How to understand that you are investing in a relationship more than a partner? In a healthy and sustainable partnership, both try to contribute equally to the relationship. More often, the situation develops in such a way that one of them takes on more obligations and is faced with the need to emotionally serve, while not feeling the return from the companion. We tell you what hidden signals may hint that your relationship has become an area of your responsibility only.
Your partner always needs reminders
There is a big difference between a partner who really tries on a par with you, and someone who needs to be reminded a hundred times even about the little things. Family therapist Racine Henry says that having to constantly remind your partner to buy dog food, wash dishes, pay bills, and other day-to-day responsibilities is a red flag that emotional service is required of you.
Partner not willing to help
Sometimes people can’t do what they’ve been asked to do due to heavy workloads or health issues. A good partner, says clinical psychologist Carla Mary Manley, will take care of if not all household chores, then at least those that he can definitely handle. If your partner doesn’t offer help during difficult times, it’s time to think about whether too much is being asked of you.
Often, this sign is linked to another red flag of an imbalanced relationship, says Manley: a partner’s withdrawal during difficult times. If he is silent or leaves you when you need support, he is likely too self-centered to make a feasible contribution to your relationship. In this case, Manley recommends having a decisive conversation with the companion and deciding whether it makes sense to stay with him.
You’re on the brink of burnout
In a healthy relationship, both partners have things to do that lead to mild fatigue. If you frankly exhaust and exhaust yourself in an attempt to do everything that is required of you, it is likely that the partner settled on your neck so quickly that you did not notice it.
To understand whether household chores really led to burnout, Racine Henry suggests asking yourself the following questions:
- How often do you have to get up early or stay up late to get things done?
- Do you and your partner share a to-do list? If yes, how do you share responsibilities?
- Who is more likely to buy everything you need for your home: you or your partner?
In difficult times, you call not a guy, but a third party
Another sign that you have been made responsible for the relationship is the fact that you prefer to call in difficult times not a partner, but a family member, friend, or even colleague. According to social worker Erica Kramer, this happens because at such moments a person subconsciously knows: the satellite will not help and cannot be trusted.
You feel abandoned and alone
There are many reasons why people feel abandoned while in a relationship. One of them, according to Kramer, can be called too much responsibility for the relationship.
When you’re in control of everything related to the general life, it’s hard to plan something interesting and fun for dates. In addition, in such unions, the less responsible partner makes practically no effort to have a good time together: there is no need to do this if everyone comes up with it for him.
If you’re feeling empty, it’s probably because your partner isn’t making an effort to fill you with love.
– Reminds me of Erica Kramer.
Your partner needs constant praise
This is not about difficult cases or difficult projects: in such cases, it is really worth encouraging a companion. A self-centered partner often expects praise even after doing the simplest household chores, whether it’s washing dishes, doing laundry, or throwing out the trash. If he helps out with chores once every five years, Kramer notes, it is logical that he will overestimate his contribution to the conduct of life. In an honest and balanced relationship, both perform day-to-day tasks without expecting praise.
You used to test it with strikes
If your partner endlessly lets you down when it comes to household chores, it will eventually lead to resentment and anger. Relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad notes that angry people want to test their partner by going on strike, one of the few ways they can influence lazy people.
However, such tactics usually lead to a total deterioration in relations. According to the partner, everything was fine, reminds Mildred, and your refusal to do household chores can be perceived by him as detachment and readiness to enmity. If you have to go on strike, try to talk honestly with your loved ones about what exactly does not suit you in the division of duties. How to understand that you are investing in a relationship more than a partner?