your child, then something is clearly wrong with her, and you need to stay away from her.”
Again, consider how many children you have. If two, or even three, and all from different relationships, this fact may repel some men. Therefore, it is necessary to indicate that children for you, although they occupy one of the main places, you give birth only from your beloved men – this is what is most important.
For information on the subject, this is the name of the game. This kind of presentation of information will caress the ear. What could be more valuable than such a gift?
At the same time, it is important to indicate that the relationship was long-term, and not of the type: “I fell in love and immediately give birth.”