Is it possible to be friends with an ex-boyfriend if he proposes himself? The end of a romantic relationship is a complete loss for partners. All this brings with it confusion, a feeling of loneliness, sadness and other concomitant states of a person. Organically it is stressed from what is happening. Thoughts that a previously close person is no longer him, a change in the usual way of life and the unknown torment.
And then comes from the former partner an offer to remain friends. What a beautiful illusion for consciousness to ease the pain of loss. Is it possible to create friendships after love? What can this lead to? Should such a friendship be considered normal?
To be friends or not to be friends
If your parting is not accompanied by humiliation, insults and breaking dishes, when the very thought of any contact with this person is disgusting, then friendship has a reason to exist.
It is advisable to agree to friendship only under one condition, if the love relationship has come to naught with acuteness. No to the same friend, which is my predstavlyaem, not a budget.
Everything will come down to even friendly relations at a meeting. Anything that is private to the other people, it is what you are about.
Friendship is a strong and deep relationship based on mutual trust, respect, common interests, mutual understanding. There is no doubt that love and friendship exist as positive emotions. It can be said that friendship is a component of love.
Having so much in common in these feelings, there are also a number of differences that allow friendship to turn into love, which we consider to be the norm, and the inability to remain friends after love, because this is more the exception than the rule.
You may wonder why there are no ways to be friends with a person you like well, despite the end of a love relationship. To understand, it is worth highlighting the main reasons why love does not turn into friendship:
- Friendship is a sincere and disinterested feeling, where attachment to a person is much weaker than in love.
And in most cases, there will be hidden motives for maintaining a relationship with you or your partner, which no longer make these feelings sincere and disinterested.
- We do not seek to control a friend, unlike a loved one.
No how is it not to find out how his day went when you always knew what was happening with him.
- It is not intended that the dog and you should not have any contact with the polar contacts.
While for a former partner, even after the termination of an intimate relationship, cravings can be blunted, muffled.
- Love implies a common future.
The man left and offers to remain friends, what should I do?
Partners will see the word “We”. This is not between friends, they live their lives independently of each other. When parting, to accept that the joint future has lost its meaning and integrity is broken, it takes time, and in most cases a lot of time. As a rule, when you come to acceptance, the need for friendship disappears and is not possible.
Therefore, even when you finally decided to leave, you still remain someone more than a friend, and this does not allow true friendship to exist between you. Then you should have the next question.
Nowadays, it is fashionable to warm up the idea of an eco-friendly breakup and keep the image of friends with the former. This is encouraged by society as a civilized and adequate solution. So what is really the relationship between them and how is this the norm?
“Let’s remain friends” – before accepting an offer from a former partner, you should think it over carefully. Both of you should clearly clarify what exactly you mean by the word friendship in this situation. Naskolko blisko was ponimania k real nasty druzhbe.
It is considered normal when, during parting, there are no unanswered questions and the offer of friendship is voiced only within the limits of decency for the logical conclusion of the relationship without offense.
Most often, friendship is offered in the presence of ulterior motives from a partner. In the same way, you, without hesitation, can easily agree to friendship, having other goals not related to friendship.
What reasons can be hidden under the pretext of friendship
- Pity and hope.
The partner does not have to wait until the future is reached. If he is pressured and begged to continue a relationship that has already outlived its usefulness. All the same, the former lover will avoid occasions for meetings.
In this case, your hope for the restoration of a romantic relationship after parting has a decisive role. But friendship is a losing option in this development. You should stop, you should try to use the new ones and you shouldn’t use it.
- Selfish INTEREST.
The partner no longer wants to be responsible in a couple and wants to relieve himself of duties, while not wanting to lose the privileges that bring him benefits. Each person has his own self-interest, the most common is the continuation of sexual contacts without obligations. Or the financial component, when you can easily borrow until better times. It is impossible to exclude such an option when you have to stand up for a partner in work or housing issues.
The basis of such friendship is the unscrupulousness of the former partner, which provides him with pleasant bonuses.
- Unresolved issues.
In every couple, there are periods when misunderstandings arise between lovers. And it happens that a partner can offer friendship in order to take a break, in order to sort out his feelings and decide whether to continue the relationship or better to break up.
Pauzy may go by poles in other parts of the world. But the offer of friendship itself can only worsen the situation, because, most likely, such an offer will be misunderstood and may lead to even more conflict. If this happened to your couple, it is advisable to immediately convey to the partner that you need a pause, do not be misled.
If a partner has such an accentuation of character, then they cannot bear the thought of the role of the rejected. He will diligently argue for the continuation of friendship so that one can assert oneself in His superiority and indispensability.
Does all this look like real friendship that we represent or have with other people? It’s worth noting that it’s not normal.
Can such relationships be called healthy? Isn’t that what you want? If the answers to these questions are negative, then you need to reconsider your desire to continue the relationship.
The ex-boyfriend wants to be a friend, find out what he means by friendship, what goals he pursues. Most importantly, decide whether you need his “friendship”, if you can’t even call it that.