Male jealousy and how to deal with it – why a man is jealous? Jealousy is the fear of losing the object of your love. That is, when a man is jealous of his wife for someone, he is afraid that she will choose this someone, not him.
Every child has a need for love and when there is a threat to satisfy this need, it is thrown out. A person tries to defend his right to love and attention. This is an attempt to avoid pain.
Is jealousy always the norm?
Jealousy can be objective or biased. In fact, objective jealousy is quite common, and despite the fact that in society the feeling of jealousy has a negative connotation, objective jealousy is normal. We learn to be jealous from childhood, when we are deprived of attention and love.
We are jealous, thereby trying to defend our own, albeit selfish, but legitimate right to be loved. At the same time, another person who is jealous is even pleased that the partner is defending this right. Thus, we confirm our value to the partner.
In a trusting, strong relationship, jealousy becomes part of the game, fueling interest in each other.
No jealousy is necessary and non-existent. However, before talking about unreasonable jealousy, it should be noted that between justified and unjustified jealousy there is another type, we can call it borderline.
This is jealousy, in which, according to the jealous person, it is justified, but according to his partner, it is not. Most often, the reason for this misunderstanding is that the muhuses and the woman talk about what the main
Jealousy: the reasons why a man is jealous and how to react correctly?
For some, the look thrown by a man at a woman passing by is already a reason for jealousy. And for someone, one-night stand is not a reason for jealousy. Therefore, it is very important to come to the same denominator at the beginning of a relationship.
Types of jealousy: open and hidden
A partner can show jealousy openly, through aggression directed at a “competitor”. And it’s not just about physical aggression. He may start talking badly about the “competitor”, trying to show that this other one is not worthy of your love, your attention, and in general you need to stay away from him.
Causes of hidden jealousy
- negative attitude towards jealousy;
- fear of being rejected.
Hidden jealousy happens when a man thinks that jealousy is a bad feeling that is embarrassing to experience, so he strongly denies that he is jealous.
There are no “bad” or “good” feelings. the feeling is a signal of our consciousness, which transmitted information to our woli ° colden Jealousy is just a signal of danger, which is expressed by the phrase: our intimacy, our relationship is under threat.
There is someone, some person who is a threat to our relationship. It may not be just another man. It could be your girlfriend, parents, kids, it could even be your job or hobby.
Another man can hide his jealousy, because you conveyed to him that you are unpleasant when he does this, and now the man is afraid that if he shows his jealousy, he may lose you. One side of it is that you were able to talk about it, that he heard you and accepted your feelings, that’s good. On the other hand, this does not mean at all that after this conversation he stopped being jealous of you.
Jealousy for no reason
If there are vests in other parts of the city:
- do not take the blame;
- do not support the delusions of jealousy;
- always be mindful of personal boundaries.
The problem of non-renewable property is required in this room, it is not allowed to be in the room. So you don’t have to take the blame. Ego jealousy should not affect your self-esteem. Unreasonable jealousy is a problem that lies in his childhood traumas, in his feelings, in his past. And she has nothing to do with you.
You can never support the delusions of jealousy. It is very important to correctly build boundaries. Understand that despite the fact that you are a couple, that you love each other, you remain two independent people. No one has the right to limit your freedom, to dictate to you with whom to communicate or not to communicate.
You are an adult, a free person, you have the right not only to be loved, you have the right to personal space, you have the right to social contacts, and you yourself always make a choice with whom to communicate and with whom not. In a relationship with a jealous person, this can be easily forgotten.
If you consciously or unconsciously play along with unreasonable jealousy, this will inevitably lead to serious problems, to the loss of a sense of self, your freedom, even the substitution of your own feelings when you begin to experience imposed guilt. Meanwhile, the delirium of jealousy will only get worse.
It is clear that such behavior should not be supported. No what to do then?
How to deal with unreasonable partner jealousy?
There are a few simple steps:
- understanding of origins;
- acceptance of partner’s feelings;
- helping a partner.
The first thing you should do is to figure out not only what jealousy is, but also where the origins of your man’s jealousy lie. As a rule, behind jealousy, especially unreasonable, is the pain of rejection and loss. The pain of betrayal that he once experienced.
And now, when a significant person for him appeared in his life, whom he fell in love with, to whom he opened up, in your partner’s head there may be a voice that tells him every day: you will lose her, she does not need you, you are not good enough for her , you will be thrown again. Why? It is possible to say that “bad” and not deserving of love.
How to accept jealousy in your partner? The main thing to understand is that, most likely, a man knows that he is behaving incorrectly, knows that he hurts you with his behavior and reproaches himself for it (even if he does not admit it), but at the same time he cannot help himself. He mohuses the upper hand over his feelings, but as if drowning in them, realizing that your o ^ n d t
That is not the case – on the other hand it is spoken. Because there is a stronger underlying feeling behind jealousy. Usually it’s fear. I love you so much that I’m afraid to lose you. From this understanding, from accepting the man’s feelings, you can move on to the next step.
You can help your partner. How? Get rid of his fear. Remove the feeling of anxiety that haunts him. First, talk to him about these feelings and show that you accept him with all the shortcomings.
You don’t try to reject or suppress his feelings. You know about them. Let him know that what he is experiencing is normal.
But more importantly, let him know that you love him. In a frank, trusting atmosphere, when both of you are aware of the reasons for his jealousy, when you have spoken out your feelings, you can simply tell him: I am there, I love you, I will not leave you anywhere. I need you just as much as you need me. Hug your partner, let him know that you are here with him. That for you he is no less valuable and desirable than you are for him.