How to understand that you go on dates through force? Ibrahim, Mahidevran, Hatice, Fatma, Sultan – all the dating companions seem to be so cool, but somewhere in the depths of your soul, your inner Alexandra Anastasia Lisowska threatens to scream: “I hate your harem!” Perhaps it’s not so much the mental abilities of potential partners, but the fact that you yourself really do not want to go on a date. Understanding when it’s time to pause dating.
You treat your partner like a friend
Naturally, we all want to be friends with those who can become our potential partners – it’s hard to eat sweets at 3 a.m. or arrange a drunken viewing of a new series with a person with whom nothing but bed connects. However, there is something vicious in a relationship where it seems to you that the one who is sitting in front of you right now at a table in a cafe is as dear as your best friend or brother.
Listen to your feelings: try to figure out if you see a companion for sex in a companion, if you have romantic feelings for him. The heart does not beat faster after fantasies – try your luck with another. History repeats itself for the third, fifth, tenth time – take a timeout.
You talk about your hobbies all the time
There is nothing wrong with opening the door to the world of your hobbies for a new acquaintance. However, if you now and then cosplay the narcissistic Kanye West, this is a reason to sound the alarm.
Let the person know that you really liked him (if so, of course): let him talk about his interests. The same applies to the mention of potential partners – it is unlikely that the companion will want to know that he is another Petya on your list, with whom you can drink wine on Friday evening. If you spend time with a person just to avoid being alone, let’s ask the obvious question: why do you even make appointments with someone who is not interesting to you? It’s better to spend a couple of hours on improving the skill of self-love than watching another guy who didn’t hook anything.
Every now and then you complain about how typical meetings with partners got you
Paradoxically, however, those who do not really want to go on a date talk about it at the dinner itself with a companion. Veiled, true, but still: they lament about how typical romance got them with candy-bouquet periods, awkward kisses, drawn-out meetings at the cinema or cafe. Did you notice the same thing? Run honey, run for mom and dad – you should take a break from your pretty boring Tinder matches.
Flirting only in extreme cases
For example, when a small bottle of sparkling wine already lives in you, hitting your head – the rest of the time you may not perceive your companion as a potential partner. In such cases, we advise you to be distracted by other activities: you can confuse the guy and mix in your mind all the pros and cons of dating later, but the picture by numbers won’t draw itself, and the long-abandoned hobby won’t be fulfilled without your help either…
Never write first
Some may take the advice imposed by female gender socialization too explicitly, but this is already a case worthy of another article. If you don’t write first, don’t initiate meetings or calls on Snapchat, you may just be tired of your partner: this is normal. What is not natural is to meet him through force. Take a break for a week or two, write to a potential partner that he is a good person, but you are not on the way, and take time for yourself. Now for you, such a step may turn out to be much more important than wasting time on an uninteresting person.
Do not communicate with a potential partner in private
Relevant for those who met a satellite through mutual friends. You do almost everything together: arrange fights in the Munchkin for friends, go to open-airs in a noisy company, arrange parties for the whole office. But for some reason, a strange feeling creeps up from the thought that you will have to be alone. It seems that everyone around has long understood that a good couple will come out of you, only you yourself don’t feel anything for him. Think about whether you really see a partner in a person. If not, don’t delay breaking up the relationship.
Dating is becoming more like a job interview.
The guys change one after another, and the approximate topics of conversation remain the same: “What are you fond of?”, “What do you want from life?”, “Where do you work?”…. If over time you realize that meetings with satellites turn into a conveyor for weeding out unsuitable companions – breathe in, breathe out and, for heaven’s sake, take a break! It’s much easier to admit that you don’t really want to go on a date than to realize that out of desperation you are dating a person who turned out to be the lesser of two evils. How to understand that you go on dates through force?