Is the resourcefulness of the snake better or the “childish” openness in relationships? They say that in love and war all means are good. And such a thought is often quite true – after all, when relationships turn into a real testing ground, then everything comes into play here: from hidden psychological manipulations to throwing sour tomatoes at each other.
Manipulation VS. Excessive frankness
But is it really so? Are attempts to control a partner with the help of subtle psychological tricks normal?
Some people believe that any communication is a kind of manipulation. Let not be rude – but still with the help of our words, facial expressions, appearance, we somehow influence the interlocutor. There are also supporters of the opposite camp. They believe that in relationships it is necessary to promote radical honesty and express to a partner or a new acquaintance everything that we think of him. Who is right?
Psychologist Jeremy Nicholson from the United States explains: “On the one hand, I often see supporters of manipulation who are pleased with their actions. Basically, these are women. To them, such tricks seem funny, flirtatious and very cute. They don’t see anything wrong with playing a role on a date, no matter how far away from their true selves it is.”
“I also have another group of clients. They prefer to speak directly about everything, without hiding anything. Even if we are talking about some unpleasant things that offend a partner. Paradoxically, this category also mostly includes women. Apparently, men are not particularly biased in this regard – at least in my social circles.
Is it important to think about communication methods?
It turns out that the very formulation of the question in this regard is not entirely correct. “The choice of a behavior strategy largely depends on what exactly you would like to receive from communication. If you just want to flirt, then why not flirt? If you want to say something important, you can also do it. However, one should not forget about the facets of politeness and ethics.
If you tell a person directly: “You are fat”, guess what their reaction will be? So always try to evaluate your communication goals. And then the questions about whether manipulations with a partner are permissible, and how far you need to go in your honesty, will disappear by themselves. And besides, “childish” honesty in itself is also a manipulation. After all, throwing out all our thoughts, in full view, we seem to provoke a partner to do the same.
When manipulation is destructive?
Sometimes people want something, but they are not able to say it directly. The most common reason for this is fear. “In this case, you are dealing with manipulation in the most negative sense of the word. You don’t need to follow her. The main thing is to know the main signs of negative manipulation and reflect it in time, ”explains Nicholson. He goes on to list a few more reasons that push people to such behavior:
- The desire to hide the truth from you.
- Inability to communicate openly. Fear of judgment, ridicule.
- A common habit of deceiving and manipulating.
- Trauma in parent-child relationships. Lack of a sense of security, pursuing from a young age.
“If you are dealing with such a person, or if this destructive habit is characteristic of you, it is useful to remember a few rules. First, learn to be open about your own intentions; or move your partner towards it. Find ways to build a dialogue in an honest way, without evasions.
“Secondly, you need to be able to talk about your feelings, and not make claims. If your counterpart is manipulating, ask him how he feels and what upsets him now? And, finally, if this does not help, you will have to fight the manipulator with his own weapon. For example, the next biting phrase can be answered no less caustically: “Darling, can I have a personal opinion on this issue?” Jeremy concludes his interview.
Manipulations that destroy relationships. Be careful with these manipulations. growth phase. Is the resourcefulness of the snake better or the “childish” openness in relationships?