Is it worth it to take revenge by cheating on her husband? Psychologist’s opinion. What to do if faced with the fact that your husband cheated on you? The first impulse is to do the same, that is, to change him in response. It seems that after this, relief will come, and resentment will pass. No to it? Why do people even avenge this? And what are the consequences of betrayal as revenge? What is really worth doing in this case?
Why do you want to take revenge?
The betrayal of a loved one is a serious shock that is difficult to survive and maintain a relationship. This is what happens when the pre-order and the number of bullets is increased. Every person, regardless of gender, when cheating, there is a desire to do the same. That is, to answer treason for treason. This impulse is a completely normal reaction.
What are the reasons for wanting to change in response?
- the need to restore justice;
- the desire to prove something to oneself;
- let me know how much it hurts.
The need to restore justice
In fact, people do not take revenge in order to hurt their offender. They want one thing – justice, so that everything is fair. If you have been offended, you want to offend in return. This is a kind of withdrawal from the position of the victim, which is perceived by your subconscious as a weakness.
What are you trying to prove to yourself and him?
Man treason is perceived as a fact of his own failure. It affects self-esteem, the thought appears “he preferred not me, but someone else, which means that I do not suit him.” This is a blow not only to pride, but also to femininity. “There is someone better than me.” This is a serious misconception. The reason for most betrayals is an accident, alcohol, moments of weakness, EMO rational impulses, a desire to prove something to yourself.
It’s hard to comprehend. To get rid of self-doubt, a woman has a desire to change. Prove to yourself that she is still desirable, beautiful and sexy. Get confirmation of your attractiveness and femininity.
Let me know how much it hurts
This is another reason to change in response to betrayal. There is a desire to show a loved one how hard and insulting it is. I want him to experience what he forced the woman to face. Pain, uncertainty, confusion, feelings of anger, emptiness.
From the point of view of Psychology, the desire to respond with betrayal to betrayal is a form of psychological defense, which is called regression. With it, the reaction of a person will be of a nature for his previous level of development. Regress horoso visible on the first day. If a second child is born in the family, the first one starts behaving like a small child. He wants to attract attention to himself, to show that he, too, is worthy of love.
How to survive change?
This also happens to adults, and much more often than it seems. What does it mean to change in response to treason? This is a childish pattern. You hit me, I’ll hit you back. So the psyche tries to cope with difficult experiences and protect itself. As a manifestation of a sense of childish defenselessness in front of the insult that was inflicted by a loved one. Product of this? More likely no than yes. Does that help? Yes, but only for a very short period of time.
What are the consequences of revenge?
Usually the desire to change in response to treason is a quick emotional impulse that people succumb to before they have had time to rationally assess what this can lead to. And the consequences of such behavior are not the best:
- regret – since betrayal in response, it is always an impulse, not the best candidate is chosen for this. However, it is not possible for the real world to lose blood with drugs. He may not even like it. And certainly such a betrayal does not bring pleasure. On the contrary, you will only start to feel worse;
- destruction of relationships – if only one has changed, there is still a chance to save the relationship. If both – this chance is reduced to almost zero. Such are the disappointing statistics;
- self-condemnation – succumbing to an impulse, a person begins to condemn himself for weakness, stupidity. This is especially acutely perceived if treason in principle contradicts his moral values;
- more negative feelings appear – in addition to resentment towards a man, there is disappointment in oneself, a feeling of guilt and guilt.
Thus, cheating in return only aggravates your condition and makes it difficult to make the right decisions.
Change or not
It all depends on what your goal is. If you want to take revenge on a man, then this method will really cause him suffering. And if you want to maintain a relationship and restore trust between you, then cheating will obviously not help. Most likely, it will completely destroy your relationship.
Moreover, in this way you will remove guilt from a man. Because his betrayal could have been an accident or a mistake. Whereas yours will be perceived as a conscious act and will give him a reason to accuse you.
Of course, betrayal in itself cannot be an accident. It is likely that she is a signal that there are problems in your relationship. How to solve them? Much depends on the behavior of the man.
It’s up to you, so that you’re up to date and you don’t need it anymore. This shows that he constantly lied to you and for him this is a completely acceptable demeanor. It is also difficult to do this if he honestly admits that he has fallen in love with another and does not want to deceive you. Each person is free to make his own choice. It remains only to reconcile, because no cunning tricks can convince him. Yes, this is not necessary. It’s more important for you to move on.
What if cheating was a momentary weakness and the husband regrets it? First of all, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. The world is not perfect, and neither are people. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is responsible for them. Secondly, this does not mean that betrayal will happen again sooner or later. Thirdly, this does not mean that “something is wrong” with you.
If the betrayal was only once, and the husband is sincerely trying to make amends? Only you can decide if you’re ready to forgive him. To put yourself in his place.
The betrayal of a beloved man is an occasion to prioritize and understand how valuable this relationship is for you. Even if after this you understand that you want to stay with him, and he with you, your relationship will only strengthen. Be sure to check that the title is up to you and it’s bigger than the wind. To do this, you need to be honest about your feelings and concerns. And accept the other person’s feelings and fears. Try to understand each other, to hear.
Only you can decide whether to change in response or not. The main thing is not to do it on EMOtions, but to make a choice consciously, assuming the consequences in the form of the final Raslegianian. Changing in as revenge is easier than trying to forgive and mend the relationship. No, it’s up to you.