Intellectual intimacy and 7 ways to increase it in a couple

Intellectual intimacy and 7 ways to increase it in a couple. Imagine, you met a man and you can’t talk to him: they discussed Kant’s philosophy, and they talked about Hawking’s ideas, and shared their opinion about the current situation in the state. And so you can talk and talk all day long.

And another situation: there is absolutely nothing to talk about, there is no desire to even talk about the weather… Someone is closer to you at this level right away, and someone will never climb the mountain of your knowledge.

And what is it all about – intellectual intimacy

This is intimacy when you can tell your partner (or someone else) your thoughts, exchange beliefs and worldviews, share some reasoning from the creation of the Universe to discussing today’s news.

And indeed, there are people who are on the same wavelength with us right away, and grinding happens with someone. Then the question is – is it possible to get closer on an intellectual level? It is possible, but not always.

There are 5 signs of the presence or absence of intellectual intimacy between you and your partner.

How to Tell if You Have Intellectual Affinity?

So, a small test:

  • Would you like to ask your partner for advice on which movie (book) to watch (read)?
  • Would you like to watch your favorite movie with a partner, or would you rather be alone or with a friend?
  • You have a choice: go on a yacht for a long trip only with a partner, or on a large cruise ship with a lot of people. Would you prefer a yacht?
  • You’re coming back from an amazing training session. You would like to share your information. Do you want to distribute it to this partner in the future?

4 proximity criteria


– You forget about everything, carried away by his story

— Now, in this way it is cleared by the door, it is by the door on the door.

If you answered “yes” to all the questions, you can congratulate yourself, you have a high level of intellectual intimacy.

If the answer “yes” was given to 3-4 questions, the level is not bad, but there is something to work on.

The answer is “yes” to 1-2 questions – everything is not so bad, but there will be a lot of work.

Thus, a high degree of intellectual closeness includes: the desire to ask for advice, joint intellectual activity, an undying interest in communication for a long time, the need to share new information, the significance of the same areas – these are 5 signs of the level of intellectual closeness.

If intellectual closeness isn’t enough

If you are at too different levels of this level, then it will take too much effort on both sides to understand at least a little of each other. For example, a brutal handsome man, a cutter of carcasses in the market, is unlikely to be delighted with marvelous poems of a highly intellectual basis. Yes, and her nightly “beer” after work, too, may not particularly like it.

Such a couple may have some kind of closeness: physical, emotional, spiritual, but on an intellectual level they are too far from each other.

No other option is available, wed to know, so beautiful and deserves the best. And so that this very best at an intellectual level feels like a dear soul in you, include these methods in your life together.

Step 1 – Discuss Goals

Discuss your goals, ideas, dreams more often. Share what you would like to achieve on your own, what you would like to achieve together, what are your plans for your life together. Ask your partner for his thoughts on this matter. Dream about how you see your life in 5-10 years, what steps you need to take for this picture.

It is not possible to say that it is practical: there are individual objects on the blue sky. Divide this by points, and ask for it in the field, name it: on the clock. Do you want this idea?

Step 2 – Discussing Books

Delivered to the projected knuckles and statics. Tell me what you read, what hooked you in this work. Find out his point of view on the individual points that interest you. Find out what he could advise you to read. Because it’s the building of the Russian Romance, which isn’t very relevant to any project, but it’s a style that suits you.

Or maybe you even think of creating a book masterpiece together that will become a bestseller. And even if not, such an exchange of Favorite works, and possible ideas for writing something of your own, brings you together on an intellectual level.

Step 3 – Shared Reading

Take note of this point. At least once or twice a week, arrange reading an interesting book to each other. Read aloud one by one the whole book, or favorite excerpts that you wanted to share with your loved one.

Or you can arrange a “fortune-telling” on your favorite book: ask your partner some question and say any page and line number, he, in turn, will open this page and read the necessary passage, thus, as if answering your question. This is an interesting game, which relaxes and helps to get even closer.

Step 4 – joint leisure

It can be a trip to another country, or a small trip around the area. Discuss who would like to visit where. You can make an approximate route for your trip, read in advance about the sights, interesting non-tourists. Tell us what exactly each of you would like to do, try to choose more joint cases.

Step 5 – Discuss the past day

Make it a tradition every evening to discuss the day. What ideas have arisen, analyze the situations that happened to both you and him. Ask his advice in solving some issues (even if she herself has already decided everything a long time ago).

Submit the planes by the processing methods, which are the most common, and where the Poles are. Such a conversation will not only bring together, but also help to look at some situations from a new angle, new ideas will come for the implementation of plans.

Step 6 – General Training

Courses, webinars, master classes, advanced training, second (third, fourth) higher education – the main thing! Start learning something new. Now there are a large number of online platforms, and offline all kinds of training. Perhaps these will be different directions, but you will go through them together, somewhere helping each other, somewhere just supporting and prompting.

Step 7 – General Brainstorming

If you have any questions where there is no common position in the solution, offer options. Arguing where to spend your vacation, or what wallpaper to choose for the bedroom – brainstorming. Everyone offers as many ideas as possible, and somewhere you will agree.

Intellectual intimacy is another ingredient for a harmonious, happy relationship. The more such points of contact, the stronger your union. Well, do not forget that if it is difficult for you to cope with any situations with your own Forces, You always have a psychologist who will help you.

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